Poof Chronicles 1: and the Peculiar Artists
by PenFandango
Summary: The first story of Poof Chronicles, the tale of inter-demensional traveling fans and their adventures bugging the good Professor and messing around in London.  I suck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

I'm what you'd call an original mary-sue.

I this first edition of Poof Chronicles, we travel to London.

Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists

Chapter One

Pieces Fall into Place and Evil Clowns Unexpectedly Attack London

* * *

He awoke to the aweful, piercing screech of the door, and the blinding glare of the light that poured through. It was way too early to be breakfast time, he knew that. He also knew that today was the big day.

"Dove?"

"Yes Sir." Despite his heavy drowsiness and him goind near-blind from the light, Clive snapped straight up, standing at attention.

"Guess it's that day." The Guard held a messed-up, nearly fallen-apart, grimy carboard box. "You're a free man, now. We have your belongings right here."

The young man could barely contain his excitement. A big smile spread across his face as he was given the box, and it became even wider when he once again felt the familiar hat inside. "Thank you, sir."

"You can change in the communal bath, then we just have you do the paperwork with the desk jockeys, and you're on your way."

"Yes sir, thank you sir." Clive was escorted out of that God-forsaken cell and to the bathroom. It was all finally over. He'd paid his debt to society and blah-blah-blah. He donned his clothes quickly, ready to get out of there and into the sun once again. He finished with his hat and nearly flew out the door, rushing though the paperwork and trying desperately to hold himself back as the gates were opened and he walked through. The heat was warmer than he'd ever remembered, and the light nearly blinded him. The noise was deafening, and the fresh air choked him. He had missed it so much.

* * *

A familiar figure who you'll all recognize sat at his desk, overlooking those same London streets. Children played, lovers met, and-more importantly at the moment-students made there way for his lecture. If he didn't get a move on, he'd be late for his own class. He donned his signature top-hat and made for the door. Grabbing his notes and lesson plan, he was ready to go. A well-natured smile on his face, and an air of utmost gentalmenly manner was about him. Creatively worded dawldling aside, you recognize him as THE Professor Hershel Layton.

* * *

"And that-" he finished, "Concludes our lesson for today. Be sure to turn in your term papers on time. I look forward to your findings on your ruins of choice." He didn't have to tell them twice. Layton lost most of them at "And that." He couldn't very well blame them. Young men and women did usually have plans on a Friday evening. He hoped they had at least retained some of the information of the early building strategies of the ancient Greek.

When he got to his car, dubbed the "laytonmobile," he made his merry way back to his quiet flat. It was a typical Friday afternoon, really…except for maybe the Housekeeper beaming cheekily at him from behind the front desk.

"May I ask, is something wrong, madam?" The good Professor tipped his hat, halting momentarily.

She hastily ducked back behind the newspaper she had been "reading." The smile was still plastered on his face. "Oh, nothing at all, sir. Don't mind me." She turned the page. He wondered if she even knew she was reading about "Scotland Yard's Newly Expanded Bathrooms."

"Curious." He simply continued his stroll to the elevator. He had to start getting his next lecture together. The Lesson plan wouldn't write itself. Though perhaps he could get some dinner first. To save this story from getting too boring, let's skip to the flat.

He unlocked the door, and faltered. Layton was almost certain he heard something from the other side of the door…but that was impossible. No one else had a key to this flat besides himself, the Landlord, and his wife, the housekeeper downstairs. Shaking his head to scatter those thoughts, he opened the door-

-and stood corrected. He was immediately embraced around the waist by a lad just over half his height, dressed in blue.

"Surprise, Professor!" The boy looked up at him and smiled. You and I know him as the Professor's faithful apprentice, Luke Triton.

"Luke, my boy!" He patted his underling on the back. "How on earth did you get here?"

"The Landlady recognized me, and it seems she wanted to surprise you as much as I did!" The boy adjusted his blue hat. "Father's job called him over here again, and we were able to visit! How have you been, Professor?"

There was a lot of catching up to do with these two. They would have to continue this conversation over tea.

* * *

Elsewhere, as our final piece came into play and place, it was a setting sun on the Thames. The birds sang some of their last songs-and were interrupted by the sound of the word "SQUID" and two teenage girls and two plushies popping right into their tree. The birds instantly squaked and nearly pecked their eyes out before fleeing the scene immediately.

"ACK! CRUD! OW! Yeah, you better run!" The raven-haired asian girl batted the assailing sparrows off of herself, as the brunetter sporting orange-tinted goggles hung by her legs, upside-down from the branch near her. "Really, Pen! Did we HAVE to warp right into a TREE?"

The brunette simply hung there, a doofy smile on her face. One of the plushies, resembling some sort of gothic, creepy rabbit thing in a knitted green deerstalker spoke up, offended. "Well, exCUSE me, princess! Mistress said Thames, and I got us to the Thames! How was I supposed know there was a tree here?"

"Do NOT call me princess!"

"….PRINCES PRINCESS PRINCESS PRINCESS-"

"Why, you little TURD-"

"Enough, you two!" The goggled girl, whom the little minion had referred to as "mistress," Spoke up, trying to right herself to get back up and sitting properly on the branch, but failing and still dangling where she was. "We can ALL be turds~!"

The other girl facepalmed and rolled her eyes. She should be used to this kind of thing by now. "Well, Pen, what do we do now?"

"Kahmelion, patience. First we have to make sure we've reached the proper destination."

The rabbit thing was offended once more. "Of COURSE we have, or my name's not Phantom! Thing, get the inter-demensional map!"

The second plushie, a little burlap fellow with big green button eyes and a drawstring head nodded and reached inside and pulled out a book sooooo enormous it looked like there was no WAY he could have possibly fit it inside his head. "Alright…what page would this be on?"

"I don't know." Phantom scratched his non-existant nose and he dropped down out of the foliage, Kahmelion helping Pen get upright. "Try under the 'Ls'."

Thing opened the book, and it looked very similar to the marauder's map-for those of you who like Harry Potter- and he flipped through the middle somewhere. "Let's see…didn't Wonkey put some post-its in here?" Thing hopped down and propped up the text in front of his partner.

"Ugh…good-for-nothing 'head of organizations' my foot." Phantom looked through the little yellow pieces of paper sticking up through the top. "Let's see…H, J, K, L! Layton…" He lifted the chunk of pages and found himself at a map of London. He traced the squiggly line representing the Thames up to the very spot where the group should be. Sure enough, there they were. Four characters. One was a brunette girl with her hair tied in a short ponytail. She had on Goggles that had headphones attatched to them. She wore a floppy long-sleeved black shirt that hung off of one shoulder with the word "Poof" written on it, red plaid shorts, knee-high black socks with a single green stripe, and vans. The next figure was another teenage girl, with longer, black hair. She wore a dark-grey and bright-green striped long-sleeve shirt, with white cuffs on the sleeve, blue jeans, and bright green shirts. The other two figures were the minions that we have already described. Kahmelion dropped down out of the tree, Pen landing right next to her with a "thunk" and an "ouch."

"Ok, so it shows we're here…but how can we be sure that we're actually in the right demension?"

"The tab SAYS 'Layton.'" Phantom replied, rolling his eyes as best as he could with a stitched red circle and an orange button. "besides," he continue, indicating a certain two figures in a café. "Who else do we know has a ridiculously large top hat and an apprentice boy blue?"

Pen raised a finger in the air from where she sat against the tree, sprawled and scrape-kneed. "Mr. Bob might~!" She had the same doofy smile, despite the blood trickling out of the wound. "My my…I think we need Cuddlemari here…."

Kahmelion facepalmed again. Phantom, however, rushed to her side. "Mistress! You have to be more careful! I'll poof and get Cuddlemari right away!" he held her hand with his little stubby one.

"No need!" Thing pulled a first aid kit out of his head, fastening the drawstrings back. "I have a kit right here. Cuddlmari insisted we take it for the sake of just-in-case."

"You guys…It's JUST a scrape!" Kahmelion facepalmed again.

"I concur!" Pen said and sprung up as soon as she was patched up. "Now, let's make our way and tallyho~!" She ran off.

"Um…Pen?" Kahmelion raised her hand in question.

Sure enough, her friend ran right back. "Um…exactly where are we going now?"

* * *

The party strolled their way through the busy streets…well, not the actual streets. That'd be_ pretty_ stupid. They stayed in the sidewalks. Thing was strapped to Pen's back like a pack, with Phantom riding around in the "hammer-space" head, as to not freak out any locals by showing them living, walking, talking plushies.

"Should be get a hotel room or something? Or should we just get some food first?"

Kahmelion absentmindedly scratched her nose. "I think my vote's on the food."

"With what money?" Phantom poked his head up out of the drawstring head. "Dude, get DOWN!" Thing hissed, pushing him back down.

"I dunno." The raven-haired girl shrugged. "I'm just happy so long as I get mah food…"

Pen imitated the Professor's thoughtful positon. "Hm….it is quite puzzling…I GOT it!"

"Well, I'm listening."

"We play guitar and get some handouts in a hat, then get the food, and sleep in an alley like hobos~!"

Kahmelion facepalmed again, staring at her friend pointedly. "Sure, Pen, we can find a lovely dumpster use a manhole cover for a pillow….sarcasm, sarcasm…SARCASM!"

Pen was unfazed by this. "Excellent!...but then what do we do with the Jimmy John's sandwiches Wonkey packed for us?...and the tent I asked him to put in for emergencies?"

"You HAVE food and shelter?"

"yes."

"Then WHY did you even suggest-ah, nevermind!" She really SHOULD be used to this by now.

Pen's eyes caught a newsstand, a little English boy in a brown cap barking out the headlines for all of the UK to hear. "Hey, kid~!" She practically ran into him, and the boy himself nearly wet his pants. "Kid, can I see a paper?"

"That'll be fifty pence."

"PEN!" Kahmelion caught up to her little weirdo of a companion. "Pen, you KNOW we have no money!" The odd duck was unfazed. She reached back into her "bag," and pulled out a warm, fresh sub.

"Would this be enough to cover it?"

The newboy eyed the offer skeptically. "Hm…do you have any chips?"

"Certainly." Pen dispensed A bag of Lays quicker than you can say "quick." "I'll Throw in a cookie if you'd like."

"Hm…alright, miss whoever-you-are, deal." The boy gave them their paper, took his meal, and was on his way.

"Did you just give that kid our food for a NEWSPAPER?"

"Don't worry," Pen waved, as if swishing any worry from the air. "We have a ton more in Thing's head." She skimmed the front page, and then opened to a random place.

"…You fail…SO much…"

"Anyway~…OOooooh…we couldn't have come any sooner! It appears our friend has been released from prison on this day~!" Pen hugged the paper, nearly crumpling it beyond recognition, and twirled around with a girlish glee. "Hooray~! I can't believe our luck~!" She clapped, and returned to her place in reading. "Ooh, and Scotland yard expanded its lavatories~!"

"Did you seriously just say 'lavatories?' Really?...wait, really!" Pen's friend snatched the paper, literally tearing it right out of her hands.

"Sweet bajeebus! I didn't think you were so interested in indoor plumbing."

"No, not the bathroom thing, nertz! Clive's a free man!"

"I know, isn't it great?" Pen formed the ever-popular "imagination" rainbow over her head.

"…I wonder if rich guys have good food?"

"…don't you appreciate my sandwiches?" Pen put on her best puppy-dog eyes.

"Yeah, keep tryin' that." Kahmelion pushed Pen off of herself.

"I…I brought you Dr. Pepper." She held up the particular beverage up to her friend's face.

"…I love you!" She snatched up the soda and downed it in one gulp. "Ok…what else do we have here?"

Pen skipped and sand tunelessly along their merry way. "We're walking while we're talking~!"

"It looks like Bill Hawkes was impeached….sweet! Serves the deuce right."

"Fist bump!" Pen and Kahmelion touched knuckles "I think I brought some stuff we can use for that..." She rummaged around in Thing's head and pulled out three items. One was an old-fashioned eighties cell phone, the next was a box of matches, and the third was a bag of…ahem…droppings….the smile spread across her face as the eyebrows raised.

"You read my mind…"

* * *

The group of teenagers and minions were gathered behind the picket fence of some large estate. How in the world did they find the exact address for his house? We will NEVER know…heck, I'm Pen, the odd duck main character. I don't even know myself.

Kahmelion dialed the number in…yeah…not sure how we got the number either…anyway, it was very convenient about he lack of caller ID on eighties phones. The dial tone changed to a ring, and through the binoculars, Phantom saw the former Prime Minister through the windows, making his way to his end of the line.

"Oh, dude, dudettes, he's TOTALLY picking it up!"

"SSHH!" Kahmelion pushed him down, so Hawkes wouldn't see a binoculared plushie spying on him and call the cops. He may not be a powerful political power anymore, but he could still call the cops. Pen barely held in her excitement. She raised the receiver to her ear, and listened for the answer.

"Hello? Hawkes Residence. Bill Hawkes speaking."

"Hey, Mr. POOPhead~!"

"Who is this?"

"I eat mop."

"I eat mop who?" Just try and say that sentence, and I DARE you not to get it.

"HAHAHA! Gross, really?" Pen dropped the phone, rolling in the grass with laughter.

"WHO IS THIS! I'll call the cops!"

"Sure, dude~!" Pen cracked up more, Kahmelion trying to muffle herself, her expression the very image of "You did NOT just say that." "Be sure to ask them to partake in a nice meal with you and your poo, sir!" Pen finished, his angry cries instantly halted by the hang up button. "What do you think? Am I a rude, annoying, ugly American or what?"

Kahmelion crossed her arms. "Yeah, you're a nasty freak alright." She got up and brushed the grass off of her bum. "Thing, give me the bag. It's my turn."

The quartet poofed with the sound of "SQUID" around to the front, hiding behind the shrubbery. "Hiding behind a bush…cliché, or classic?" Pen got the bag of…ahem…droppings…and the matches.

"I know what I must do…" Kahmelion gathered the things, her serious face most comical rather than serious. She and Pen strolled RIGHT up to the door, lit the bag, rang the doorbell, and FLEW right back into the bush, Kahmelion hiding behind it like a super-ninja, Pen diving headlong in and ending up having to be pulled back down by the plushie minions. Sure enough, the guy came right to the door. Seeing the flaming bag, he immediately did the natural thing and stomped it out!

"AH! BUGGER!" He jumped and stomped and eventually put it out…THEN he realized just what he was stepping in…. "Oh…my…"

"Hook, line, and stinker." Phantom pumped his fist behind the bush.

"It wasn't very nice, but it had to be done." Pen peeked around the shrubbery…"I must say, from what I've seen, English shrubbery is quite lovely…"

"Mistress, SHUSH!" Phantom pulled her behind again, but not before the caught a certain someone's eye.

"HEY!" The short man shouted across the yard. "YOU KIDS ARE GOING TO PAY FOR A NEW PAIR OF SHOES AND A DOORMAT!" He stormed over to the shrub, only to hear the word "SQUID," and find that the nasty perpetrators had vanished.

* * *

Pen, Kahmelion, Thing, and Phantom all laughed from the top of Big Ben.

"Ah, that was great, guys." Khamelion reclined back against the roof, being careful to stay away from the edges.

"We have taking in this wonderful atmostpher God has given us and exhaled pure obnoxogen~!" Pen unpacked the sandwiches and cold drinks from Thing's head. "alright, everyone~! Dinner time~!"

"Alright, I'm starved. It's almost dark out. What kind of sandwiches you got?"

"Good sandwiches." Pen passed Kahmelion her sandwich, some chips, and another-taller- Dr. Pepper. "Ooh~! You wanna moonpie?"

"So long as I get mah food…" She chomped on the delicious Jimmy John's. "I'm happy…hey, you got any of that cheese dip your mom makes?"

"Certainly~! Crackers?"

"Nah, I'll just eat it with mah chips…" The raven-haired girl chomped down, and her friend happily joined her. The minions couldn't eat…they were just plushies without real function mouths…or intestinal tracts…

Pen finished her sammy and scooted over to where Thing and Phantom were looking over the Interdemensional Map. It was hard to keep the large tome from falling off of the clock tower's roof. "So, what are ya'll readin'?" She peered over their shoulders. It was some sort of diagram. There were orange, bright green, red, and brighter green meters. "Why are the orange and bright green bars so low?"

Phantom continued reading over some of the notes scribbled all around the page. "We were looking up the rules of this demension. Those two bars represent you and Khamelion. This demension doesn't allow superhuman abilities, only weirdo machines and odd creatures. So, your bodies have adapted to not being able to use any of your powers.

"Aw, man….does this mean we can't use our paper meister abilities and ink-kinetic powers?"

"'fraid so, mistress."

"But you guys can still use your own powers?" Khamelion piped up from her dinner.

"Yep." Thing replied, doofy smirk stitched on his face.

"LAAAAAA-aaame!" The teen downed her Dr. Pepper. Meenwhile, Pen was getting an idea.

"Hm…" She rubbed her chin in thought… "so…let's say I…took THIS large sledge hammer-" As she said so, Pen reached into Thing's drawstring head and yanked out a hammer that looked almost identical to the one used by Ramona Flowers in the Scott Pilgrim film, "and used it to grind all the way down THIS roof-" At this point she had them all looking over the edge of Big Ben. "You would be able to poof and get me before I hit the ground and suffered a painful, splattery death?"

"Well," Phantom fiddled with his red, floppy ear, "yes, I would, but I wouldn't recommend-"

"WHEEE!" His mistress was already off, riding the sledgehammer like a board down the sloped side of the roof, sparks flying everywhere!

"HOLY MOTHER OF FOOP!" Phantom exclaimed, shocked out of his wits, and poofed after her. Kahmelion simply facepalmed and continued eating. She really WAS used to this by now.

* * *

"RADICAAAAAAL!" The air whooshed by her, hair blown up. With the sound of "SQUID!" A familiar figure was hanging onto her shoulder.

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKIIIIING!" Phantom tightened his grip so that he would not fly off, as he surely would. With another sound of "SQUID!" Pen found herself closer to the ground, a nice, safe distance. With an uffish "OOF!" The two landed. "Mistress, you can NOT scare me like that!"

"Man…haha…."She giggled, thrilled to be alive, "That was fun…I'm sorry Phantom."

"Ow…" Another voice came between them. A young man dressed in blue, even sporting a blue tie, sat sprawled on his bum, rubbing his head. Apparently, they'd landed right on him, knocking him over.

"Oh my gosh!" Pen rushed over to help him, and her plushie minion went limp, desperate to retain his cover as a regular stuffed animal. "Are you ok, dude?"

"Bugger…that hurt…" Clive looked up into her face….what in the WORLD was up with those googles? "Who…who are you, miss?"

"Oh, sorry. Call me Pen." The odd duck of an artist held out her hand to help him up…and actually almost got pulled down herself. He was at least a head taller than her. "Are you alright? Sorry for falling on you."

"Falling?" he righted himself, straightening his coat, and scanning the ground for his hat.

"Yep. I was going down the side of Big Ben and….INCOMING!" She looked up, just as the large sledgehammer crashed into the sidewalk right between them, leaving a HUGE crack and making Clive jump out of his skin. "Hey, I was wondering what happened to that!" Pen picked up the hammer and spun it around, and noticed the fellow's hat had been right underneath it. Picking it up, she dusted off the rubble and handed it to him, with a big, goofy grin. "I believe this belongs to you."

Trembling, he took his hat and hastily put it on. As the two were distracted, Phantom poofed back up to Big Ben and got Kahmelion and Thing down quick to help the situation.

"PEN!" Khamelion ran out from the alley, carrying Thing on her back, with Phantom safely tucked inside. The fury and worry were plastered on her face. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOURSELF KILLED!"

"COULD have, but I DIDN'T." Pen turned to face her friend, Clive still standing there, awestruck. "Now aren't we all overjoyed to be alive and have eachother?" Pen turned once again to face the young man. "So, I'm really sorry for that."

Clive looked from the top of the famed clock tower to Pen to the clock tower and back again. "Did you actually jump from-"

"Actually, I grinded down the sides of the roof on this sledgehammer like a skateboard or something. Probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done, I know." She shrugged, and slipped the hammer back into Thing's head, taking her "bag" back from Kahmelion.

"Right…and, how-"

"Ah, It's simple. When you've got a teleporting minion, and the Love of the Lord, who needs to worry so much about surviving that kind of thing?"

"PEN!" Kahmelion beaned her friend in the back of the head with a ninja-chop. "You're gonna blow our cover!"

"ReLAX, dudette. It's Clive. He's a cool guy-" She turned around to see him rushing hurridly the other way. "…where'd he go?"

* * *

The group poofed back in front of him, almost giving him a heart attack for the second time in the past three minutes.

"Heya!" Pen started. "I think we got off on the wrong foot."

"AUGH!" Clive jumped back.

"Anyway, I'm Pen." She held out her hand to shake.

"Nice…to meet you?" he returned the gesture tentavely. "Clive."

"And this is Kahmelion-" "'sup?" The raven-haired girl waved. "This is Thing-" she turned her back so that the burlap fellow could introduce himself. "And there's my right-hand minion Phantom~!" The rabbit-looking thing emerged from the drawstring head. It didn't seem possible Clive's day could get any stranger. "Hello, sir!"

He didn't even say anything. He just stared.

"So, we heard the news, congrats on your freedom." Pen hugged him, unabashed at the public display of affection. Honestly, she felt nothing was odd about hugging. "And, just so you know, we just prank-called and dog-dookied the Hawkes guy."

"You put dog droppings on a man?"

"Nah, we just left a bag of flaming poo on his door. When he stomped out the stuff and saw his loafers and door mat ruined, he was SO _ANGRY-" _Pen cut off and laughed, slapping her knee. "It wasn't a nice thing, but it had to be done."

"…Quite." Clive attempted to walk on, but the two girls and the odd plushies just kept following him. Oblivious and not showing any signs of taking the hint. Kahmelion just munched on some chips and Pen kept looking endearingly at him.

"Hey, Kahmelion, am I totally geeking out right now?"

"Yeah, you're a dork alright."

"Thanks for being honest."

* * *

The odd group went right into a little café. It was dark out now, and the three just sat at the table and tried to explain crud.

"So…" Clive had calmed down a considerable bit, and after the two following him around for about an hour, he was less wierded out, by their presence, if that makes sense. "You two are dimensional travelers?"

"Yep." Pen beamed, oblivious to the fact that what she said sounded like total bull. "Ever since all these fandoms started, there's all these convenient wormholes being strung from demension to demension…even some raw demensions being newly shaped by imaginaaaation~!" She once again did the little rainbow thing.

"Quite…and so you've traveled here to meet myself and Professor Layton."

Pen did a spit-take, spraying her drink right into the face of a ticked-off Kahmelion.

"Really, Pen? REALLY!"

"Not JUST Professor Layton. THE Professor Layton!" She sipped on the rest of her lemonade, as Kahmelion yanked more napkins out of the dispenser.

"Alright…and IF I believed you, what proof would I have?"

"What?" Kahmelion wiped herself and tried to get the juice out of her hair before it got sticky. "Talking plushies, a giant book with moving images and notes, a plushie who can teleport, and a plushie who can fit CRUISE ships….CRUISE SHIPS…into his head is NOT enough for you?"

"…You do have a point there."

"Hey, maybe we'll get lucky." Pen piped in. "Maybe my arch-nemesis will track us here~!"

"Arch nemesis!" He arched an eyebrow.

"Pen," Khamelion facepalmed. "How is THAT lucky?"

KABOOM!

* * *

The dust slowly cleared. Rubble was strewn everywhere, and people were unconscious or injured in some way. It had been a pretty frikin' explodey explosion. Clive picked himself up from under the smashed table, and looked around. "Pen? Kahmelion?" he coughed, and in an effort to keep the dust out of his lungs, Clive covered his face with his hat. Khamelion slowly pulled herself up. She was half-trapped under the table and a large chunk of what used to be the wall. Pen climbed out of the rocks and attempted to rub the debris off of her goggles. Thing was still on her back, and Phantom still inside, safe from the turmoil. "I do love fireworks…" She got a faraway look, as if remembering her last Fourth of July or New Year's Eve.

"YOU IDIOT!" Both Clive and Kahmelion yelled in unison. Pen rushed over to lift the stone off of Kahmelion. Clive acted as quickly as he could to help. It was a three-person job done by two people.

"Are you alright?" For once Pen's expression showed something other than silliness. Now the only look was concern for her friend, which quickly darkened to anger, and she went steely-eyed. "Phantom, Get Cuddlemari. We're gonna need more than a first-aid kit. Thing, battle sledghammer." The minion dispensed first his comrade so he could Poof away with the sound of "SQUID!" to get the squid doctor, and then handed Pen the same large Thor-like weapon from before. She held the hammer at the ready, determined. "REALA! GET OUT HERE AND SHOW YOURSELF YOU COWARD!"

A pause chilled the air for all of half a minute, and an eerie cackle pierced it, along with an orb of dark energy that flew right past Pen and hit what was left of the wall just INCHES from Clive's head.

"ENOUGH WITH THE GAMES! COME OUT HERE AND FIGHT ME!" She was determined and downright mad-as-heck.

A red and black figure floated down from the ceiling and stared directly at Pen and the group with piercing, icy-blue, catlike eyes. Black lips grinned, as he floated closer to the girl, and she moved to defend her friends. It was a jester in some sort of eerie dark costume and looked for all the world like some sort of power gothic clown. It spoke to her in a voice that chilled Clive's spine down to his toes.

"Pen, it's been far too long." He crossed his arms. "Tell me, how are you?"

"I'm not playing your stupid games, guy. Any second now you're gonna start sayin' poop that jacks up my head."

"Now now, don't be like that, dear." He was now looking right at Clive and Kahmelion. Kahmelion was used to it and was currently getting medical treatment from a plushie squid. Clive, however, was frozen on the spot. First a weird girl falls on him, then her weird friends follow him and bug him, and now there's a huge explosion at a quiet café and a weird jester floats in out of nowhere. The scary figure continued. "Ah, so is this the guy I'm going to have to torment?" _Torment!_

"GRRRRAAAAAAIGH!" Pen yanked at her hair with her free hand. "That's NONE of your frikin' business who he is!"

"Aw, should I be jealous?"

"DUDE, I JUST started to get to know him. Kahmelion and I are just having fun and we wanted to meet one of our favorite characters."

"Oh? What was that about it being 'none of my frikin' business?'"

"Get OUT of my LIFE!"

"How about I just make it so that you don't even HAVE a life?" He aimed his fist, and fired a black orb of energy straight for the group. Clive flinched, definitely NOT prepared to die on his liberation day…but the blow never came. Pen raised her sledgehammer and BAM! She shattered the orb, a look of pure ticked-off in her eyes. Now, she was WAY beyond ticked-off.

"You, sir, have offended my honor, attempted to-AND DID-harm my friends and whatever I can call this guy without just speaking for myself, and attacked me and my merry minions….for that, you are gonna get your face jacked-up, so HARDCORE! HYA!" She jumped off of the pile of rubble, a brought the hammer right down on him. Reala simply blocked the oncoming blow by grabbing the anvil and swinging her away, watching her hit the wall. He floated over to where she lay, and attempted to hit her again, but was once again stopped by that pesky hammer. "THWARTED! DENIED!" Pen shouted at the very top of her lungs as more and more of his dark energy failed to hit its target.

After the first ten minutes, Clive was just watching it all go down. "Is she going to be ok?"

Kahmelion was better now, fixed by the doctor-who now had his tentacles standing by-and once again sipping on some drink she found in Thing's head. "Yep. She does this kind of thing all the time."

"How is she holding back that creature's attacks?

"Eh. We think the Hammer Thing found is blessed or something. Also, she's had some experience with Reala. He gets pretty predictable after a while."

"…Quite…so, how much longer should they go at it?"

"I'd say we have a good half and hour left." Pen called from her fight. "but you do NOT want to get on Reala's bad side. He may look ridiculous, and he may ACT totally ridiculous-"

"HEY! I resent that!" her opponent called, launching shot after shot at her.

"-but he's tough business. HYA!" Pen knocked him over to the other wall…only to have him return with a vengance and pin her to the ground. "DANGIT!"

He chuckled that eerie laugh of his again, and reared back to strike. "Now, I have been waiting for this for a LONG time. Any last word, hu-AUGH!" Pen opened her terrified-shut eyes to see what had cut the fiend off. Standing over her, fist extended, was a young man in blue. She sat up and rubbed her shoulders, feeling she spots where his claw-like fingers had left little scratches. Looking in the direction of the punch, she saw Reala sprawled on the ground, laying in a pile of rubble, unconscious. The barkeep slowly peeked up from behind the counter…and hid himself once again. "You didn't see nothin,' Gerome…Nothin' at all…"

Pen took the hand Clive offered to get up, and brushed herself off, shaking debris and dust out of her hair. "Whoah, dude, did you just punch an evil nightmaren?"

That's when Clive noticed the black blood on his knuckles, as well and the glass shard from the window in his own leg. "Do you think he'd believe I was woozy from blood loss?"

"I would, but I'm sure as Billy Joel HE wouldn't! Let's get the heck outta here!...ow…ow…" She hurt with every step. Turns out, if it weren't for the adrenaline in the fight, she'd have gone done for the count long ago.

"Are you ok?"

"I think I got really banged-up during the fight…that DUECE Reala really beat me up back. Come on, let's get that glass out of your leg."

The two made their way back through the rubble and over to Kahmelion, Phantom, Thing, and a blue, orange-button-eyed squid. He'd just finished patching her up, and she looked like she hadn't even been injured in the first place. "Yo, great hustle out there. Also, punching Pen's nemesis….TOTAL pwn." Kahmelion was back to her indifference and her Dr. Pepper. The squid went over to check on Clive's leg.

"So, this the only injury? Should be easy enough. Come on, sit down."

Clive readily obliged, and Cuddlemari ran one tentacle over the site of the wound. Instantly all feeling left his right leg. He was able to yank the shard of glass-which turned out to have over half of its length submerged beneath his flesh-with no pain. Using a separate tentacle, he dispensed a bottle of some sort of medical fluid, and the cut fizzled until the bleeding stopped. With a quick wipe with the rag, and the swipe of another tentacle, the wound sealed up, leaving a long scar.

"Alright, that should fade in about two or three months or so. Just be careful about the area. It'll be pretty sensitive."

Pen sat patiently while the squid doctor took care of her next. Clive was speechless.

"What? No 'OHMIGOSH A TALKING MAGICAL SQUID DOCTOR!'"

"No, 'HOLY SHIZNIT!'" Kahmelion piped in.

"After the day I've had…" Clive panted. "I don't think there is ANYTHING that could take me by surprise anymore. I know I stood corrected earlier, but now a trainwreck through a four-way intersection on a BOAT couldn't rattle me…"

"Well, that's good to hear~!" Pen snapped up. "Phantom, get Cuddlemari back home." SQUID!

SQUID! "Ok, he's there A-ok."

"grr…" Crap. Reala was getting back up.

"EVERYBODY RUN!" Pen took Clive and Kahmelion by the hand, and they smashed right through the window and hit the ground, rolling, then getting up and pealing off to the alley.

* * *

"Pen, really!" Kahmelion exclaimed, panting when they finally stopped.

"We're gonna need a clean getway and FAST." She ignored the indignancy. "Phantom, can you get us somewhere out of the way?"

Thing dispensed the large book once again and the two minions flipped through to the L section. "We could go to the countryside and set up camp there."

"We can go to my home." Clive but in group, tracing along the map until he got over to a particular manor. "The address is right there and everything…you guys would be very good stalkers…" He finished uneasily.

"Radical." Pen pat Phantom on the back, and joined hands with him and Clive. "Alright, everyone, join hands." She said, when Clive retracted at the touch. "We have to all be touching to Poof with Phantom. Otherwise, you get left behind here to explain what happened to the cops and deal with count dork-ula when he comes to."

"Everyone all set?" Phantom was strung between Pen and Kahmelion. SQUID!

The officer poked his nightstick into the alleyway by the resturaunt wreckage. He could have sworn he heard something.

* * *

The found themselves in the courtyard, smack dab in the bushes.

"PTOEY!" Kahmelion spat out some rhododendron leaves and pulled herself out of the hedges. "If you're not dead, sound the alarm." She was met with groans and hem and haws. "Phantom, can you NOT poof us right into foliage for ONCE!"

"It's only happened twice so far, and you KNOW it!" Phantom popped out of the hedge right next to her. She punched him right back down. Pen struggled her upper half out of the side of the bushes on the other side of the walk. Thing and Clive brushed themselves off, and helped Kahmelion and Phantom out.

"Um, guys?" Pen wiggled around a bit. "I do seem so be caught on something."

Kahmelion facepalmed. "Alright, who's getting her out?"

"I'll save you, mistress!" Phantom attempted to tug her with all his might…and failed with his little stubby plushie arms. "…I think I may be a bit small…" Clive sighed and took her arms. He didn't want a weirdo teenage girl stuck in his shrubbery. With a good yank she was out…and a bit heavier than he though. The momentum caused her to bump right into him and knock them both over an onto the ground. Pen fell right on top of him and was sitting somewhere on his splein.

"Thanks, dude!"

"Don't mention it…can you get off of me now?"

"Nope."

…."Now!"

She looked at her watch. "Ok~!" The two dusted themselves off and made their way up the walk. A dumpy man in his fifties and a tuxedo answered.

"Ah, master Clive has returned! I'll have to get the Champagne to celebrate." The small man turned to see the girls, each carrying one of the minions. "Ah, and who would these young ladies be?"

Kahmelion shook the butler's hand. "I'm Kahmelion. Pleased to meet you-" She was cut off by Pen rushing forward and embracing the man.

"I've always wanted to hug a butler..." She said, fist pumped in the air.

"Um…quite…" He ducked sheepishly, patting her on the back and releasing himself from the brunette's grip. "Are you two…friends of the young sir?"

"Yeah, you could say that. Ya'll got a bathroom?"

"Right down the hall, first door on the left, Miss Pen."

"Thank you!" Pen was there and back in a flash. "Dude, your toilet is amazing!"

"Um…thank you?" Clive raised an eyebrow. "Mr. Butler-"

"Oh, THAT'S original. Name the butler 'Butler.'" Khamelion quipped, but Pen poked her in the side HARD…just to receive a ninja chop in return to the face.

"-these two will be spending the night. Can you prepare a room for them, please?"

Pen grabbed a hold of Kahmelion by the shoulders. "Dudette, we're stayin' at CLIVE'S place! I am SO geeking out right now!"

Thankfully, neither the butler nor the master of the house had heard them, and they were ushered around the place.

* * *

"And this is the library."

Kahmelion looked around in awe, nearly dropping the muffins she'd snuck out of the kitchen. "it's…beautiful….SO beautifuuuuuuul….even better than the kitchen…." True, there were wall-to-wall books

"So…" Clive turned to Pen. "She likes food AND books?"

"Hey, I like drawing AND messin' around with crazy stuff." She retorted.

Kahmleion curled up on the armchair, poring over something with lots of big, confusing words in the title. "…can I just stay here for the night?"

Clive chuckeled. "Sure…why not, I guess?"

"Have fun bein' book-crazy, dudette." Pen waved, and Phantom and Thing followed her right out the door and to the room for them.

* * *

"Here's the guest room. There's a bathroom attatched, and you can press this button if you need anything, and-"

Pen had already collapsed on top of the sheets. Heck if she was listening at all. Phantom and Thing were passed out on either side of her, and the whole group was out like a light.

"…What an odd bunch." Clive himself closed the door behind him and headed off to bed himself. As he gets in his jammies and ready for bed, let's go over today's happenings, shall we?

One: He was set free.

Two: he was taking a lovely stroll

Three: A psychopath fell out of the sky

Four: The psychopath and her friend followed him and told him about their particularly strange hobby

Five: He punched an evil clown and was dragged into their ordeals

Six: Those weirdoes were staying at his HOUSE.

Seven: He was surprisingly chillax about it.

He lay on his bed and slowly drifted off.

* * *

Clive woke up with the rising sun. The light would take some serious getting used to. He shook his head, attempting to clear it, and drew the curtains. He'd had the craziest dream last night.

"What the devil…what in the world did I eat last night? I had some strange-"

A raven-haired girl in a striped shirt bust throught the door. "Hope you're decent. I'm comin' in anyway. Just wanted to let you know: you're kitchen's on fire."

"Oh bugger…" It's real.

* * *

What will happen next on "Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists? STAY TUNED, DUDE~!

Clive: Shouldn't you know what happens next?

Quiet, you, and wave for your fans.


	2. Chapter 2

Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists

Vampires, Zombies, and Crap Revealed, Oh My~!

* * *

Clive woke up from a lovely dream about tea. He didn't know why he was dreaming about tea, or why that seemed so lovely to dream about, but it had certainly seemed lovely at the time. Per usual, he got himself dressed and made his way down the stairs to the dining room. Per usual he barely dodged the frying pan that flew past his head and broke the window.

"PEEEEEEEEEN!" A female voice called out from the other side of the double-doors. "That is the 5TH time you've done that this week. 5TH….THIS WEEK!"

"Sorry, Kahmelion." Clive could almost see the brunette tracing the floor with her foot, big puppy dog eyes and everything.

"Do NOT try the eyes. They DON'T work." Kahmelion bust out of the doors two seconds later, with Thing by her side, foodstuffs flying out of he door behind them. He was able to dispense a new pane from his head and get the hardware junk done while Kahmelion plopped herself down at the table with a heavy, bombastic sigh. "Sometimes I wonder why we hang out…THEN she gives me food…"

Clive looked over his shoulder and horribly failed at dodging the apple that beaned him, hitting him right in the mouh. Spitting it out, Clive nervously scooted his chair out and went to see just what the deuce was happening in his kitchen. Just as he opened the door-

"Hey, mi hombres~!" Pen was coming out, carrying large pans, and knocking Clive right over on his bum.

"I knew I shouldn't have asked…." Clive got himself up and sat right back down again. "There'd better be a good reason I just got hit with a fruit. What in the world were you DOING in there?"

"You're about to see~!" Pen twirled around and did some goofy dance and distributed piping hot pancakes to her friends and whatever she can call Clive without speaking for herself. "Minions, your hard work payed off."

"I'll say." Phantom dug into his hotcakes…and realized once again he had no functioning mouth. "…tartar sauce…" Pen simply took her cakes and sat herself down, digging in as her minion had epicly failed at.

"You guys made pancakes?" Clive stared at his quizzically. "Did you use EDIBLE ingredients this time?"

"ONE time we made man-eating gloop with paper clips…" Kahmelion sipped her Dr. Pepper, "And you never let it go…"

"The minions made the batter, Khamelion manned-or, wo-manned- the stove, and I made them into shapes. See? I made yours look like a Ping-Pong paddle~!" Pen continued to scarf her own turtle-shaped pancakes.

"Ping pong?"

"SHUT UP and EAT." Kahmelion called from her position. "We made you friggin' breakfast, alright?"

Meep. Clive piped down after that.

* * *

Yeah, mornings were usually like that. After which, Pen and Kahmelion headed back to the guest room and library, and got ready for the day.

Kahmelion was ready to go, and was frankly bored and wanted something to do today. Time to consult the one with the incredible poofing rabbit. When she got the guest room, however, the little weirdo wasn't there. She found no one in the room. Just a mysterious note. It read:

Dudes,

Went out for some fresh air and a newspaper. Don't worry, Phantom and Thing are with me. Be back by lunch.

Pen

… "Pft. Whatever." Kahmelion simply tossed the scrap of paper and went back to sleep instead.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a flat in London, the professor had awoken as well…awoke…awoken…awaken? Awakended? What IS the correct past tense of that word… He'd simply used his coat as a blanket again, the sofa as his bed. On a palette, his apprentice was barely getting up as well to start the tea.

* * *

"Well, Professor, you have several cables from Brighton. One university from _Germany _is asking if you would give a lecture." Luke absentmindedly-went through the letters. It was normal for the Professor to have so many correspondances from the academic community. He wasn't sure wehther or not he'd be surprised if people from the moon requested his appearance.

"People from the moon, Luke? My boy, that's positively silly." Oh great. NOW he could read minds, too!

Luke finished with all the cleaning and junk fairly quickly. It'd been very quiet lately…well, relatively quiet, compared to what usually happened around here. Luke got his violin from the case, and propped the instrument on his shoulder, bow at the ready. "Professor, I've been practicing! I think I may have gotten this one piece down to pat."

"Really, my boy?" The man tipped his ginormous top hat in interest. "A true gentleman must have some musical skill. It is a staple of life."

"Right then! Here goes!" Sure, there were one or two squeaks, but as far as amature violin goes, Luke was certainly very good. He had taken on Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata." He was no Bach, but he was certainly excellent.

"My boy, that was simply-" clapping sounded through the room. Fast, feverent, excited clapping. The Professor's hat…rose from his head! Revealed perched atop the messy brown hair was a teenage girl, who'd lifted his hat onto her own head, and was in applause of the boy's performance. I'm not gonna say who….oh, I think you know her very well.

"Amazing! Bravo!" Pen smiled her usual goofy smile. "That was just as good as my friend's playing! Good show!" She stepped down from her perch, and hopped off he couch and headed to the loo, paper tucked under her arm and whistling some sort of tune not unlike "A spoonful of sugar" from Mary Poppins.

The two stood in shocked silence. Luke nearly dropped his strings in awe. The Professor scratched the stop of his head. Looks of pure "What in the name of-" plastered on their faces. The flush sounded, and Pen came right back out, whistling and looking for all the world as if nothing odd had happened at all. "Gentlemen." She addressed simply, before tucking herself back under Layton's hat.

The professor whipped his hat off, and stood up, making sure to help the miss down safely. "Young lady, what on EARTH were you doing?"

"Well, I had to pee, so I did." Pen answered obliviously.

"What is THAT thing!" Luke poked a shaking finger in the direction of the couch.

"Watchup?" Phantom raised a hand in a simple, lazy greeting.

"Oh, that's Phantom." Pen said, jabbing a thumb over her shoulder as she sat cross-legged on the floor. "He's mah minion, and mah friend~!"

"Your speech is atrocious, miss."

"Luke, mind your manners."

"She was sitting on your HEAD under your HAT spying on us!"

"Thank you~!" Pen flashed that same goofy smile. "Oh, and yes. I WAS under there the whole time."

"Young Lady…" Layton was invariable puzzled-no pun intended- "Who ARE you, and how in the world did you get in here?"

"I'm Fabulaous~! Haha. No, really, I'm Pen. Pen Fandango. Artist, paper meister, ink-kenetik, world class goofball, and inter-demensional traveler!" She sprang up, striking a classic Professor Layton "correct" pose. "This is Phantom-" Pen picked up the creepy rabbit plushie thing up by the ears. "He's my transportation. He can poof us around where we need to go. And-" She slipped their other "guest" off of her back. "This is Thing. He can fit anything in his little drawstring head there." She undid the drawstrings, reaching in deep. "Cookies, anyone? The unlimited Hammer Space is really quite convenient."

"What in the…dimensional traveler!" Luke exclaimed. "That's preposterous."

"Actually, no. Improbable, you'd think, but not impossible." Pen munched on some chocolate chip, happy as a clown.

"Young Miss…" Layton began, keeping his calm air despite the teenager who just broke and entered into his flat. "Who ARE you? How did you come to be here?"

Pen stood up and knocked on the professor's forehead, rattling his cage clearly. "Hello? CAN YOU HEAR ME?" It was a good-natured joke, but it was still clear Pen had lack of "proper manners." "If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'" She finished, dispensing some more sweets from her minion's drawstring head. "You can trust this face, can't you?"

"Miss, we just met you."

"And how can that be the truth!" Luke slammed his violin case shut. Just what in the heck was this mental piece-of-work talking about?

"Orly?" Pen inquired through a full mouth, a quizzically raised eyebrow. "Is it any weirder than the kind of thing you two seem to go through every day?"

"Yes!" Luke exclaimed indignantly. "At least everything WE go through has a logical explanation! Inter-demensional travel? That's just-"

"Wait…" Layton held up his hand for a pause. "How do you know about that?"

"I'm a…fan." Pen put simply. "You're even better known in my demension than this one!" She finished in a sing-song voice. Her normal, doofy grin spread across her face.

* * *

Clive's teeth were brushed, and he'd donned his hat. All that was left was to get the two nut-jobs. "Should I just leave them?" He paused outside of the guest room door. Tempting…but, no. "Hey, Pen!" He knocked on the door. "Are you decent?"

There was no answer. "Pen!" He knocked harder. "Did you go back to sleep AGAIN!" He tried the knob. The door was unlocked…and no one was there.

"What the-!" Clive looked around. Not even a trace. He raced down the stairs to the library.

"Oh, of course, the gloomy one's still here…"

"I'm not gloomy…" Khamelion looked up from her book, annoyed by the remark. "I'm just chill. It may seem gloomy compared to my phsycopath…" She returned to her reading.

"Kahmelion, Pen's missing."

"Yeah, so are Phantom and Thing." The raven-haired teen didn't look up from the text once.

"You KNEW about this?"

"Yeah…she left a note. I was going to tell you…but I didn't wanna walk all the way upstairs."

"A note!"

"Yeah, she just left for some air. She gets stir crazy…a LOT."

"…PHANTOM!"

* * *

Suddenly, Phantom got all wide-eyed. He was dazed, looking far-off as if gazing upon the seattle space needle from a distance, or some other really cool thing from a length. His head started to go frazzled, and his ears stood stiff upward.

"Hey, Bro, what's up?" Thing waved his hand and snapped in front of his comrade's face.

Phantom 's ears were still perked up, but he seemed to be finally aware of his surroundings again. "…I sense a disturbance in the force…" SQUID!

"WHAT THE-!" Luke nearly fell over.

"How did-" The Professor stared at the spot the little rabbit thing had just been.

"yeah, I don't really know…" Pen shrugged, and continued to casually munch on her cookies. "My minions are pretty weird like that."

Not two seconds later, with the sound of SQUID, Phantom reappeared, with the rest of the group.

The raven-haired teenager stood up, and took in her surroundings. "Well, Phantom, I'm impressed."

"Thank you, thank y-"

"We're not in the foliage this time."

"…No respect." He dropped it this time, shaking his head. The third character dusted off his hat before putting it back on.

The be-goggled brunette sitting on the sofa looked them up and down. "…Clive! Kahmelion! You decided to join the party!"

"Pen, why'd you have to go an run off like that!" Clive had his hands on his hips, standing over her.

"She left a note-"

"Not now, Kahmelion!"

"…Jerk."

"Anyway," He turned back to face the goofball in front of him. "And you took Phantom and Thing with you, too?"

"…Yeah, so?" Pen wasn't seeing the problem. She NEVER saw the problem. Yep, Pen's one irritating chick.

Clive sighed. He knew he wasn't going to win this. It was like talking to a brick wall. He stood up straight and eyed his surroundings…that's when he noticed where he was. Staring right back at him was a familiar man in a silk top-hat.

…."Hello, Layton…"

silence. "…Hello, Clive…"

"Hello, Mom~!" Pen had a button pressed down on her headphones. She was chatting as if on a cell phone. "Oh, yeah, it's just great. The people here are very friendly!"

Clive doffed his hat. "It's…it's good to see you, professor."

"Good to see you too, Clive." Layton tipped his hat.

Pen sighed loudly. "Yes, I remembered to get the tangelos."

Turning his attention away from…whatever in the world Pen was talking about, he addressed the professor once more. Luke was speechless. "I…um…I'm a free man now."

"Well, congratulations. That's wonderful news." The Professor didn't seem to have any ill feelings. Or, at least, he didn't show it. Luke, however, was not so calm.

"What…what are YOU doing here!" He was awestruck more than he was angry.

"Luke, my boy, calm down. Now, Clive, would you like some tea?"

"Th…thank you, professor." Clive donned his hat once more. Luke facepalmed. He wasn't going to win this one. He knew the professor had his reasons…but it REALLY irked him how he kept such calm airs around villains. Just how DO gentlemen's minds work?

"No, DON'T eat that!"

Everyone halted, alarmed.

"Be sure to check the expiration date for those things first. Heck, I don't even know how long those things have been in there." Pen noticed their shocked faces, faded quickly into expressions that said-

"Really Pen? REALLY!" Khamelion sipped her Dr. Pepper.

"Uh, gotta go now, mom…yeah, I love you too. Muah!" Pen hung up her head "phones" and turned back to face the crowd. "So, who're we talkin' 'bout?"

KABOOM! Talk about THAT, why don't you?

Instantly, or once the ground stopped shaking, anyway, they all rushed to crowd the windows. The scene below was appalling.

* * *

There was unrecognizable chunks of what used to be building strewn and piled everywhere, there were mountains of rubble. People ran screaming in all directions, anywhere other than where they were. However, a sizable group of some people…eerie and silent, standing perfectly still as if they hadn't noticed a thing, on top of the destruction.

A scrawny man with a large beak of a nose, puffy hair tied in a long braid picked himself up from the rubble, coughing up a lung as the smoke cleared. He wore a white medical lab coat, and spoke with a thick Transylvanian accent.

"I told you vonce…and I told you tvice…Give me some varning before you use da punch!"

He had addressed another one of the handful not panicking. A boy with bright red hair and golden eyes, dark circles around said eyes, and wore a black leather jacket with some bad-boy pretty-boy air. "I'm sorry…I didn't want to scare Bella…" He put his head in his hands like some sort of emo.

"She's not even here, you boob!" Another member of the group, a blonde curly-top with green eyes and a purple robe entered, and slapped him in the back of the head. "Alright, we need to get these troops mobilized."

"Destruction and needless killing is wrong!"

"I said be QUIET, pansy! You're a sodding VAMPIRE!" Edward was struck once again. Dr. Acula turned and regarded the boys. "Vill you two stop FIHGTING!" The doctor facepalmed, and made a signal for the crowd atop the debris. Instantly, the people dashed to all corners of London. Snarling, teeth like stalagmites, eyes glowing red, they chased down and bit tons of people, turning them into vampires as well. Dark clouds filled the sky with blood-red lightning.

* * *

The Layton crew stood in shock and awe.

"Yeeeeee-up!" Pen crossed her arms, pouting. "Them durn vampires dun run loose in yer town…I'll get mah hammer."

Clive snapped his head to the direction of the doofus, "You honestly aren't worried that we're having a shawn of the apocalypse-type outbreak of blood-sucking undead!"

"Eh, you're overreacting." Kahmelion waved dismissively. "Had to happen some time."

* * *

The odd party stood on the streets, watching it all go down. Pen was digging in Thing's head for something. "Hey, Kahmelion, we packed the wooden sword, right?"

"Yeeeeaaaaaaa-I think so. There should be some garlic perfume, tho. Spraying some on might keep them at bay."

"Ah! Here it is! And-hey! My wooden sword!" Pen pulled the items out, spritzing herself with the spray and getting a knife out to sharpen her wooden blade. It looked like a regular midaeval sword. "Yo, guys, stink it up!" She tossed the bottle over her shoulder to Clive, who caught it easily enough.

"Are you sure this is such a good idea?"

"Positive. You see, if you smell like garlic, the vampires won't want to bite you. If you have a wooden sword, which is a lot like a wooden stake, we can slay the rotten monsters!"

"I meant going in there against tons of vampires!"

"I thought you'd be more worried as to why the heck there's vampires running rampant in London."

"Well, that too…"

"Ah, here we go!" Pen's entire upper half was submerged in the minion's storage head. She pulled herself out to face the others. "Ya'll need some weapons, right?"

Professor Layton raised his brim in surprise. "What are you saying, miss!"

"I'm saying you guys need some way to defend yourselves out here! There's vampires running amok. Seriously, where do they find you people!" She dug around in the drawstring head. "Layton-" She tossed the professor a rapier. The tip was dripping with some sort of liquid that he could only guess under the circumstance to be Holy Water. "Clive-" She tossed this young man a lance, also wetted with Holy Water. It was light blue and black striped. "Kahmelion-" To her friend she dispensed another wooden sword. "Luke-"

Before she could say anything else, the Professor stopped her. "Show SOME sense, girl! You can't be thinking of giving the boy a weapon!"

She looked at the professor curiously, the same doofy smile leaking into her features. "No that'd be silly! What do you take me for, some crazy nitwit?" She saw everyone stare at her, silent. " Yeah….don't answer that question." She handed Luke a small wooden stake and a vial of Holy Water…winked, and slipped him a knife.

Standing up, she motioned for them to come close. "Take the women and children to safety! Don't come out of the warehouse whatever you do. Don't fire until you see the white of their eyes! HUA!"

"Can we just beat up the undead already?" Kahmelion rested the sword on her shoulder, other hand on her hip.

"WHEEEE!" Pen ran headlong into the crowd, slicing up unfortunate bloodsuckers and turning them all into piles of ash.

The professor ushered Luke back into the building, and ran to Kahmelion, Clive, and the minions. "What exactly are we supposed to do? Clive, what is going on here?"

"Unfortunately, Professor, I can vouch for these girls." Clive tipped his hat.

"What they're saying is true?"

"Actually, yes. Now, I believe their…strange-ness just might save us here…although it may have been their strange-ness that is making all this weird mumbo-jumbo happen…"

"It's true." Interjected Kahmelion. "Shiznit seems to follow Pen wherever she goes, but she can take care of herself. Oh, and you guys might wanna save the conversation for later."

"Shouldn't we at least know more about the situation?"

"There's vampires. They're running loose in London. We have to fight them. There's one right behind you. That's about all you should be concerned with."

HOSNAP! The professor spun around on his heel and sliced the blighter. Immediately, the body burst into a pile of ash.

"See? Save the conversations for later. Yo, Phantom, Thing, go hide with Luke." And with that, the teenager leapt into action, ash-ifying even more monsters. The Professor and Clive found that they themselves were surrounded. Getting back to back, they held their rapier and lance at the ready as the fiends slowly closed in.

"So…you know these girls."

"They can be nice…but it's days like this I wish I didn't."

And so a ton of fighting ensued.

* * *

Luke slammed the door behind him, Phantom and Thing crowding around his legs. "Why can't I fight! I've been through a ton worse when I was even younger than now!"

"Look, kid, we all gotta do things we don't wanna." Phantom patted him on the shorts. "Even if it doesn't make sense. It's an element of all stories that offers a plot twist to prove we really are capable."

"Like that one right there?" Thing pointed a stubby arm at two hulking figures overshadowing them. It was the flat landlord and his wife, red-eyed, baring fangs.

"…Yes, I'd say that's it…" Luke said…almost peeing his pants before tuck and rolling under the vampires' legs and running for his life, all three of them screaming.

* * *

Pen, Clive, Kahmelion, and the Professor slashed their way through the crowd of the undead. The lighting and thunder stayed above them, although no rain fell. The crowd was slowly but surely dwindling.

"Let's dance, scumbag!" Pen swung her sword in a full circle around herself, taking out ten of the vampires. The three "generals" of this onslaught stood out of the action. One filing his teeth, one leaning on his rapier, and the other brooding.

"All right, you guys. Ve blocked out ze sun, ve released a contagious monster army onto zis city, and ve are getting ourselves creamed. Any ideas?"

"If you just let me go down there, I'll be quite happy to END those pitiful mortals and take them as prey!" Young Anton snapped at the doctor, and Edward just sat looking pretty 'n' pitiful. "I don't want to be your secret weapon! I wanna go and be with Bella!"

"Will you STOP going on about BELLA!" Young Anton slapped the vampire in the back of the head. "I had a girlfriend problem too, you know!"

Dr. Acula facepalmed. The two young men simply refused to get along. "Alright! Let's go. It's not getting any better down zere."

* * *

There were only a few vampires left, and you could see how they'd survived so long. They were the toughest of the pack. The normal people left in London watched timidly from their windows, and Luke crashed right out of one.

"Luke, my boy!" The Professor ran and caught his apprentice, rolling him to safety.

"That's it…I wanted to see that when we got here…" Pen stood where she was, a new pile of ash at her feet.

"Professor! I just exterminated half of the entire complex!" Luke sprang up, scared out of his wits. He reached into his bag, and pulled out two familiar minions. "Well, they helped." Thing was missing one button eye, and the other was cracked horribly. Phantom himself had half of his body in shreds. Seeing this, panicking, Pen ran over to her minions.

"Phantom! Thing! Are you ok?" She surveyed the damage. There were few things that Pen took seriously. Minions were one of them. Call her bipolar, she was more like quadropolar.

"I'll be fine, mistress….ow…now I won't…" Phantom curled himself into a little ball…well, the best he could manage, seeing half his body was screwed-up. Thing stumbled around, blind as a bat under a blanket at the bottom of a well. "Mistress? Phantom?" He fell right on top of his fellow minion. Luke stood up, dusting ash off of his shorts. "Thank you, guys…"

"Ah, no problem kid. I've had worse."

"Hm? Who said that?"

"AHEM!" A collective roar resounded through the air. The devils had once again circled around them. Pen stared off into space.

"What are you DOING! Now would be a good time for you to go crazy and beat up the evil dude!"

She snapped back to earth…well, as close to earth as she ever got. "OR I could go crazy and have a plan! Phantom!" She shouted over to the plushie riding along in Luke's bag like a body bag. "Can you still poof?"

" I can try…" SQUID!

SQUID! "WHoah….that was….amazing…" Luke got his bearings straight. Standing next to the boy, maw latched onto his leg, was a strange….strange little green creature. It stood on four legs, had one black stripe and one red stripe on his back. His tail, like a cat's, was tipped with black with one red ring. He had pointy little cat ears…AND a pair of standing white rabbit ears. He also had a little anime-like forelock of black with red highlights and a doofy smile with bad teeth. Luke shook the demented looking cabbit off of his leg, where it landed on its head, face not changing.

"Perfect." Pen opened the creature's mouth like a hatch, and cranked his tail, now resembling the crank of an old phonogram.

"…What is that?" Clive inched away. The vampires were even pausing in confusion.

"This is Wasabi Ed. He's out ticket outta this mess." She's finished cranking, and and a tune started playing from his mouth. "Sing, Luke sing!"

"No, dance!" A vampire starting slashing at the boy, who jumped and ducked and dodged the claws and teeth.

"Sing, Luke!"

Luke kept dodging the claws. "um…Scary-O, Scary-O, I'm scared but not very though.

Scary Scary Scary-O, I'm not scared from head to toe." He paused, as he jumped out of the way, landing on the head of another vampire, vaulting and flipping onto a bunch of crates. The vampires looked on, more confused than ever and actually wanting to see just what this show was about.

"I'm not afraid of a pointy sword, if it's not me it's pointing t'word. And I'm not worried to fall of these boards, and pop my head open like a gourd-"

"And pop your head open like a guord?" the Professor tipped his hat, and Wasabi Ed played more of the pirate tune. Some spotlight from some unknown place fell on Pen, and she started her part, now in the center of the attention and the center of the vampires. Forgive her, her singing voice sucks.

"I'm not afraid of poisonous bugs, if they don't show their ugly mugs.

And I'm not afraid of all you thugs, 'cus I know all you really need are hugs!"

"'Cuz she knows all we really need are hugs~!" The vampires tuned into the song as the whole crowd, Layton and company, the vampires, and the people from their windows. "Scary-O, Scary-O

I'm scared but not very though!

Scary scary scary-O, I'm not scared from head to toe.

Well I'm scared but not very though."

"I'm not afraid of big earthquakes as long as the ground doesn't shake," Luke continued from atop the warehouse, "and I'm not afraid of rattlesnakes if they don't fight, but give us cake!"

"If they don't fight but give us cake!" The vampire chorus chimed in.

Pen jumped up with him. "I'm not afraid of a vampire's cold hands, but tell that to my freak-out gland!

And I'm not scared we can't beat you lads but I AM kinda scared of being eaten by the band!"

The spotlight flew over to Phantom, banging on in a killer drum solo, despite his half missing. I think he managed quite well with the ears. The group formed a line, arm around eachother's shoulders, just kicking short of a kick line.

"Scary-O, Scary-O, I'm scared but not very though

Scary Scary Scary-O, I'm not scared from head to toe

Well I'm scared, but not very though."

Pen Held Luke on her shoulders as the light flooded back to him. "I'm afraid I'm not scared at all!"

"Not getting bit and drained at all?"

"My goodness, he's so brave and tall!"

Layton tipped his hat and interjected, "There's not finer boy I can recal."

"I don't know if I'm thankful or appalled." Clive folded his arms as the music sped up, and Pen slammed on her guitar. Luke did something he'd never done before and the Professor would hope he never did again. He belted out rock and roll style.

"!

Scary OOOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOoooOOOOOOOO, Oh Scary –O!

Scary, Scary, I'm not scared, not very no, OOOOooOOOOOooOoOOOOOOO!

Scary-O, Scary-O, I'm not scared at AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL!" He struck a heroic pose from the rafters of the warehouse, the vampires below waving lighters they somehow got from somewhere, and fireworks went off in the backround, adding to the lightning and thunder.

"I'm not scared! I'm not scared!

I could use something to eat….I'm really REALLY hungry."

"Oh SCAAAAARED~!" A vampire crooned from below. "I'm not scared~!"

Layton and Company hid behind some crates. Clive peered around with Kahmelion. "What are those two doing! We need to get these vampires taken care of."

"What do you mean what are we doing?" Pen popped out of a crate right next to them, begging the question of how she got from the rafters playing the guitar which was still going and into that crate so quickly. "We're singing. There's ALWAYS a musical number in animated movies."

"This is a fanfiction, you fail!" Kahmelion cut in indignantly. "Now come on, or I'll give you something to be scared of!" Luke, Phantom and Thing resting in his bag, hung down from a low rafter. Pen spotted him and gave him a hand down. "Great voice, kid!"

Kahmelion plugged two cords together, and in an instant, the sprinkler system was tricked. But this was no ordinary water. The vampires stopped singing and broke out in agonizing screams, then burst into piles of ash being swept away in the tickle along the ground.

"What in the…" Luke looked at the scene around him. Kahmelion smiled and she and Pen fistbumped Clive and Layton, who surprisingly partook.

"NEVER doubt comic books." Pen tried to shake some of the water from her hair, but continued to get soaked by the sprinklers anyway.

"Well, it was a plausible idea." Layton tipped his hat. "Clive knew the priest from when he visited the prison on Sundays."

"We were able to get him to bless the water tank for the sprinkler system, turning it into Holy Water. Then, Kahmelion had to trick the system, and-"

"We had a blast with the distraction~!" Pen clapped, hugging her loyal minions, one in each arm.

"It was a good idea, and well-orchestrated." Clive set a hand on Pen's shoulder.

"Plus fifty EXP, dude." She replied, giving him another fist bump. He really had no idea what she was saying, but all of a sudden his lance started glowing bright blue! A narrator's voice boomed from above:

"Clive earned the power of friendship!"

The lance stopped glowing, and Pen stared at him expectantly while he looked just plain confused. He shrugged. "You can be ok sometimes." She hugged him BIG time.

"I have to say…" Luke smiled. "That WAS pretty fun. I can't believe it worked, but it was fun. Layton's apprentice-and Pen's minions-save the day!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Another agonized scream came from the garage doorway. All that was left when they looked was a white medical coat was all that was left, and a wet pile of ash. Two young men stood in the doorway. One they all recognized, the other, Pen, Kahmelion, Thing and Phantom were the handful that didn't cock and eyebrow at him.

"LAYTON!" Young Anton screamed, eyed burning with vengance. He drew out his sword, rushed towards them and-burst into ashes from the Holy Water.

"What the devil…" Layton stared at the scene. "How in the world was Anton here? He's an old man."

"Hehe..." Pen shrugged, smiling her doofy smile and looking like a kid when they've just pulled a prank on another

The other vampire, bronze haired, simply walked into the building. Water rolling off of him like off a duck's back.

"Wait, how can he not be dead now? The holy water's still going!" As he said this, Edward dashed up and busted the sprinklers faster than they could blink, and the water stopped.

"I'm impervious to Holy Water. I'm a REAL vampire!" He griped, eyes sparkling with fangirl goodness. "I'm not affected by anything you can do! Also, I'm sparkly and super strong and fast and there's NO WAY you can beat me and-"

"Ah, screw this." Pen drew a flamethrower from Thing's head and torched him up. "Only room for one mary sue in this story." She mumbled. "And the position's filled!" She jabbed a thumb in her chest, tossing the weapon over her shoulder. The group started to go outside, and it was really clearing up. The lighting and weird clouds were gone, and some people were starting to come out of their homes to see if it was truly safe. Of course, for our team of heroes, it wasn't.

* * *

A chilling voice laughed icily from the back of the room. They all turned around slowly to face the new menace. It was a figure cloaked in black, hood raised, dressed in a white frilled shirt, red vest, black pants, and black heeled boots.

"Good job, heroes. You've defeated the vampire army. Now I get to kill you personally."

"Dude, can you just go? We're not really in the mood for this, and I haven't eaten in the past ten minutes. Thing, get me some kimchi."

The minion was happy to oblige.

"Really? Well, I haven't drank anything in the past ten days." He locked his gaze-or, at least we think so, his eyes were covered-on Pen. "Forgive me for not introducing myself. I am the king of the vampires."

"Blade from that old Marvel comic?" Pen scratched her head in mock awe, and laughed.

"No! You idiot, Im-" He caught himself, but not before the anger in his voice potrayed a certain tone. "Um…I mean. _I_ am the prince of darkness. I am the embodiment of evil. I am Vlad Dracule. Also known to many as…Count Dracula." He bowed deeply. Pen simply stared at him, and without so much as twitching a single muscle in her face, she torched him with the flamethrower.

He came right through the fire at her, and snatched her up, arm around her neck. Flying into the rafters, he laughed uproariously as she kicked and struggled. "Flame retardent cloak, dear."

"PEN!" Clive called, and Khamelion simply sipped some Dr. Pepper. "Chill, dude. Not much we can do. Trust me that-"

"She's in a half-nelson by one of the most deadly fictional characters ever known! How can you 'chill?'"

"If you'd let me finish talking, you'd notice that-"

Kahmelion once again was interrupted, this time by the lord of all vampires floating above them. "You pitiful mortals. You're right, at least. There's nothing you can do! I'm going to walk out her with my dinner, and you're powerless to stop me."

"Aw, crap. I feel like Flora! This sucks like turds!" Pen whined like a kid, unaware of her danger.

"WAIT! Hey, fang face!" Phantom called, his good "finger" in the air, a classic "OBJECTION" pose.(a/n: I have done so much free advertising in this chapter…) "This is a Professor Layton game! I demand you give us a puzzle for Mistress Pen!"

"YEAH!" Thing struck the same pose…facing the wrong way. Phantom pulled a "really?" face and turned his blind teammate around in the right direction.

"Very well." Dracula chuckled amusedly. "There are five cats. Each one has a different story about who broke into the disco. Based on their testimonies-" And at this point, he let a small paper flutter down-wait…why did he already have a puzzle ready and on him?...hm. Fanfiction. Go fig- and the Professor caught it. "-who is the culprit?"

As the group looked over it, the puzzle music played. Pen already knew HER answer. "Break your FACE, loser!" She pulled out an orange she'd taken out of Thing's head when she'd first heard the tint of the captor's voice. She squished it in her hand, and shoved the whole mess right into his face. The hood fell back, and he screamed, dropping her. The professor quickly caught her and tuck and rolled before she hit the ground. "Are you alright, miss?"

Pen blinked. Dumbfounded. "Dreams do come true…" She pumped her fist, and the two ran back over to see the "vampire."

* * *

Reala had wiped the last of the pulp off of his face, which was now beet red. Partially from anger, partially from anger, partially from the citrus fruit stinging at his face. "You insolent little-"

"Watch yourself, sparkle but." Kahmelion took a swig of soda. "This fanfiction is supposed to be rated K plus, and we're not going to waste energy censoring you."

"True that." Pen fist bumped her, and a number flashed above her head. The narrator's voice suddenly boomed out again. "One Thousand Picarats!"

"The ceiling's talking again~!...By the way, Kahmelion, what are picarats for?"

"They unlock secret doors and movies and stuff…and not much else…but, it does give you a sense of pride, I guess."

"Wow…I'm terrible at solving puzzles! I do feel good!"

"Pen earned the power of self-respect!" Pen's hammer glowed an orange color as she pulled it out of Thing's head.

"Well…" She stated, staring at the weapon. "I suppose that does explain who kept saying 'Kill, double kill, triple kill, etcetera when we were fighting those vampires."

Reala growled and got up, rushing Pen, fire in his eyes.

…

She stuck out her foot and tripped him. He smashed into the crates. Whistling "Spoonful of Sugar," She walked over to him, twirling her hammer, and held it anvil-down like a golf club. Sure enough, she swung and hit him right out of the warehouse, crashing out of the ceiling. "I'd say that's a good drive. So, who's up for a burger or something?" The whole group facepalmed.

"Pen, how did you know it was really Reala?" Clive put the lance away in Thing's head.

"Duh, man." Khamelion chugged the last of her Dr. Pepper. "It was totally obvious. Perhap's you'd known if you'd let me finish talking, HM!"

* * *

In Professor Layton's flat, Pen was hard at work mending some broken toys. Phantom had used up all his energy left getting Wasabi Ed, who'd run off on a hot dog cart after the fight. There was no sign of the little creature, and Phantom couldn't go and get Cuddlemari. Pen had made them, though. She could fix her plushies as good as any.

"So, you pack sewing needles and thread in your first-aid kid?" Clive sat next to her on the sofa, holding the kit along with the button eyes that were to come to the next patient.

"Seems only natural." Pen answered as she binded off the stitches, fixing Phantom's torn-up side. "You can put your clothes back on, Dude."

"Nah, mistress." Phantom tossed the deerstalker over his shoulder. "I like to feel the breeze and air out my new stitches."

Clive paused, staring at the strange little rabbit thing. "…Is everyone having anything to do with you bonkers?"

"Define normal." She answered, pulling Thing onto her lap and taking the button eyes. "Then, tell me how you're doing."

Once she finished the sewing, she hopped on over to Luke, and noogied him right on the hat. "You, kid, are one tough galloot!"

"What in the…what do you mean?"

"How you did in action today, man!" She bumped his fist. "You're a TOTAL radical fireball! You slew all the vampire scum in the flats, and you made a great distraction with the musical skills! Total respect, dude." She set a hand on his shoulder.

Luke beamed. Layton's apprentice was positively glowing.

"Well, it seems today certainly wasn't at all boring." The Professor surveyed his flat and the people and stuffed animals that now crowded it.

"I'll say," Clive sighed, sinking low into the couch. Pen yawned.

"Well, I'm exhausted. That was a lot of evil undead to slay." Her head drooped. She fell to the floor, minions catching her so she didn't hit too hard. Curled up like a little puppy, she was out like a light.

"Pen, NOT cool. You can't just crash in someone's house without-…nighty-night." The other teenager was also down for the count. Soon enough, all were asleep. The Professor simply stared at the scene. True. The day hadn't been boring. It looked like the next morning wouldn't be any less interesting. He clicked off the lights and he himself went to bed. As he fell asleep, he hoped no one had recognized him exploding people into ash.

* * *

"Next time, on Poof Chronicles:

After meeting Professor Layton and saving London, we've all pushed some weirdness aside and decided to celebrate! And, we're trying to get a Wii to actually WORK out here.

But, is something more sinister in the movie night popcorn? Something wicked this way comes. You know, never a dull moment with us. Will team PaperWyngz make it to the end credits? Tune in next time to find out.

Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists

Big Ol' "'Ello Guvnor" Rip-Off

Belive it!"

Kahmelion beaned her friend in he back of the head "Have you been watching Naruto again?"

Pen paused, tracing lines in the dirt. "…mmmmmaaaaaaaaybe…"


	3. Chapter 3

Poof Chronicles 1

Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists

Chapter 3: Stalker of the Theatre House

* * *

"PHANTOM! What did I TELL you about decepticons?"

"Not to bring them with you cuz they have poop for motherboards and smash too much and sing Disney songs from the bowels of their lungs at 4pm in the morning and-"

"We GET it, already! Now help us out over here!" Clive sliced some plating on the rear, getting soundwave seriously ticked. Several sound missiles were set off, and the team barely dodged it. Pen surveyed the scene like someone watching TV. The Professor and Luke were running along the top, swaying and tripping over themselves trying their best at an attack to the CPU without falling off and to their untimely deaths. Clive and Kahmelion were doing good as well, using his attack to try and take down the feet, and you couldn't tell where the torn skinplate ended and the sparking wires began. Wasn't easy, either. The thing kept Swinging at them with that huge bird guitar and sending devastating soundwaves through the city.

"Phantom, you irrepressible scamp, you!" Pen noogied her minion, picked up her hammer, and got to work.

"What took you so long?" Clive punched a hole right through Sounwave's leg with his lance like it was wet toilet paper. The hulking monster seemed it might come down.

"Disciplinary issues." She mashed the foot in, reducing it to a flat sheet of metal. Soundwave jumped, clutching the injury, making Professor and Luke hold on even tighter and the guitar to drop, blowing Clive, Pen, and Kahmelion away, and resulting in a bird with smashed feathers flying away with a mechanical squauk.

"Serioulsy? Bringing a giant robot to London and having to fight it off while it smashes through half the city and plays the most horrendous kind of music constitutes as 'disciplinary issues?'"

"Well, it is better than the Bruce Lee zombie army last week." Luke remarked from atop the collosus's head.

"If it weren't for the special summoned Chuck Norris monster-type card to the field, we may very well not have made it through THAT one alive, and you can't forget the cool-whip incident." Layton righted his hat, knocked askew in the fight. He was by and far an English gentleman, keeping calm in the most extreme situations.

Kahmelion drew her sword, swinging it to rest on her shoulder. "Chuck Norris. When he jumps in lake, he dosn't get wet. The Lake gets CHUCK NORRIS'D!" As soon as she uttered her "battlecry," the teenager slice the leg cleen in half at the knee, and Soundwave fell. "Now can we stop with the stale jokes and finish this? I'm starving!" Professor and Luke were thrown of. Thing reached into his head as quick as he could and dispensed a safety trampoline…which they missed entirely.

* * *

The Professor Popped out of the rubble in the crater they'd created. "Why must all these things being and end in cartoon antics?" He dug his rapier out, and rushed to the side of his apprentice. "Luke, my boy, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, professor." He chirped. At least in cartoon antics we can't get hurt.

"Acutally, you really shouldn't have to worry about that at all." Pen stuck her hammer down the hole so they could grab hold and climb out…but only fell into the hole herself under the weight. "OOF!...as I was saying, we're all main characters here. Bad stuff can't happen to us." She gave a double-thumbs up. With two SQUIDS, they found themselves at the site of the wreckage. The citizens watched through their windows, some with popcorn and hotdogs. Some crapshooting on whether or not the robot was actually defeated. Khamelion, she was slicing open the chest plate like a can lid. Clive stood over the opening.

"Hm…thirty picarats…red wire? Blue wire? I like blue…or does this connect here?"

Pen came up over his shoulder, making him jump out of his skin. "You could always try it my way. No hint coins required."

"ACHK! Don't DO that. And NO, no sparkly pink flamethrowers."

"Well, we need SOME way to destroy the spark chamber." The Professor and Luke made their way up. As the two argued. The Professor eyed the machinery inside and sat a while thoughtfully. While Kahmelion was slicing out some things for the "Khamelion needs a totally awesomer computer foundation," The Professor motioned for Luke to help him, and they two team-lifted the spark chamber out of the smoking mass of metal and circuits.

"Now, how do we make sure this is destroyed? Luke, my boy, any ideas?"

"It looks like some sort of code. I think I've got it!"

"What?" Clive elboyed Pen. "You're not going to interject and just smash the thing like always?"

"No, that'd be STUPID."

"Unlike every OTHER time you've done it?"

"No, I mean that'd really be stupid. If we don't do this right and damage the unstable spark, KABLOEY."

"Even Pen knows that brute force is not ALWAYS the answer, kids." Kahmelion put her own sword away in Thing's head.

"…I'm not going to comment."

* * *

While Pen was being…well, Pen, Khamelion was nose in "Hunger Games," and Clive trying his very best to ignore the plushie minions having a staring contest on his lap, Luke was going over a rather interesting cable to the Professor. I'm sure you're wondering something. Well, sometimes staring contests can be VERY hard to ignore. It depends on how much the contestants really get into it. I've seen some really competitive staring contests, and MAN it was intense-oh…OH. You wanted to know about the strange letters. Ehehe…sorry. Well, I'll get right on that. Just be sure to pay attention.

"Professor?"

"Yes, my boy?"

"You've gotten a cable all the way from France!"

"Really? Who might it be from?"

"There's no return address, Professor. I can't pick up but a few words from the text."

"Hm…that is a problem. We'll have to find someone who can read this letter."

"In France, you say, cap-i-te~?" Pen leaned over the back of the sofa to eye the letter.

"Can you read it?

"…Nope, not a word. If it were a letter in GERMAN, I might be able to pick out a few words."

"French? I'm learning French." Kahmelion also leaned over right next to her. Hey, why don't ya'll move in?

"Learning?" Clive got up, causing the two minions to topple off and to the ground.

"You blinked!"

"No, you totally blinked first!"

"Yeah, in school. What?" Kahmelion looked up from squinting at the note. "We may be demension-traveling all the time, but we gotta make time for academics. I'm NOT paying for my college!"

"Yeah. Even mary-sues have to work for their scholarships that they hope they have a shadow of a prayer of a chance at getting." Pen elbowed him, and picked up Phantom, dusting her minion off.

"Whoever wrote this note was in a hurry, that's all I can discern." Layton sipped his tea.

"Hm….Hm HMMMMMMMhmmmm…" Kahmelion scanned the letter. "Ok, I got it. 'Help, the fat tourist is pinching my kitten. The doctor must cut the cheese. Cheese Paste.'"

Ok. Even PEN looked at her funny.

"Either that or 'Help. Am in dire need of your assistance. I am trapped by a nefarious character. Only you, Professor, can help me. Urgent.'"

Luke took the letter and studied it once more. "I've got a bad feeling about this Professor…"

"Why?" Pen said, taking the letter from him. "Is it the fact it's written on old crinkly parchment, the blood-red ink, the skull-shaped wax seal, or the cheese paste?"

"And what do you think?" Clive noogied her, messing up her ponytail.

The professor looked at the seal. "Somehow this seems very familiar…"

"Are we going to help them, professor?" Luke asked nervously. "From the looks of this, it could have been sent by the villain itself. Also, you remember what happened LAST time we went to the theatre following a call."

"Well, Luke, a gentlemen always helps those in need."

"We're going to France!" Phantom and Thing hopped on Kahmelion's back, who'd been leaning over Pen's back, who'd been leaning over the sofa and was no sent tumbling over and onto the floor.

Pen got up in a jiff, doofy, excited smile on her face. "I concur, Professor. France? That's flipping awesome!"

"What are you more excited about?" Clive extended a hand to help Kahmelion off the floor. "The Louvre or the Food?"

"Eh…" Pen waved. "A little bit of both. Anyway, SWEET! Minions!" The two lined up in salute. "Do you know what this MEANS!"

"We're going to the place with the best art museum ever, the most expensive fashion, the best pastry, and We're on a mystery trip with the Professor?"

"Bingo."

"Another exciting adventure of Professor Layton!" Luke tipped his hat. "Layton's apprentice is on the case!"

The Professor went to the phone. "I'll order two train tickets straight away."

Pen laughed. "Alliteration~!"

"Wait, only two?" Kahmelion was already packing a bag full of Dr. Peppers. "There's seven of us!"

"I'm sorry, Miss Kahmelion. I'm afraid this case has called for Luke and I. It's a private affair."

Since Pen was still obliviously taking inventory of Thing's head-reaching in fully up to her waist, Clive concurred with Kahmelion. "I never thought I'd say this, but we've fought vampire armies, giant robots, zombie radios, and rabid fangirls of yours together. I think they have a point."

* * *

And in the Laytonmobile, the Professor and Luke drove to the train station. They HAD left the crew behind….Jerks.

"I still think we should have at least taken Phantom and Thing with us, Professor. The travelers would have really come in handy."

"I get the feeling, my boy, that this case calls for more than smashing and slaying monsters."

"Well, considering our other adventures together, there definitely will be some fine-tuned mystery…I still get the feeling in my gut, though. They would have helped more than Flora."

"Luke, mind yourself. One of the reasons I thought we should leave them be is that I think their behavior may be rubbing off on you, Luke. I wish they wouldn't teach you some of those words…"

"N-NEVER, Professor! I'm a true gentleman! I'll never utter the word 'crap' again!...Oh, poop-uh, I mean-!"

"Haha. Never you mind, my boy."

P-POW POW!

"What in the-!"

P-POW! BAM! POP! CH-Ch-

"Professor, what's wrong with the Laytonmobile!"

"I don't know! It's backfiring!"

P-POP! CHCHU-CHUNK! Psssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

"Well, that's certainly not a good sign." The Professor got of the car, and Luke followed to check the hood. "Well, from the looks of it, the suspension blew. We're carrying too much weight."

"But all we're carrying is us and our two bags."

"Not Quite~!" The trunk lid popped open. Guess who?

Pen got out and dusted herself off. He clothes were all rumpled, and she stretched and popped her spine back in place like she'd been all cramped up in some contortion. She helped Clive and Kahmelion out, and thing hopped on out of the trunk and dispensed Phantom from his head. "Whew. Cramped in there."

The Professor looked onto the scene.

"Yep, we stowed away. We're annoying fans, it's what we do." Kahmelion popped her neck.

"Also, Friends don't let friends pay for train tickets. Those things are WAY expensive." Pen picked up Phantom "We have instant transportation, RIGHT here!"

"Well, we might as well." The Professor Crossed his arms. "You broke down the car."

"Hey, let me make it up to you~! Everyone, join hands~!"

* * *

And stuck in the middle of Paris they were.

"Wait!" Luke exclaimed, trying to get his bearings after the SQUID dizziness. "What about the Laytonmobile!"

"Oh, Thing took care of it." Pen casually poited a thumb over her shoulder. "It's in his head."

To prove this, the minion reached into his drawstring head and honked the horn.

"…I'm…not going to comment." The Professor looked around them. "My word…"

They all looked up to the place they had been just deposited onto. They were on the steps, looking up, at one of the most famous opera houses ever. Sure, it was old and run-down, but you all would recognize it. The same opera house where a giant chandelier dropped down and set the whole thing on fire….ah, good times. Good times.

"Man… this is AWESOME! I gotta get Joelle!" Pen SQUID'd away.

"How… this is the exact same location as on the address enclosed in the letter, Professor!"

"Seriously?" Khamelion downed some Dr. Pepper. "What are the odds?"

"Phantom can only poof to places he's seen before. Apparently, he's seen this place before, or at least a picture of it."

SQUID! "And so, we got poofed HERE, of all places, and I KNEW I had to get you here!" Standing next to Pen was yet another teenage girl to add to the bunch. She had short, black hair, and a smattering of freckles across her nose. She wore a striped blue turtleneck sweater, black skinny jeans, tennis shoes, and a red coat with fur around the hood that was too big for her. She had a pair of head-phone goggles almost exactly like Pen's, except for the fact that the headphones were blue and green rather than orange and black. The girl looked onto the theatre house in awe.

"…is that really-"

"Yes." Pen grinned.

"We're actually-"

"Yes." Her grin widened.

"And we're totally going to-"

"YES!" Pen's grin widened even WIDER-er, and the two girls hugged and jumped up and down excitedly.

"Um…excuse me?" The Professor looked puzzled. Clive Khamelion was doing the whole "Heyo, dude." Thing with the newcomer, and Clive had a pure look of "Oh great, more teenagers."

Pen put her arm around the girl's shoulder. "This, my friends, is my other pea in a pod. The yin to my yang, one of my bestest friends in the whole world, Aurora~!"

"Yo~!" She waved. "I'm Aurora, happy to be here, and you guys are going to LOVE this place, it's the most awesome thing ever and the music is totally-"

"Wait! I'm here too!" All heads snapped around to a familiar, annoying voice. Running towards them was a small figure wearing big green sunglasses and some sort of wrap over her head that resembled pizza. Aw snap.

"Oh please not her…" Kahmelion whispered as she winced.

"F-Flora!" Luke met the girl halfway. "How did you get here?"

"CURSE YOU, BLANKETHEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAD!" Pen fell on her knees and screamed into the sky, drawing odd looks from her team, passing by French people, and scattering pidgeons everwhere.

"Um…very well…" Layton tipped his hat. "Well, pleased to meet you, Miss Aurora. You're friends with Miss Pen?"

"Best friends~!" The two hugged again.

Khamelion came and fistbumped them. "Yep. The Three paper-tiers. Now, let's get this friggin' case done."

* * *

It was dark in the opera house as the door slammed behind them. They were closed today, and it was a wonder the door was unlocked. Whatever light there was came through the large windows in front, and reflected off the tile floors. They were staring up the…well, the stairs leading to the Procenium.

"Well, the statuary could be a bit less…eeeeeeehhh…." Kahmelion covered her eyes, and the Professor covered Luke's. The minions hopped along.

"Come one, ya'll." Pen walked up the stairs after them. "We're not going to get around that way. Let's go headfirst into adventure~!" She struck a pose like some comedy hero. The group followed her up the stairs, and wondered just what was going to rear it's ugly head. Flora tried to stay close. The place was seriously creeping her li'l ol' self out already.

A BLAST of eerie music played, shaking them all. "AWESOME!" Aurora shouted, grabbing Pen's arm. "I know!" "This is the THEME!" "I know!"

The ground opened up under Flora. What was once the pretty tile design in floor became a hole, and what was a startled gasp became a scream. As soon as it started, the music stopped and the floor closed up again behind her. Thank you, please come again, have a nice day~!

"FLORA!" Luke and Professor ran to the trap door. "What in the…Professor, what happened!"

"I don't know, my boy." The Professor felt around for any and all seams in the tile. There was no trace that there had ever been a door at all. "How in the….Miss Aurora!"

"Hm?"

"You and Pen seem to know a lot about this place. Do you have any idea what's going on!"

"Oh, that's a classic Phantom trap."

"Phantom?" Luke pointed to the small plushie.

"No, the Phantom of the Opera."

"Who?"

"He's a stalker that lives here." Pen made her way farther up the stairs. "Come on. I think I know a way to him."

"But…Flora-" Luke looked at the ground where she'd just disappeared.

"Um….yeah, sure. We'll get her back. Whatevs."

"It's not like she was very useful anyway." Khamelion downed some Dr. Pepper. "What exactly does she do for you guys anyway?"

"She cooks." Luke responded, defensively. "Although….that doesn't really work out…."

"Luke, mind yourself!"

"Eh, Professor's right." Pen said. "But, we're not getting anywhere now. You want blanket head back, let's roll!" Pen turned around to the top of the stairs- and ran smack-dab into a lady standing right there, eyeing the group coldly. Clive caught Pen before she could go tumbling down

"Ah, Hi, Mrs. Creepy Stranger~!"

The old woman looked over the group. She wore an old-fashioned French dress and her hair was tied in braids wound into a bun, and the woman carried a candleabra in a gloved hand. Aurora looked stunned. "….Madam Giry..." She ran forth to shake her hand wildly. "it is an HONOR to meet you, madam!" the lady simply looked shocked at her behavior. Drawing back her hand, she wiped her glove on her dress. She looked over the heads of the younger variety and saw the Professor.

"Profezah Layton, I prazume?" Her thick French accent managed the words. "You haf come very quickly."

* * *

The group made their way into the house, amongst the seating. The Professor and the Madam stood in the aisles, and Clive and Luke inspected the seating. Pen, Khamleion, and the Minions made their investigation of the boxes. Aurora Herself was hanging around the stages.

"Your protogez zeem very informed about zis opera house, Profezzor."

"Not all of them are mine. Luke is my apprentice ma'am. We were called here about the case, and we…had a few 'volunteers' come along. Tell me, are you the one who sent this letter?" The Professor handed her the letter.

"No, I am zorry. It waz he who zent you for help."

"This…Phantom, character?"

"Yez."

"Hey, guys!" Pen poofed down from the boxes. "I think we may have a problem."

"Do you not know it is very rude to interrupt vhen two adults are talking, miss? Zis iz a serious matter!"

"As serious as your statues comeing to un-life and attacking?"

Sure enough, the once inanimate golden statues also dropped down from their perches. The group circled up, Madam Giry in the middle. Khamleion watched from up in the balcony, and Aurora ran to meet them, but a blast of music sounded and she dropped through a panel in the stage. Surrounding them were zombies for the only reason of just because.

"AURORA!" Pen called! "WHYY!" She dropped to her knees again. "YOU JUST GOT HERE! YOU WERE GOING TO MEET THE ANGEL OF MUSIC! YOU WERE GOING TO HELP US MAKE A CAKE!"

"What the heck is going on!" Clive shouted as Thing passed out the weapons. The familiar lance shone in his hand.

Pen drew her hammer. "My friend got hit by a trap and we're going to have to fight more stuff! CHARGE!" Thing tooted the alarm on his trumpet, and they tore through the zombies. Pen screamed like a banshee and went totally berserk.

"…Professor, what is she doing?"

"IT'S PERSONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! MAKE A CAKE, YOU FIENDS!"

"Well, she's gone rabid." Clive knocked off a few zombies of his own. "Hey, Khamelion!"

"Yeah, man!" She called down from her best seat in the house, downing a Dr. Pepper.

"What are our chances of survival!" The Professor sliced a few of the golden zombies out of the way that were trying to get at Madam. "By the way, Pen, your story's getting stale."

Kahmleion downed the last of her drink and punched some numbers. "22 percent."

"Well, better than we usually do." Clive and the minions got back-to-back. As she was watching the fight, Kahmelion caught something in the corner of her eye. A cloaked figure disappeared through a hidden door in the ceiling. She climbed out of the box and walked along the ledge around the way. "Ok, I take back what I said earlier. THIS is a pretty good view as well!" She kept to wall as not to fall from her perch. Finally, she got to the door. Locked. Crap. It looked like a simple slide puzzle would open it. Screw that! Kahmelion kicked down the door and made her way inside.

* * *

" I SENTENCE YOU ALL TO DEATH!" Pen slammed her hammer into the ground, creating a small crater and disintegrating the zombie statues into golden dust. She stood there, panting for a bit, and then uprighted herself and straightened her hair. "Well…that was new."

Clive helped Luke out from a pile of dust. The Professor sneezed, having some of it entered his nose, and the minions put away the weapons and huddled together in the aisle with the remains of their team. Madam Giry looked shocked. "Zis is not normal…zis iz not hiz verk!" She looked frantic, and turned and rushed out of the room. "I must go to him! Zomezing'z wrong!"

"Madam! Wait!" the Professor and crew ran after her, but she was gone. The lady disappeared behind the curtain, without a trace. Luke ran his fingers along the wood paneling for a trapdoor, but found nothing. They were all that was left in the opera house. Professor, Luke, Clive, Phantom, and Thing. A more manageable cast number, but forboding came over them.

"There's no sign of Khamelion either…" Phantom looked around. Pen looked determined.

"You can take blanket-head, you can set a whole mess of traps for us, you can set up a zombie AMBUSH for us, but when you take the peas from my pod, you have gone TOO far! You may be a super-cool music genious, but you have gone TOO far! This is the point of NO return! Thing, get me my axe."

"What?" Clive raised an eyebrow. "More violence? How do you propose to fight this opera ghost if you can't find him?"

"Indeed." The Professor concurred….man, I've used that word three times in this chapter….

"No." Thing said, casually. "THIS axe." He handed his mistress an orange electric guitar, and dispensed an AMP. "Mistress Pen's BATTLE axe is at the cleaner's."

"I see!" Luke snapped. "We're going to draw the Angel of Music out WITH music! It's the only sane thing you've ever said this entire story~!"

"Actually…" Pen scratched the back of her head. "I just like playing loud rock music when I'm mad….BUT, THAT'S a good idea too."

Clive facepalmed. "Spoke too soon."

"Gentlemen, do you PLAY any instruments?"

"I play violin." A set of strings was promptly shoved into Luke's hands.

"I do have some studies in the piano." The Professor replied. Pen ran up onstage and set up the amps and microphones. She pointed down into the orchestra pit. "HAHA!" Sure enough, a pianoforte was sitting, the only instrument they couldn't move out of the pit was still standing there. Luke joined Pen onstage while the Professor sat on the bench. Clive just stood there.

"Well, what're ya waiting for, essay?"

"I…don't play an instument…"

"Can you sing without busting people's eardrums?"

"I never really tried."

"You wanna try now or play the epic instrument that is the metal triangle?" Phantom got the amps set up and he and thing crowded around Pen's legs.

"… no comment." He took the stage and the microphone.

"Just what are we supposed to be called, then?" Luke tuned the violin and was just about ready to go.

"Does it matter?" Clive said into the microphone, nearly getting his ears blown out at how loud it was. He lowered the dial accordingly.

"Hm…" Pen scratched the back of her head. "I do believe I have something that combines the fact that there are way too many plot twists in your series and my personal love for Brian Lee O'Mally's work…"

"O'Mally?" The Professor looked up from the pianoforte.

"WE ARE DRAMA BOB-OMB! ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"

"This is another rock song!" The Professor exclaimed, trying to find someway to plug his ears and play piano at the same time. Thing hurried to dispense the sheet music in front of the group, and the lyrics for Clive.

He panicked. "Is this really necessary? What IS it?"

"One of my favorites, andsomething that's going to speak to the Phantom."

"What sense does this make at all!"

"SING, ya MOO-QUACK!"

"Um, er-

I never meant to be so bad to you" Clive looked back at Pen. Between chords she gave him a thumbs-up

"One thing I said that I would never do- Ah, Pen, I feel stupid!"

She shot him a foamy-mouthed death glare. "Do it for Kahmleion Aurora."

"One look from you and I would fall from grace-I don't even LIKE them!"

"Then for Flora!"

"Don't even know her! -And that would wipe the smile right from my face…really Pen, I-"

She grabbed him by the collar, her face almost touching his, "IFYOUDON'!" She dropped him and he spun, regaining his balance by grabbing the mike.

"Um…Do you remember when we used to dance?" he looked. A deadly-faced Thumb's up from Pen, a cheerful thumb's up from Luke, and a neautral-by-now-just-keeping-his-awesome-gentleman's-cool-by-now thumb's up from Layton.

"An incedent arose from circumstance.

One thing led to another, we were young

And we would scream together songs unsung."

Pen slammed on her guitar. "GET YOUR STAR ON!" They were saving hostages, might as well have some fun. The music getting faster, Clive got his star on.

"It was the heat of the moment!

Tellin' me what your heart meant.

The heat of the moment, shone in your eyes!" He jumped onto an amp

"And now you find yourself in '82

The disco hot spots hold no joy for you

You can concern yourself with bigger things

Catch a pearl and ride a dragon's wings-What in the, these lyrics don't make any sense!"

"Yeah, but it's a good jam!" She said, apparently she'd been right behind him…"BRING IT ON HOME, EVERYBODY!" They even got the professor to break out in song, and the strobe lights and multicolor flashing went off everywhere…man, hi-tech opera house.

"'cause it's the heat of the moment

heat of the moment

heat of the moment shone in your eyes!"

The beginnings of a trapdoor appeared on the floor. "Keep playing!" The Professor called from the orchestra pit. The same eerie music blasted from nowhere. The group kept on playing.

"And when your looks are gone and you're alone!

How many nights you sit beside the phone

What were the things you wanted for yourself?

Teenage ambitions you remember well!"

Luke and Pen, back to back joined in. Yes, professor. I believe we are rubbing off on him. He's a wicked violinist.

"It was the heat of the moment

Telling me what your heart meant!

The heat of the moment, shone in your eyes!"

The music was getting louder. The stage floor was opening up. The professor jumped from the piano, and pulled Luke out of the way. He tried to get to the amps, but the floor had opened up too much.

"Heat of the moment!"

"PEN! You can STOP SINGING!" Clive switched off the microphone, and Phantom and Thing tried to get to Pen, but couldn't find their way over the hole getting wider and wider. Pen tossed the guitar away, letting it smash away. "Well, Gentlemen, here we go! I may not make it back alive, but I'm doin' it anyway!" She plugged her nose and jumped. "Let's dance, Opera Ghost! GERONIMOOOO!" Her voice got smaller as she slid farther and farther away. The Professor tried to get Luke out of the way, but the floor kept opening up under them. Luke lost his footing, and hanging onto the Professor sent them both tumbling down, screaming. It was all Clive could do to just hang onto the amp, and all the minions could do to hang onto his legs. The music still blasted, and the floor rumbled shut, and within a shadow of a second, all was silent.

* * *

It was the kind of shaken silent, like after a bomb or a flock of birds being scattered. Clive gathered his wits. "What just happened?...I…Pen just JUMPED into the floor! Is she-…Is she bat Crazy!"

"Yes and yes." Phantom stared at the floor where his mistress once stood. "…She wouldn't have done so without a reason though." Thing reminded.

"Oh, like she did when she jumped off of Big Ben when we first met?" Clive rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't we go find her!"

"That's just what HE wants!" Thing dispensed a baseball bat from his head and hopped down from the amp. Knocking on the ground a few times, he turned back and helped Phantom down. "Yep. Solid as a rock…well, tree. It's a wood floor."

"Couldn't you just use a chainsaw and follow her then?" Clive himself got down from the amp, trying to clear the thoughts of the ridiculous musical number out of his head.

"No!" Phantom jumped. "Do you want to slide into whatever down there? That defeats the purpose of Mistress Pen's plan!"

"What plan?"

"The one Thing somehow got before everyone disappeared…well, is a certainly more manageable cast size." True. It was down to Clive, Phantom, and Thing. The three of them, on a mission to save the hostages.

"Alright, whoever you are!" Clive shouted, walking to the end of the stage. "I hope you're listening, because we're going to make you pay-WUAGH!" And it was down to two.

Phantom and Thing leaned over the side of the stage. "Clive?" Phantom hopped down with his fellow plushie and poked the figure with a stick.

"mmmmeerrrrrrrroorrn…"

"He's good."

"I think he's paralyzed. Here, let's get him in my head."

* * *

The two made their way to the diva's green room. The dead flowers looked as if they hadn't been changed in a while, and the vanity had a coat of dust.

"Mrrrrrrrn…" Clive's head poked out of Thing's. "I cn fl meh fsh …"

"What?" Phantom raised a non-existant eyebrow, now holding the baseball bat.

"I. CN. FL. MEH. FSH…Whdr wdrng n hr?"

"Ma'am, we're professionals." Phantom calmly kept his air…and then smashed the big mirror to pieces."

"MRR?"

"Dude, calm down, you're paralyzed!" Thing stepped through the shattered hole that remained. The minions-and Clive-stared down a long, dark tunnel into pitche blackness. "Hey, dude, you mind passing me a flashlight or something from in there?"

"…."

"OH! Right." Thing dug around Clive and pulled out the electric torch.

* * *

"Man!" Phantom exclaimed. "There's gotta be like, a hundred rats down here-YEEK!" the goth rabbit-looking thing jumped into the burlap drawstring sack creature's arms like Scooby-Doo.

"CnwgetRNwrdt?"

Thing, still holding his fellow minion, Thing pointed the flashlight down the tunnel…he heard music…it wasn't the eerie music from before…it actually sounded like jazz. "Jazz?"

"Mistress like jazz almost as much as rock and contemporary Christian!"

"We must be getting close!"

"WHRRRAH!" SPLASH!

* * *

"yeah, man! That's a great addition to the score!" Pen downed a canned lemonade, and took a bite of moon pie. "I'm tellin' ya, show tunes need to be SHOW-y~!"

"Ah! Zank you, Miz Pen! I zay, you are a certainly…inspiring individual."

"Dodedodedo~WAFFLES~!"

Aurora laughed as she sat on the piano bench next to Eric.

"I must say, sir, you make quite a good cup of tea." The Professor and Luke sat on the edge of the lake, drinking quite a lovely brew, when two vertically-challenged pluhsies pulled themselves, scraggly and dripping, out of the water.

"MISTRESS!" Phantom, panting, got back up. "We're here to rescue you!"

"Phantom! Thing!" You joined the party~!" Khamelion raised a can of Dr. Pepper from the eagle bed she'd been lounging on. "We've got lunch, and Mr. Opera Ghost made some lovely tea."

"huh?" Thing helped his friend out of the lake and up the way over to the rest of the group.

"Oh, Eric's not such a bad guy, when you get to know him." Pen left Aurora to her piano lesson. "He just needed a little…where's Clive?"

"….River."

"bbrrrebrbbrbrrbbrr…"

Pen splashed in and dragged him out. "Fall off the stage and get paralyzed?"

"mrrnhhrn."

"Phantom, get cuddlemari."

Once they were all together and the squid doctor had done his work, they were ready for the "intervention."

"You ok, dude?"

"Yeah, Cuddlemari at least freed up my mouth. He said the rest of me would take a day or so maybe."

The Professor set down his teacup and tipped his hat. "Well, Sir, what exactly did you call for us here after all?"

The man sighed, and went all dramatic. "I am trapped by a nefarious character…myself. I need you to solve a great puzzle for me."

"Ok, but I think you should probably take this up with your regular Phsyatrist." Khamelion downed some more Dr. Pepper. Clive elbowed her. Hey, his left arm was back in commission!

"First of all, why did you attack us, picking us off one by one?"

"I hoped to get you alone. I didn't know who in the world the other ones were, and I didn't really want to talk in front of them."

"Tough cumquats." Khamelion was elbowed again. She ninja-chopped him in the gut.

"AGH! Paralyzed yes…numb…no…"

Eric continued. "I've been told I have a stalking problem and trouble making friends…"

"Ain't that the truth." What, no one bothers elbowing PEN once in awhile?

"So, what do you need us to help you with?"

"Didn't you hear the part about trouble making friends? Trapped by myself? I need a girlfriend!"

…silence in the room. "Well…that's…a new one…"

Pen stood up, in weirdo speech-making mode. "Sir, I had a feeling about this-"

"Yes, I heard your song…that was deep, miss."

"Don't thank me, thank ASIA~!" She continued. Anyway, man, you gotta pull yourself together. You've been spending too long in these catacombs and junk. Dude, if you want ladies, you gotta know we really DO like humble, sweet, sensitive guys."

"Really?...I thought the whole 'dark, bad-boy mystery' appealed to girls nowadays."

"Yeah, for about a hot minute. Then they leap to another bad-boy. Trust me, I've dabbled in being a HUGE fangirl."

Kahmelion did a spit-take. "DABBLED! You call yourself the original mary-sue!"

Pen continued. "If a girl's looking for a long-term relationship, they need someone they can really be with. Someone who makes them comfortable. Someone who's always there for them. Hey, you've dabbled in being a stalker-"

"Again with the 'dabbled!'" This time AURORA elbowed Kahmleion. This was one of her favorite characters we were talking about here.

Pen placed a hand on the Phantom's shoulder. "That should be easy for you! Man, you've got a LOT of your own fangirls. You just need to be a bit nicer, not be so kill-crazy, sit down and have a nice meal or something, maybe catch a good play. Just don't be too clingy like you normaly do, alright?" CRASH! Soundwave came through the ceiling, having smashed through the opera house.

"Yeah man." He said in his robotic voice. "You just got to lighten up. Even A deuce like me can get the ladies."

"Did that robot just talk?" Eric cocked an eyebrow, the only one visible with that mask on.

"What we mean is, just go out there and GET 'em, tiger. Be yourself, the rest will follow."

To prove his point, Phantom SQUID'd away and brought back a fangirl. A short, dumpy girl with scraggly brown hair and a black hoodie over a GIR t-shirt.(a/n: this is not supposed to look like anyone in particular. I just pulled it off the top of my head as far as most fan girls look, and I apologize if this actually looks like anyone. It's completely coincidental, we promise.) She looked around, and saw Eric, and blushed. "Um…ohayo…I'm Kawaii Koneko-chan…you can call me Koneko." (a/n: again, coincidental)

"I'm Eric."

"And I like where this is going~!" Pen said, just as the two embraced and kissed. The entire group looked on with an "Aaaaaaw…"

Khamelion downed some more of her drink. "Man I hat mush…"

"Well, I guess there's somebody for everybody, huh Professor?"

"I…suppose so, my boy. I suppose so."

"Well, we got the sociopath a girlfriend, played a ridiculous musical number-again-and we made new friends." Clive said. "What do we do now?"

Wasabi Ed-oh, hello, there! There you are!-rose from the water like a submarine and opened back his maw, playing music. Pen threw her hands in the air "Let's trash what's left of the opera house and throw a Just Dance 2 party!"

And party on they did.

* * *

The group found themselves at the Professor's flat. They were tired and it was late.

"Sure was nice of Eric to pay for us to get tours of the Louvre. Too bad Aurora had to go home afterwards…" Pen yawned loudly. "Man, I'm ready to hit the hay."

"We lost Wasabi Ed again." Khamelion yawned as well. To tell the truth, she could have stayed up later, but there was no artwork to draw here. Same case with Pen.

"Hey, where did Flora go, anyway?" Clive cocked an eyebrow.

"Madam Giry offered to tutor her." Luke got back from changing into his little blue jammies. Adorable~! "She's going to become a ballarina now, apparently. She'll live in the opera house-or what's left of it-and perhaps become a famouse opera star someday."

"I'm glad there was a happy ending afterall…" Thing mused.

"Me too." Phantom joined him in a far-away look. Both yawned.(a/n: yeah…I'm getting pretty sleepy right now as I write this….hey, this author's note thing is pretty fun…ladidadida~)"Let's get the heck outta here."

"I left your car out back, Professor." Thing said. "The moon bunnies are fixing it."

"Um…thank you, Thing."

Pen, Kahmelion, Thing, Phantom, and Clive joined hands. With a SQUID, they were gone.

… "Well, Professor. Never a dull moment with that bunch."

Reala was not featured in this chapter…the zombies were though…hehe. Zombie slayin. Good times, good times.

* * *

And yes, the end of our third chapter. Tune in next time, or when I get around to it. Coming up is our BIG finale. It shall be called:

Big Finally:

Dizception.

See ya'll around.


	4. we're stallin' for time

Pen walked onto the set carrying Phantom. The moon bunnies were still putting together and cleaning up from the last few incidents of the team's escapades, and the battle cubes weren't making it any easier.

"Hey ya'll" She waved to the audience. "Look, I'm gonna take a while to get together all the random crud I'm gonna need for the finale. That's right. It's about time for us to leave this demension and head on to the next wacky world. So, I'm going to be doing a little filler thing to help it along. For the people who've been reading this, I thank you, and I really appreciate your support. Without you, there wouldn't be a Poof Chronicles 1." She normally wasn't this chill.

"Well, I've bribed the rest of the cast into doing a Q and A/Truth or Dare segment. You can either ask one of the characters a question, dare someone to do something stupid-not that we really do anything else around here-or, here's something, you can send in your suggestions to the box~!"

Thing came onscreen and opened his drawstring head. "We're taking a maximum of two song suggestions for our finale. We're having fun with the whole stupid musical number thing, so we need a LOT of Disney songs. How else are we going to annoy Clive?"

"Remember-" Phantom said, straightening a ranger's hat on his head. "Only you can prevent Clive's sanity."

"Also," Pen hogged the camera again. "we have a poll on our next location in the profile. Be sure to check that too."

"Thanks for reading, guys," Thing closed his head. "Please put all questions, dares, and criticism in the reviews."

"That's right." Phantom poofed in front of him. "We ARE hounding for reviews like other writers~!"

Together, in unison, they said their farewell.

"See Ya'll later~! We'll hope to see your crazy mess in the Q and A dare chapter~!"

With love, the PaperWyngz Production team.


	5. Chapter 5

Poof Chronicles 1

Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists Chapter 5

Brawl, Inception, and Junk

OR

The Big Finale, the MUSICAL

Part 1: Setup and a Whole Lotta' Eyebrow Cockin'.

* * *

Do you want me to cut to the chase without all the narrative crap? Too bad.

It was a fairly typical day in London. The sun was shining, the birds are signing-isn't it beautiful? XD- and a motley crew known as our heroes had finished fighting a monster made of some sort of fudge.

"Aw, what! Why can't they ever be DARK chocolate?" Kahmelion took another Dr. Pepper out of Thing's head. Clive straightened his tie and caught up with them. "Why is it every time I go to the supermarket with you guys, it burns to the ground!" Pen shrugged, wearing the classic Awesome Face. The Professor and Luke were on similar errands when the attack occurred.

"Eh. We got everything we need, and now the fire department gets to do their job."

"Yeah, they ARE paid to do this." Kahmelion chugged the can dry and tossed it over her shoulder.

"Honestly, Miss Pen, I haven't seen you anything but nonchalant about many of the foul beasts we come across." The Professor adjusted his hat. "That's true." Clive concurred. "You act as if getting eaten alive by a pile of goo and chopping its head off from the inside like in Hurcules is the norm."

"Hey, you guys are all putting up with it fairly well for peeps who just got into it….Incoming on your right." The crew dodged a stray wad of fudge flying at them from the still-volatile supermarket.

"How are you never worried? There's ZOMBIES and what-have-you ransacking the city constantly, a strange gothic clown is always stalking you, aren't you the least bit concerned?" Clive checked the bags he was carrying before depositing them in Thing's head. The only reason they were walking was because Phantom decided to stay at the flat today. The only reason Luke wasn't chirping in whenever was because he'd stayed also stayed. There was cleaning to do, and Pen lent him the minion.

"Well, why SHOULD I worry?" Pen crossed her arms behind her head, and the music started.

"Wasabi Ed?" Thing looked around. Sure enough, the little green thing was hopping around the tops of the buildings.

"Isn't it early for a musical number in this chapter?" Kahmelion got another can. "Usually we save that for later, during the fight scenes." But, it was already playing.

"I'm the main character, and my friends are all, well, main characters too. NOTHING ever happens that the main character can't punch in the face." As if to prove her point, the wad of evil fudge attacked, and she simply got her hammer, twirled it, and popped the bogey off while whistleing a merry tune like a mary-sue. "You see? Main character, plus total mary sue, equals win. So, the real question is not 'do you ever worry-" She said, the music getting louder. "The question is, 'why should I?'"

"Oh, here it comes." Thing sat down on a park bench with Khamleion, and motioned for Clive and the Professor to join them. "She's gonna lay it down."

Pen, terrible singing voice though she had, sang. "One minute, I'm taller than Big Ben, then I'm down lower than Dorcey street."

"What in God's name is she saying?" Clive whispered. Thing shushed him.

"From Buckingham to Gressenheller, there's a synchopated beat.

The schoolboy chorus joined in all like "Woohoo, woohoo hoo~!"

"I'm streetwise, I can improvise."

"Whoo-hoo, whoohoo hoo~!"

"I'm street smart, and I've got London heart!" The schoolgirl band kicked in. Amazing what people just happen to pass by and join in in these musicals.

"Why should I worry?

Why should I care?

I may not have a pence, but I got street savoire faire~!

Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just a be-bop-ulation, and I got street savoire faire~!" She broke out dancing, the chorus and band joining in. By this time Kahlmelion had downed three mugs of coffee and six cans of Dr. Pepper in boredom, Clive had a bucket of popcorn, and Thing was absentmindedly looking over the show program. "Hey, where's Layton?" Pen continued, nonchalant and using her hammer like a cane.

"Hey, why should I worry? Take it way, Professor!"

"They rythim of the city, but once you get it down,

then you can own this town, you can wear the crown~!" Hey, he's a main character too.

"Why should I worry?" The two danced the number, Pen out of need to boogy every few minutes, Professor out of politeness. "Why should I care? I may not have a pence-of common sense- but I've got street savoire faire.

Why should I worry? Why should I care?

It's just a doo-wop-ulation, and I got street savoire faire~!"

Kahmelion, thing, and Clive joined the school kids chorus, "Everything's smashing, can't say we're lame-"

The spotlight locked on Clive, and he rolled his eyes. "They loved me at Scotland Yard, they adored me at the Thames!" And everyone finished the foreshadowing for this chapter with the chorus. "Why should I worry? Why should I care? Even when I cross that line, I got strete savoire faire~!"

A woo-hoo, woohoo hooo~!

A woo-hoo, whoohoo hoo~

a woo-hoo, whoohoo hoo

awoohoo, whoohoohoo.

As the music faded, and Wasabi Ed was once again nowhere to be found, the group sat down on the sofa, and Luke got their tea.

"You see, Clive? I'm the main character. Nothing can hurt me."

"All I can see is that the musical number was a great way to pass the time to get here."

* * *

As our group of wannabe heroes lazed around, you could just look out the window and see it was a slow day. Pen, laying upside-down over the couch, yawned. "Man, nothing's happened in HOURS."

Khamelion looked up from whatever the heck book she was reading. "Eh. I actually like having a little peace." Clive set his tea down on the coffee table.

"True enough." He concurred. "Some of these things make me want to be back in my nice, quiet cell.

Pen righted herself. "Do you really mean that, or are you just whining?"

"Nah, I'm just whining." Clive downed the rest of the tea, just as the Professor and Luke came back in from getting the mail

"Ah, why the long faces?" The Professor turned on the radio. "After all, you did already get a good battle today."

Phantom poofed back in from getting the newspaper, Thing had been with him. "Mistress gets bored easily. Oh, by the way, they have that hilarious comic you like in the funnies section today, Mistress!"

As Pen leapt on the newsprint, Luke rummaged through his small trunk. Something was certainly missing. The Professer knew it too, and had a similar dilemma, as the two said in unision, "Has anyone seen my hat?"

Kahmelion looked over the pages of whatever the heck book she was reading. True enough, there they were, messy hair for all the world to see. "When was the last time you had them?"

The Professor checked his drawers. "I believe I put my hat right here on the desk last night, and Luke always sets his by his pillow."

"Hm…Well, I have no idea."

Suddenly, the radio started the crackle. The static and high-pitched interference rang through the flat, and the group was focused on the little device on the table. The static started to fizz out, and what sounded like it could be a voice started to come through. They stared, and the Clive tried to change the channel, but so other sound came through. Suddenly, it spoke. The voice was mixed, both feminine and masculine.

"Good day, Professor."

"…good day, radio." The Professor instinctively raised his hand to tip his hat, but remembered it wasn't there.

"Good day, Team PaperWyngz and Team Layton. Pen Fandango, Kahmleion, Phantom, Thing, Clive, Layton, and Luke. I am R."

"Ooooooooh…" Pen mused. "Double parody in one little conversation with a radio."

"Anyway, I have called you to investigate a matter of great urgency. If I am not quick and clear about this, and if the operation doesn't go as planned, someone I care for may be gone from me forever."

"What can we do to help you mister…or, miss…R?" The Professor leaned closer to the device, and Pen leaned on the table next to it.

"Look in todays paper. Page three should have an article of a new ship, schedualed to leave today on a cruise down the Thames river."

Luke did as the voice intstructed, and sure enough there was such an advertisement. "A party boat, Professor. Leaves at two o clock."

The Professor turned back to the radio. Clive himself, along with Phantom and Thing leaned on the edge of their seats on the sofa, and Kahmelion simply turned the page of her book, not even trying to look invested. "What about this ride?"

R spoke again, crackling through the radio. "Now, check your mail. There should be a letter, no return address, with five tickets inside for this very occasion."

Sure enough, there was such a letter. Luke gasped, and looked over the items within. "Professor! There is!"

"Well, of course, boy!" R snapped. "Would a creepy voice through your radio lie to you? Anyway, I need you to take this ride. I'll give you further instructions once you're all there. In the meantime, I must go."

"Wait, what do you-" But the signal already converted back to the regular music.

"Professor, what was THAT all about?"

"I don't know…but I believe we're going on a boat."

"Time out!" Luke exclaimed, forming the T with his hands. "I know a gentleman always helps those in need, but don't you remember what happened all the other time's we've gotten mysterious letters calling us away for foggy reasons?"

"Why, my boy, aren't you exaggerating a bit?"

"St. Mystere, Foalston, Future London, The Phantom of the Opera, to name a few, Professor." Luke counted each one off on his fingers.

"Also, I crunched the numbers-" Kahmelion said, taking a calculator from Thing's head. "And to total of your own expeditions and the time we've been here alone….all together it's eighteen hundred sixty four times."

There was an awkward silence through the room, and of course only one person was too stupid to get the real gravity of the situation. Popping her own head out of Thing's, where she'd been rummaging around to make sure they were all packed, "Well, are we stayin' here and ruining the plot?"

* * *

And so, they apparently were. The horn boomed over the river as the passengers boarded. There was a fat rich lady, a war general, a nerd, a maid, and some regular average joes…Now WHO killed the victem with WHAT and WHERE? Haha. JK. Anyway, our motley crew of heroes boarded, wary, on their toes, and still missing their hats.

Kahmelion and Pen laughed and exchanged jokes as they reached the deck The Professor ducked his head into a newspaper to avoid being recognized without headgear, Luke did the same with a comic, and Clive honestly wasn't that phased.

"Haven't bad things already happened to us on boats?" Luke flipped a page.

"Luke, what IS that?" The Professor took up the questionable reading material. "…Shonen Jump?"

"Hey, if it makes you feel any better," Pen trotted down the hall ahead of them, "The other choice I gave him was Shojo Beat."

"I'm not going to ask." Clive facepalmed.

"Don't bother." Kahmelion finished bluntly. "Hey, Pen, we're here." The brunette spun around and dug the key out of the bottomless drawstring.

"Well, home sweet home for whatever time left." Kahmelion sat down on the bed, and felt paper crinkle under her bottom. "MEEP!"

Clive cocked an eyebrow in her direction.

"What! I have problems being touched!...and butt warmth…these sheets are right out of the dryer or something…" The girl pulled whatever it was from under herself. It was a program.

"OH! Lemme see!" Pen took it "This COULD be a clue….hm…Shuffle boarding at ten…Luau at five… It's GIBBERISH! The foe's toying with us!"

"That's the PROGRAM…Wait, what's that?" Layton noticed a corner jutting from between the pages. Pen tried to pull it out, but to no avail.

"It's not in between the pages…it's in between the page!" This time, she fiddled a bit with the corner of the back page. It did seem thicker than the others. She peeled the two sheets apart. Stuck between them was the very thing that Layton'd spotted. It was a simple, red sheet of paper folded up in fourths. Upon further investigation, it was written in some unintelligible manner.

"Well, that doesn't make any sense…" Phantom said, resting on Clive's shoulder as the whole group leaned over the letter.

"Now THAT'S gibberish, the foe IS toying with us!" Thing clenched his "fist."

"Hold on." Pen paused, in one of her rare moments of rational though. "Anyone have a mirror?" She said, gazing at the message.

"No mirror, mistress." Phantom said, peering into Thing's head.

"You take the trouble to pack everything and a bag of chips in there, and you don't keep a mirror?" Clive gave them a pointed stare. Pen studied the page. "You see, this is one of those times where I am about to astound you with one of my many skills I have as a Mary-Sue. I can read backwards and/or upside down."

"How did you learn that?" Layton raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I went to this anime once, and I had to look at the subtitles from the OTHER side of the screen for the first time to know what they were saying to me. Hooray for being too lazy to learn Japanese!"

"Well, what's it say?" Luke leaned closer. The group hunched over the note, and Pen read aloud.

"Get the suitcase from under the bed."

"There's no space under the-" Phantom was knocked over after tapping on the panel of wood, which sprung open to reveal there was indeed a hidden compartment.

"Alright, check that. Inside, there should be a large syringe and a mind generator with plugs for each of you."

The minions checked, and sure enough there they were. Luke looked at the equipment, amazed. "What in the…what's all this for?"

"Now, you'll have to enter the dream, and embark on your journey. Once you are in the dream, you will have your full FULL instructions. To get into the dream, you must follow these simple instructions…ok, now there's a list of instructions."

"Alright, hold on." Kahmelion used her awesome calculator skills and punched the numbers. "There's a 99.999999999999999999999-"

"Point, please?" Clive inspected the equipment.

"Well, you get the idea, percent chance this could be a trap."

"Well, we're already honor-bound as gentlemen and contract-bound as characters in this fanfiction to take this request, so we don't have much choice." Professor Layton looked over the note along with Pen.

"Awesome!" She declared. "And for that, we have spare fedoras provided for you, Luke, and Clive in Thing's noggin'…You know what, just pass them all around to everybody.

* * *

"Alright, now we're all a matching set!" Pen read the list of instructions.

"Step one, choose a designated dreamer. Most teams go in with architect, point man, forger, etcetera, but you will not need this for the nature of this case…ok, who's the dreamer? My imagination's way too dangerous."

"Not it." Kahmelion called.

"I'll do it." The Professor Volunteered. "I'm able to stay calm under most circumstances, and if we're in my head, there shouldn't be too much to worry about."

"Good! Check on that one…now, apply the plugs to everyone…ok, Clive, you got the plugs?"

He did as the backwards not directed. Hesitating, he put the plugs to everyone's temples. "Are you guys sure this is ok?"

"Clive, we're trained professionals. Of course we're not sure…Now, sedate everyone so you can go to sleep and the machine can start up and you can start on your mission."

"Hey, what do we do?" Phantom put his arm around his fellow minion and gestured to Thing and himself. "We're plushies. All the sedative would do is get our stuffing wet and-"

BONK!

"escuchar este mensaje en español, pulse dos…" And they were out for the count. Everyone stared wide-eyed at Kahmelion.

"What?" She dusted off her hands. "I don't carry around that copy of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' JUST to read it over and over again."

"…alright, we're all set. You guys probably wouldn't trust me anywhere near you guys with a sharp object, Clive's been in jail, Layton's already getting in the zone, Luke wouldn't know the dosage, the minions are knocked out already, and Kahmelion's the one who wants to be a doctor or a lawyer or a doctor or something when she grows up…pointed stare."

"Pointed stare." Clive agreed.

"Disgruntled grumble." Kahmelion begrudgingly got the needle and issued the doses. The Professor went under, and Luke soon followed. "You ready, Pen?"

"Born ready, now tallyho this thang!" And she was out like a light. Clive took a long look at her.

"Is it too late to join the senior citizens on deck for bingo?"

"Good night." She jabbed him right in the neck. "…although he did have a point…I could probably just take the rest of the Dr. Peppers from Thing's head and walk away right now….then Pen would show her Mary-Sue wrath and SHE has a flamethrower…hm…it'd totally be worth it." She shrugged it off, and began to get up, and head to the door, but tripped on Pen's leg sticking out. With a yelp, Kahmelion fell, landing on the syringe going right into her stomach.

"…" She turned her head as her vision faded. "You're not even conscious! Pen, how do you DO that?...ah, I'm out."

* * *

Clive gazed absentmindedly out of the window, not that there was anything to look at but the passing subway lights. The driver spoke through the intercom. "Next stop, Hyrule."

"Hyrule?" Clive got up, and looked at the map. Sure enough, there was the place, indicated in red. "Who in the world is Gannon?" He traced the line, and met fingers with someone. Statled, he looked to see who it was. It was young boy, familiar, but something put it off…

"Luke?"

"Clive! I was wondering if I'd find you."

"How did we get here?"

"Hm? Well, we sedated ourselves, went into the dream and-"

"But how did we get HERE?"

"I…don't know. I guess we've just been…I don't know, riding"

"Exactly. You never remember the exact beginning of a dream. You're always just _there, _in the situation."

The two boys in blue, the ribbon on their fedoras matching, turned to face the one who'd addressed them. Above the edge of the newspaper, they saw a similar hat with a neon green ribbon. The girl folded the newspaper. "Yo, peace." Kahmelion got up and stood next to them. "Well, this is another mess Pen's gotten us into. At least this I know AND give a crap about."

"What is it?"

"Oh, we're under Inception."

"Again, what is it?" Clive persisted.

"Ok, we're in Layton's dream. His mind is hosting us, and all the people around here?"

Clive reached out a hand and waved it in front of a lady's face. "What about them?"

"Don't try. They're just projections. The subconcious's white blood cells. They won't catch on till later, so there IS a time limit as to how long we can be here…"

"What do they do when they catch on?"

"They'll try to kill us." : )

"…Well, that's just dandy."

"We should probably find Thing. Then at least we'll have weapons and we can find the others safely. Ok, now that we're here, we're going to need to reach the checkpoint, then we go under again into the next level, and continue until we reach the end and extract what we need or eradicate what we need to. It's all vague, considering we're in Layton's head and really won't be much here besides him, or at least it shouldn't."

"Where's the checkpoint."

"Quite possibly the end of the line."

"Hyrule?"

Dramatic pause. "Ah crap, why'd it have to be HYRULE! I still owe Link fifty rupees from our last poker game.." She facepalmed.

"End of the line!"

The group turned. "Well, that was quick and easy."

"Not as easy as it'll be to finish you, visitors!" The driver turned around in his seat….and revealed himself to be a hideous, wolf-like cyborg, with skin stretched unnaturally over its metal frame and fangs dripping. He got up, snarling, and grinned at the team of heroes.

"You were saying?" Luke cringed.

"Ah, great, erasers. Haven't seen them in ages." Kahmelion rolled her eyes sarcastically.

* * *

Pen and Layton drew their weapons from Thing's head. Phantom was too scared to remember to poof, and hid in Thing's head. Thing attatching himself to Pen's back. She and Layton adjusted the brims of their orange-ribboned fedoras in unison.

"Alright, Layton. I'll smash the left 18's heads open, you slice the other dozen and a half on the right IN half."

"Are you sure that plan will work? It's more of a schoolboy's assignment in issue."

"Yeah, just get away from the explosion afterward." She rushed forward with a battlecry. Swinging her giant hammer this way and that, she made quick work of the wolf robots, as did Layton. The projections quickly caught on, and finally pulled out their own weapons at this.

"Aw, shell!" Pen took the professor by the arm, and he held onto his hat and she smashed the car door open with her hammered hand, and the dashed through and tumbled into the rest of their party. "Kahmelion! Clive! Luke!"

"Ah, hello. Nice of you to drop in." Clive pulled Phantom out of thing's head as the eraser subway driver advanced on them. "Phantom! Poof, dang you!"

Phantom tried. He concentrated hard, but all he managed was a "POOT."

"I don't even want to KNOW how a plushie is able to fart, but why can't you poof us out of here!"

"I don't know, man!" Phantom was scared out of his wits. "I just kept trying, but I couldn't make it work!"

"Why not!"

"AND Phantom's the totem! Well, this day keeps getting better!" Kahmelion drew her own sword from Thing's head, as Luke got his dagger, and Clive his lance. Layton wielded his rapier and Pen her sledgehammer as the group circled up defensively against the cyborg bandidos. Just as they were together, BAM! Another came out of nowhere and tied them all in a bundle, and danced around as they struggled against the bonds. In a cold voice, the driver spoke.

"Hahaha. I bet you didn't tell thim this, girlie: In a dream, you can feel all the pain we want you too, and when we kill you, game over. You'll wake up and your mission will be failed!"

"How do you know about R?"

"I didn't I was bluffing to learn your secrets!"

A look of pure What the Heck spread on Pen AND Kahmelion's faces.

"I can see that your powers of perception-"

"Hey, Wasabi Ed is back." Luke noted. Clive's head dropped. "God, not two in one chapter…"

"Are as wet as a warthog's backside."

"Do do do do do." Pen was sharply elbowed by Kahmelion.

"that's disgusting." The professor remarked.

"Can they kill us and THEN sing?" Clive whined.

The eraser continued. "But thick as you are, pay attention.

My words are a matter of pride.

I can see from you're vacant expressions

The lights are not all on upstairs.

But we're talking a prince of nightmare and his fiancé

Even you can't be caught unawares."

He jumped onto the seats, and the lights were shot out, leaving a spot over the fiend.

"So prepare for the chance of a lifetime.

Be prepared for sensational news." He swung on one of the subway poles.

"A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer-"

"And where do we feature?" Kahmelion cocked an eyebrow.

"Just listen to teacher." He pinched her cheek, and she responded by biting him. He shook off the pain, and continued.

"I know it sounds sordid, but we'll all be rewarded

when at last the nightmare is given his dues!

And injustice deliciously squared! BE PREPARED!"

"Um…yeah…be prepared." Clive sang in mock enthusiasm. "Prepared for what?" Luke cocked an eyebrow.

"For the wedding of the prince!"

"Oh! A wedding! I love weddings!" Pen bounced up and down for joy

"No, you idiot, he's an evil prince and the bride is being forced! She's been baited here and we're capturing here as we speak to bring her to the ceremony!"

"Oh, great, who cares about what women think?" Kahmelion rolled her eyes. She and Pen joined in. "No feelings, makin' sammiches, lalalalalala~!"

"Idiots! She WILL have feelings!"

"But you just said-"

"There's going to be a love potion in the champagne. She'll be all for it."

"Oh, well THAT just fixes everything, then!" Pen rolled her eyes this time.

"Be prepared for the murkiest scam, meticulous planning!

Teancity spanning, decades of denial!

Which is simply why he'll be kind undisputed

Respected, saluted!

And seen for the wonder he is!"

The chorus of the erases chimed in "The ambitions and teeth are now bared-"

"BE PREPARED!"

FWOOSH! The driver was reduced to a pile of ash on the floor.

! The erasers exploded from the gunshots. The group all turned their heads slowly to Pen and Phantom, with flamethower and machine gun. Blunt expressions.

"Miss Pen, why couldn't you have just done that earlier? The Professor used his rapier to cut through the ropes.

"I thought I'd at least let him finish. It seemed polite, and I do love a good musical number…why couldn't you have just cut the rope earlier?"

"Hm, touché."

* * *

After the subway reached its destination, the group walked out into the light. Sure enough, they were in a fantastical world you all know.

"Alright, chums." Pen said, straightening her outfit. For some reason or another, she'd changed. Aside from the fedora she now wore jeans, vans, a dark blue scoop-neck top and a blue-black-and-white plaid collared shirt open over it. Her hair was also down. "Our best bet is to head to the castle. We've got other chums there, and the architect that's obviously been pre-provided of this place should at least know that to make this convincing, even if it IS a load of malarkey, and they will probably be played by their forger." She turned to face the rest of the team, emerging from the dugout in the hillside. "Men, our heading is that giant castle in the distance."

"I thought we were in the Professor's dream!" Luke chimed in. "Why is all this stuff here?"

"He facilitates, but we inhabit." Kahmelion took Clive's hand helping her up. "At least this way its watered down a bit, being in a calmer mind rather than Pen's already jacked-up mind. Also, there's going to be a lot of puzzles considering the nature of your series, and your own subconscious won't attack and kill YOU."

"Well, that makes a bit of sense in coherence with the other small bits of information you've given me…"

"Hop in already, let's go!" Pen honked the horn on the newly dispensed doom-buggy. Orange, of course, and curtousy of Thing's head. "Women and Children first. Need a hand, Clive?"

"Haha." He crossed his arms.

"I think you mean, TEEHEE!" Kahmelion slapped her knee at her own joke, and jumped in. "I got shotgun!"

* * *

"Pen! Kahmelion!"

"Link, booboo!" Pen hugged the warrior in green.

"I see you've brought your minions, too!" Link knelt and shook the plushies' hands. "Ah, so, are you projections, forgers, or the real deal?...And who're the stiffs?" He indicated Clive, Layton, and Luke.

"Friends of ours…also, we were about to ask the same thing…"

Phantom 'pooted' again.

"Well, we have our proof, let's see yours." Pen folded her arms. "I would launch into the cliché stream of questions, but any forger would know enough about their character."

Link drew his sword. Startled, Clive pushed Pen back and leaped in front of her with his lance. "You're going to attack us, then! Don't dare attack Pen and Kahmelion!"

Phantom and Thing facepalmed in unison. "Idiot."

Like looked disgusted. "What? No! I would never!" He pushed the lance out of his face, and held out his sword, point down to the ground. "Now, if you'd let me finish-" He grabbed the handle with both hands, and spun his weapon. Clive stood down and watched. The group waited for it to stop and hit the ground. It did not.

"Wow…just like in the original movie…" Kahmelion gestured.

"Do totems lie?" Link gestured as well to the sight. Pen hugged him again.

"Alright, let's go then!"

The Professor stepped up. "Excuse me, young man, but have you any idea where we're supposed to go next?"

"So, you were sent by R as well?"

"You know?"

"Yes. I was also contacted and brought into the dream. I'm asleep back at Zelda's Castle in the real Hyrule. I'll join you in level two."

"How do we get there?"

"Follow me." Link waved them down the hall.

* * *

"I figured if our 'bodies' are going to be here, they might as well be comfortable." Link welcomed them into the posh room. "Also, there's a window there so we can wake up quickly when we get back here."

"What does that mean? How's a window supposed to help?" Clive cocked an eyebrow.

"You jump out of it, die upon impact, and wake up in the real world."

"…Alright then."

"How now brown cow."

"I love that show!" Kahemlion said, hooking herself up to the new machine.

As our heroes went under, Link was the last to issue the syringe to himself. LINK HAS NOW JOINED YOUR TEAM~!

XD TO BE CONTINUED!

* * *

"Well, we've made it past level one, which…wasn't really that good. In fact, it was really kinda lame." Pen scratched the back of her head.

"Well, Mistress, you're writing this into the wee hours." Phantom stepped onscreen.

"Anyway, join us next time for part two of this however-many parts it takes are we there yet we'll get there when we get there Finale.

Brawl, Inception, and Junk

The Big Finale the MUSICAL

Part Two: nameless until I think of something catchy.

Stay tuned! And now, for a word from our cast!"

* * *

Layton: Hello, readers.

Clive: What readers?(rolls eyes)

Layton: Now, be nice, Clive, The PaperWyngz team is working hard on this fanfiction.

Clive: Anyway, Clive and Layton here. We're answering some of the fan questions and doing the dares you send into us. We may have to improvise some, though, because only ONE of you sent in anything.

Layton: (opens envelope) Yes, so thank you kindly to nazo-nin, for at least providing us with something to do in this time. She also sent us the lovely suggestion for the first musical number. Now, you didn't have a question, but you have…*sigh* dared me to sing "I'm a little teapot." Well, nazo-nin, I suppose I'll oblige.

The spotline shone on Layton, and Wasabi Ed(yeah, he keeps appearing a disappearing. We can't keep track of him) started playing.

Layton: …I'm a little teapot, short and stout.

Here is my handle, here is my spout(gets arms in that position)

When I get all steamed up, hear me shout, just tip me over and pour me out.

Clive: Cue fangirls squealing, INTELLIGENT fans facepalming, and all the rest of us laughing our heads off, taking snapshots, filming, and uploading to the internet.(clicks the camera button on his phone) Hm? A new text?"(checks) ...picture? Of WHAT!(opens)…oh God…that's disturbing…

Layton: What is it? (looks at the phone)…what in the bloody?

Clive: Oh gross…It's from some fangirl!

Layton: ? (looks on the internet) …Are these kids drugged! I demand an explanation!

Clive: Slash? (parody of a parody time)Oh, Slash is when you take two fictional characters that aren't involved romantically in any way, shape, or form, and turning them into an often gay couple making much vicious and gratuitous fanart of them for about six months. Or at least until you move onto some other show.

Layton: ha. Just think of it! Imagining two characters are in love?

Clive: yeah, it is pretty ridiculous(they laugh together)

Layton: hahaha. I love you, Clive.

Clive: Um…o…k. That's…good.

Layton: I mean it. I love you~!

Clive: …next question please.

Pen: Aw, you actually DID it, Prof? I didn't think you would even do ONE dare, but TWO!

Prof: A gentleman never backs down from a challenge, Miss Pen.(adjusts fedora)…this hat just isn't the same…

Pen: You're blowin' my mind, man.

Clive: I despise you both at the moment.

* * *

Please vote in your review on our next destination. This is where we'll go in Poof Chronicles 2

Smurfs

Generator Rex

Deltora Quest

Hero 108


	6. Chapter 6

Poof Chronicles 1

Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists Chapter 6

The Big Finale the Musical Part 2

Time for Highschoolers to Duel Adults in a Children's Card Game

* * *

"And that class is why most of you will most likely end up screwed up by 4kids when you finally get your own anime."

As the teacher finished his lecture on really some of the most important knowledge in broadcasting, Pen gathered her pencils and sketchebook. You know she has a short attention span, even when something really crucial's going on. Anyway, as she rounded into the hallway, she waved goodbye to her little schoolfriends-

"See ya, Maka, see ya, Death!"

"See ya, loser."

-she bounded merrily through the hallways and to her locker. Ah, how perfectly peaceful. Changing into her sneakers she skipped out of the building like the giddy schoolgirl she was. Little did she know, she was about to run into the very thing that would start this boring chapter already.

"OOF!...ow, my bottom…"Pen found herself indeed right on her tush, and she looked up to see the source of the big shadow that loomed over her.

"Watch where you're going, you-"

"Ok, I know you anime characters are allowed to swear, but I'm not so I'm going to censor you for the purpose of keeping this K+ and apologize sincerely, oh person who's name I do not now."

"That's it!" The towering oaf grabbed her by the collar and lifted her up, and Pen hung onto his fist to keep from 1-being choked be her own shirt and 2-to keep her shirt down and not expose her belly. "You funny-talking little nerd! I'm gonna mess you up so bad for no apparent reason-" Just as he raised his fist, a pair of dice shot out from absolutely nowhere.

"What the friggonometry?" Pen turned to the sound of Justin Timberlake's annoying song. You know the one, the only one anyone really knows by him when he WASN'T in the boy band. No, Wasabi Ed was nowhere to be found.

"Yo, like, don't be beatin' up on that nerd chick, brah." A familiar fellow with a black ponytail, green eyes, and many fangirls the world over stood but a few yards away, dice in hand and a smirk on his face.

"Oh no, it's a pretty boy! I'm suddenly frightened!" And so the thug ran off.

"I like thought I was going to have to challenge him to dungeon dice monsters…"

Pen dusted herself off, and straightened her fedora. "Hey, Duke. And for the last time, it IS just like Duel Monsters." The two walked along, leaving the spot where the thug had peed his pants and stained the ground.

* * *

"Alright…I know I'm forgetting something." Pen sipped her milkshake. "But I can't place what…"

"Yes, I like, totally have seen that hottie Kahmelion running around. Sha."

"Really? Thanks, Devlin." Phantom popped out of Thing's head, who was strapped to Pen's back like a cute character backpack. "Wait, you're really Duke!"

"Dude, like, my hips don't lie…Also, I have my loaded dungeon dice in case you need proof."

"Nah, that's cool, man." Pen shrugged. "Hey, where did you see Kahmelion anyway?"

"She was, like, with some other dudes, so I beat the crap out of them."

"…Did these dudes happen to have fedoras like me?...or a floppy green hat"

"Yah, and like, freaky elf ears. One dude had like, this puzzle with dice…he almost got me, but now they're like, over in the dumpster by WcDonald's."

"...wow…"

* * *

"Hey, thanks for giving us a ride, despite Dukes you're rival for Serenity or whatever, Tristan!"

"No problem! My voice gives me unconditional power to help friends!" The teenagers sneaked…snuck…whatever the past tense of the word "sneak" is, behind the building.

"Duke, that smells like something died, came back as a zombie, took a bath in garbage and spoiled dairy products, then died again and sat here rotting for days until the remains were finally crapped on by dogs…"

"How are you sure enough to be so specific?"

"Guys, help me up." Tristan and Duke each took a foot and lifted Pen so she could go dumpster-diving. CRASH. "…Ow…at least the garbage broke my fall." Pen took out her gloves and rooted through the rubbish, severely grossed out but severely determined. After a while of this, she rolled up her sleeve, reached in, and pulled out the biggest plum you ever saw.

"Layton!"

"Miss Pen," He said, spitting out a half-decayed burger wrapper, "You need to get better at picking your company." Pulling himself up out of the dumpser, he trailed Clive, Luke, and Link behind him. They were a raggedy, filthy bunch now. Shaking themselves of the junk and straightening their clothes and hats, they all exchanged glares with a certain young gentleman.

"Well, this wouldn't be the first time we've gotten into a deep mess because of you." Luke dusted off his trousers. "And who the heck is this guy?"

"Yo…I'm like, Duke Devlin. I'm like, sorry dude. I didn't know you were friends with Pen and Kahmelion."

"We kept shouting that at the tops of our lungs!" Clive insisted.

"I have absolutely no idea what's going on~!" Tristan chirped in, caused everyone to go into awkward silence. Pen once again adjusted her fedora.

"Alright, well, the good thing is we're all together. Now, before I get fed up with this uniform, we should find Kahmelion."

"Actually, Pen, I think you look good in pink."

"Link, that is the dummest thing to ever come out of your mouth."

"Besides, it's not really 'pink' so much as a…pale rose blush." Duke concurred, showing her the school uniform color pallete.

"Does that mean pink?…cuz, It's PANK." Phantom cut in from his place in Pen's arms.

"We're wasting time! Let's go!" Pen jumped on the back of Tristan's bike and they were off. The group ran behind, shouting and waving.

"PEN!" Clive cupped his hands around his mouth. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IN THE BLOODY HECK YOU'RE GOING!"

"NO I DON'T HAVE THE FOGGIEST!" She called over hershoulder

"Like, seriously? More limey kids? Sha right." Duke whined as he ran besides him.

"Young man," The Professor caught up with the two, "Do you have the foggiest idea where Miss Kahmelion went?"

"Sha. Just follow the sound of my theme music."

* * *

"You can't win this one, Kahmelion! I'm a main character too!"

"But you're also a comic relief character, buttmuch!" Kahmelion drew a card from her deck…which I have no idea how she found or how she even has the duel disk. "Ah! This should turn this duel around!" With a satisfied grin, and an obligatory over-dramatic anime posing sequence, she layed down the law. "I play the most powerful music-related spell card in my deck that I somehow got from somewhere!"

"NYEH!" Joey jabbed his finger at her. "You're bluffin', ya dumb broad!"

"Ok, you've called me that ten times in the past minute. You're dead. I activate the spell card, K-Pop microphone!"

"What the-"

"The spotlight calls all the music-related cards in my graveyard and my deck to the field, in attack mode!"

"Nyeh! You can't summon a bunch of monsters in one turn!"

"Looks like the rules just got screwed." She replied, putting on shades. "Now, SuJu, crush flame swordsman! 2PM! Attack his life points directly!"

"Ro-ku-GO! Ro-ku-GO! Ro-ku-GO! Mare mare!"

"No, Flame swordsman!" Joey's mouth hung open, and he turned his head to the uncoming attack.

"It's over, Wheeler! Now listen to THIS heartbeat!" And as Kahmelion did another over-dramatic pose, the life points clicked away to zero.

Joey hit the ground as his monster shattered, staring in downward-facing-dog(no pun intended for those of you who get the unintentional joke). "No…I was beaten!...I thought PEN was the only Mary-Sue on the team…your pop-culture references were too powerful!"

"Ah, suck it up, will ya?" Kahmelion noogied him while he was down. "It was just a card game…where's that engine sound coming from!...aw great, Wasabi Ed's back, too!"

A motorbike with two teenagers on it jumped a plywood ramp and flew through the air, landing and spinning out until it stopped, with Tristan's foot out to lean on.

"Ha. Ha. HAAAAAAAA!" The driver took off his helmet as he and his passenger dismounted.

"Pump it."

"Louder!" Phantom and Thing chimed in with their mistress.

"Pump it."

"Louder!"

"Pump it."

"LOUDER!"

The four joined in together. "Ya'll Ya'll

Turn up the RADIO! Blast the STEREO WIDE NOW!

This joint is fizzlin', it's sizzlin' riiiiiight."

"Ya'll check this out right here-" Pen pulled her fedora down. "Nobody be hatin' on us!"

"Dude better ease on up." Tristan agreed. "Nobody be hatin' on us-"

"Nyeh…what's up Dork?" Joey stared dumbfounded. Kahmelion Facepalmed.

"Are you crazy!"

"Yes, yes I am." Pen tipped her hat. "I just always wanted to bust in on a motorcycle and do that..."

"My voice gives me poor driving skills~!"

"So, Joey. You get your butt served to you on a silver platter by my friend here?"

And so then the rest of the group came in. "Yah, she sure did." Duke smirked at Kahmelion. She shot him a death glare in return.

"Sir, can you please cut the theme music?" Layton straightened his hat.

"What theme music?"

And so THEN the rest of Joey's team decided to make they're appearance.

"Joey! Joey!" Yugi ran to help up his friend. "What happened?"

"Oh, Pen's friend came and beat me in a duel."

"Pen's here?"

"Yep. And a bunch of otha losahs."

"Pen's here!" The rest of the group stared wide-eyed at him.

"I just said that."

"Oh…crap."

* * *

"So, you guys were sent in here by R too, huh?"

"Yeah, that's definitely what's we've been talking about during the time elapsed by the scene trasition." Yugi fingered his millennium puzzle. "So, we're going to the checkpoint together?"

"Yeah, we should probably get going." Pen got up, Joey's arm around her.

"Probably a good idea, boo."

"Wait, you guys are-!" Clive pointed at them.

"Yeah, we're going out…I think the last time was right before I had to get packed and travel to your world. Didn't I tell you?"

"No…and this fanfiction is becoming less and less about Professor Layton…"Clive facepalmed. "Stupid girls…"

"Anyway, ya'll let's head out."

"Can I please change out of this ridiculous pink school uniform?" Kahmelion sipped her Dr. Pepper…"Oh crap, I'll take the music coming from the weird green thing as a no."

CHUNK!

"Why the heck are the lights out!"

"Not again…"

"Yay! Musical number!"

CHUNK! The spotlight shown on Pen, in a Thinker pose. Wasabi Ed did his thang.

"I watched the abridged series, and laughed by tushy off

I had to write you into the finale.

They say fanfiction's stupid, and puts good shows in the crapper but I don't care,

Domino City, I've prepared for you." She said, taking her duel disk out of Thing's head. "You certainly are made an example, of stereotypical anime, with flashing lights and over-dramatic poses.

Like Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z.

No one's that interested until the laugh at the abridged series, and I admit that was the same case with me.

They said I would be a crappy duelist. They said I would sing the LOSER'S Blues.

So I always have my trump card in my pocket…

My official Mary-Sue liscence in my pocket, to do with as I choose…" After looking at the card, she tosses it into Thing's head in shuriken-fashion.

"Burn the bridge, Yugi bet your grandpa's store-"

"What?"

"Baby's backin' out no more, not for the life of me!"

"Break the lock, post my bail! Done my time, I'm outta jail." Clive joined in as the spotlights on him and Pen combined. "Not for the life of me-

Though I wish I was back sometimes, this girl is insane and the monsters and her evil ex dressed in black and red.

Though it seems I have nothing better to do these days then fight the un-dead!"

"Man, that guy's got a pretty good voice." Tea remarked, drooling.

Pen, Kahmelion, The Layton team, and the minions formed a kick line minus the kicking. "Clap you're hands, we're aware, that we are isn't where we were. Not for the life of me-

"BO DO DE-OH!" Nothing says Tristan like jazz-hands.

"Not for the life of, not for the life of, not for the life. Of. Me!" Pen turned the corner and the minor characters from season one joined in.

"Everything today is thouroughly card games!"

"Check your duel-ality"

"Even though they're over dramatic and go along kind of slow."

"Better face reality." Yugi shrugged.

"If you want insanity, check out Yugi's hair~!"

"Wait-what-!"

Pen pushed him aside. "In fact, it's mandatory to have the wackiest, craziest, most discolored hair~!"

"You know, Pen, you just rhymed 'hair' with 'hair.'" Clive appeared behind her.

"SHUT UP I'M THOROUGHLY MODERN!" She shook him by the shoulders. "have you seen the way they kiss in the crappier fanfics?"

"It's SOOOOO delectable!" The fangirls squealed. "Painting your face with guyliner and having an angry brow-"

"Now is apparently quite respectable." Pen shrugged. "Good bye, good common sense, if you're in this show you've thrown it out.

So beat the drums 'cuz we're so thoroughly CHILDREN'S CARD GAMES now~!"

Yugi drew some cards from his deck. "The fangirls thing Kuribo's quite adorable…"

Pen put an arm around his shoulders. "But its real abilities are lamely crappy and the craggedy feet are horrible.

You see the fact is-"

"Everything today is thoroughly card games."

"This music just got jazzier."

"Even though the games can get quite slow."

"The duel disks are even snazzier."

"Guys say it's criminal what May Valentine'll do." The fangirls shook their heads looking at the woman.

"What they're forgetting is this is a children's show…that'd just be-EW!" The regular fans chimed in.

Pen adjusted her fedora and jived. "Good bye, good common sense! I've long since thrown THAT out."

And both choruses joined in. "So beat the drums because we're so thoroughly CHILDREN'S CARD GAMES now~!"

* * *

"Honestly, these musical numbers are having less and less to do with the plot." Clive facepalmed as they had once again made a scene transition.

"Don't worry, Clive. One day you'll be as GOLDEN VOICED AS ME~!" Pen sang, and took a drink of her milkshake."...wait, we had a plot?"

"So, the checkpoint is somewhere in this mall?" Professor conversed with Yugi.

"Yeah, we're not sure where, though. R just clicked off of the TV when they told us the building."

"You don't know the location of your own checkpoint?" Link stared at him with the 'srzly' face.

"nnn-nope."

"Well, that sucks."

"Where do you suppose we look first, Professor?" Luke ate some food-court nachos.

"I suggest Barnes and Noble." Kahmelion raised her hand.

"Indubidably! Hot Topic as well!" Pen nodded enthusiastically.

"You guys just want to goof off, don't you?" Clive shot them a look. Phantom and Thing were already jumping up and down. Clive sighed. "Alright, I guess we should check the WHOLE building." And SHOOP! Off they went. He sighed again.

* * *

"I'minheavenI'minheavenI'minheaven…" Kahmelion rolled around in a pile of books. "Oh my gosh! They have it! They elevenbillionth book in the Percey Jackson series!"

"I question if it was a good idea to split up." Thing said, strapped to her back.

"Hey, I'm likely to make TONS of purchases of VERY heavy books here, so I need you. If Pen does anything wackey, she'll need Phantom so the po-po don't catch her.

"And I just wanted to stay here with this gorgeous babe."

"Go away, Dork Devlin."

"Kahmelion, Phantom isn't able to use his powers in the dream."

"…Whatevs."

* * *

Meanwhile.

"Alright, Miss Fandango. With the Sonic Quills hoodie, the GIR hoodie, the TMNT hoodie, the GIR keyring, the Graphic tees, and the Owl City wristbands, your total comes to-…Whoah…you may want me to reshelf some of this stuff for you…"

"It's ok, I've got a gift card."

"JUMP! JUMP, YOSHI, JUMP!"

"MY VOICE GIVES SAMUS SUPER-STRENGTH, FOO!"

Pen walked across the way to her companions. The manager was on the verge of kicking Joey and Tristan out of Gamestop as they got WAY too into the Brawl battle.

"'Sup, dorkmunches. Can I play winner?"

"Sure thing, babe." Joey punched her in the arm. "Ya can play me."

"Eyes on the screen, jerkdish!" Tristan-Sammus knocked Yoshi right off the screen, and that was the last life. "My Voice gives me the power to win!"

"What! That sucks! You're kiddin' me!"

"Ah, don't be such a sore loser, hun." Pen took up the Wii remote. "Alright, Tristan, it's idiot vs. idiot! Let's go!" She selected Kirby of all people from the menu and the game was on.

"Hey, mistress, do you really think it was such a good idea to split up?"

"Ya'll quit worryin'."

"And shouldn't we be covering more ground? Wasn't that the point of splitting up in the first place?"

"I said ya'll quit worryin'!"

Joey put his hands in his pockets. "Is it weird that I have a heavy Brooklyn accent and you have a hint of a southern accent?"

"Ya'll quit worryin'!"

"We'll be quiet!" They hugged each other in cower.

* * *

Professor Layton and Luke rounded the corner out of the store and met up with Link and Clive, who'd been in the one right across from them. After a quick sniff around the fountain, and they sank down onto the bench.

"It's been hours, we've scoured the whole mall, and still not a trace." The Professor adjusted his fedora, and the rest of the boys did the same.

"Also, the projections are starting to look at us funny." Link instinctively reached for his sword, but thought better of it. Besides, he was still wearing the annoying school uniform. His sword was in Thing's head.

Clive sighed. "I wish the others would stop goofing around and shopping. The only thing they've looked for is the latest Phoenix Write, or some haut designer something or other."

"Pen's even more childish than me." Luke crossed his arms behind his head. It was quiet, and even a little edgy. Some of the projections kept shooting them dirty looks.

After a few minutes, The Professor heard a rustle from the plant box on the floor above them. Turning towards the noise directed the attention of the rest of his small party of four. There was a shadow in the box. It seemed to realize it had been spotted, and the figure leaped out and broke out in a run.

"Over there!" The Professor ran right to the escalator, and the crew broke out in a run after him. "You! There!" Running up, they made it in half the time. Almost skidding out rounding turns, they chased the figure.

"Boy! You, with the striped shirt and the hood up!"

"Look, you KNOW we're talking to YOU!"

"Slow down!" panting, Luke lost step for a while, but quickly caught up.

They flew through the mall, past all the hustling projections, over benches and displays and sunglasses stands, shoes hitting tile floor hard. The white-haired boy kept on, running like there was no tomorrow. Rounding another corner, he shot up the stairs. The Layton crew plus Link tried the same escalator trick, but this time they mistakenly chose the down escalator. Panting, struggling and finally getting themselves back, they rounded the corner,

And found the strange boy to be NOWHERE to be found.

Panting, the Professor adjusted himself. "My word…that lad must have thighs….like tree trunks…"

"He…he's the fastest kid alive…" Clive agreed. Link helped Luke up, who had dropped to the floor in exhaustion. The group looked around for any telltale signs as to where he might have gone, but found none.

"We have to go find the others!" The Professor turned to face Link. "They'll most likely be right where we left them."

"If there's another non-projection here, and obviously not an ally, there's no time to lose!" Link agreed, and the group made there way, running back down when they were already exhausted. Using the breath they didn't have, they made haste to alert the teenagers.

* * *

"Hm…let's see…OH! They have it!" Kahmelion, finally done with her 'searching,' made her way to the cash register.

"Ok, your total comes to…whoah… you may want me to reshelf some of these for you."

"It's ok, I have a gift card." Déjà vu.

Once she was finished paying, she tossed them in Thing's head and started to make her way out-

"Oh, shiznit, I left my phone in the store."

As she picked up her cell from the side table, she distinctly heard a thud from the shelf nearest her. On the floor, there was a newly fallen book.

"Oh, really, now! Book haters!" She flipped, going to save the precious text. Did we mention Kahmelion is totally sensitive about books? Only two ways to get to her-touching her(especially in the side) and messing with books…I probably shouldn't have said that, because now she's going to kill me. Ah well, back to the story.

Thing followed close behind. As Kahmelion picked up the book, she came face-to-face with…shoes….that were attatched to FEET…that were attatched to a DUDE.

"Neah!" She did an over-dramatic anime pose. "Oh…hello, creepy person…"

The boy, looking not much older than herself, didn't speak. He only smirked, and snatched Thing right up off the ground before taking off.

"HEY! HEY YOU, BUTTMUNCH!" Kahemelion took up the chase, running right after him as they duck and leaped through the mall. "MY BOOKS AND DR. PEPPER ARE IN THERE!"

"GET BACK HERE! THIS IS TOTALLY NOT HOT!" Duke also gave chase to the perp.

"My heroes…" Thing crossed his arms and rolled his button eyes as the white-haired teenager whisked him away.

* * *

"Watch this boo, I'm endin' this junkfest." Pen had kicked Tristan's but, and was now up against Yugi. So far, Kirby was also kicking but, but then, in a split second:

"WINNER: SHEIK."

Pen's jaw dropped. Joey put a hand on her shoulder. "Looks like the junkfest just gotta new member, toots." Pen turned her head, expecting to see Yugi celebrating. Instead, she came face to face with YAMI smirking.

"…What the-! Yugi! You sunovaglitch! What the crap, pharoh!"

They quickly changed back. "Oh, well, guess I can't help it." Wink.

Phantom leaned against the open door. "Well, mistress just got pwnd. I never thought I'd see the day-OHMIGAWD! YIPE!"

"PHANTOM!" Pen leaped out of the store just in time to see a Limey kid taking off with her minions.

"Somebody's touching us in a place or in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable!" Phantom and Thing shouted back after the group. "But we can't say no and get out of here and tell someone we trust like a parent, teacher, or local police officer!"

"CRAP!" Pen and the boys chased after the figure turning the corner. "I hate running, but I'LL SAVE YOU MARY-JANE!"

"I LIKE PUDDING!"

"YOU'RE GIVING ME THE RAGE OF THE BROOKLYN, THEIF!"

The group rounded the corner and almost ran into Kahmelion and Duke, who were also chasing the bandido.

"Kahmelion! Duke!" Pen straightened her course. "What's going on!"

"Pen, Like, that uncool pale dude just like, minion-napped Thing!"

"Really? He just snatched up Phantom, too!" Joey ran right next to them.

Team Layton-and Link-rounded the corner as the teens ran by.

"Hey, Proff! Going to deliver a can of buttwhoopin' to this jerkdish, kthnxbye!" Pen waved as she passed.

"Hey, you may wanna come along. I see a catfight in the near future." Duke ran by alongside Kahmelion, who promptly punched him in the side.

"What on earth?" Clive stared at the parading wierdos, just as a bottle flew just inches by his head. "BLOODY HECK!"

The group turned around and saw the angry mob of projections coming for them. Link, grabbing a sword from the comic shop display got a few of them deterred, but still more came as they were struck down. They just decided to screw it and ran after the rest of their team.

It took half an hour of straight-out running. Running up countless flights of stairs starting from floor one. FYI, it's a 10-story mall and the escalators decided at THAT moment to stop working, and the bandido had popped into the ONLY elevator.

* * *

"NEYH!" BLAM! The door burst open and the pile of people spilled out. What do you know? Joey finally bested the mighty door.

Panting, pulling herself out from the bottom of the pile-up, Pen rolled over on her back. "I….flibbin'…HATE…running….running…is…EVIL."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" A distorted voice rang out over the rooftop.

"Ah, pipe down!" Kahmelion was flopped right next to Pen. "Can't you see we're beat!"

"Nyeah…un momento, joik."

"Um…don't you want you're minions back?"

"WHERE ARE THEY!" Pen sprang up, forgetting her fatigue and pointing dramatically at the source of the voice….standing on the other side of the building was a figure draped in a dark purple cloak. SPOOOOOOky.

"HAHAHAHA!" DING! As the person in question was laughing his head off, the bandido stepped out of the elevator, a minion under each arm.

"Now, with the help of my mysterious assistant-"

"That's Bakura in a hood!" Yugi called from the sidelines.

"It's BAKURA IN A HOOD!" Bakura tossed off the headgear and held up the minions by the scruffs, tied them up with rope from out of Thing's own head, then dangled them by that rope and held a lighter not two inches from their faces.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING!" Pen herself did an overly-dramatic anime pose.

"Look, Pen," The Britt said in a gruff voice, "Unless you want these two reduced to ash, I suggest you comply with our demands."

"And what's that, jerkdish? Command to whoop your BUTTS?"

"No." Marik tossed off his robe. "Ladies and gentlemen, it's MELVIN, baby!"

"Not this guy!" Yugi facepalmed.

"What are your effing demands, dorkmunch!"

"I challenge you to a children's card game."

"M'kay."

"A SHADOW children's card game!"

"M'kay."

"Wait, what! You're honestly not phased you could lose your soul in this?"

"Not really. Now what are the stakes we're playin' for?" She said, one hand on her hip, the other one she held up so her duel disk could unfold.

"Uh…wow…most people aren't this straightforward…Um…ok, then, well, I win, then you-you know, seriously, you really aren't scared?"

"Ah, shut it, Marik. Or should I call you boo-boo? What about 'binkey boy?'"

"SHUT UP, PEN! Only I can ridicule people with that name!"

* * *

"Uh…is there another thing we haven't been filled in on?" Clive scratched his hair and put his fedora back on.

"Oh, before Pen dated Joey, she went on a date with Bakura, before that was her trip to Egypt where she met Marik, and they had their fling, and before that she went out briefly with me."

"Wwwwwwhat?"He cocked an eyebrow, and the rest of the spectators cracked out the popcorn and sodas.

"Ok, so when she and Reala were splitsville, she was hangin around with Sonic, whowas hangin' out with all us brawl characters. Sonic introduced her to Zelda, who introduced her to me. We stopped dating after a week or two, and we're still pretty good friends, then I introduced her to my cousin-"

"Wheeler's your COUSIN!"

"Yes, soap opera man, ain't it obvious?" The two blondies posed together.

"Anyway," Link continued, "They weren't dating yet, so Joey introduced her to Bakura, and they only went on like, 3 dates before it just really wasn't working out like that, so they stopped dating. We all still get together for video games and ice cream day. Anyway, so then she went to Egypt for a while on an artistic inspiration trip, where she met Marik. They had more of a fling. Marik would take her around on the motorcycle, they'd have some really good times. They dated for about a five weeks, but then the fun was over when Pen had to go back home. She dumped him partially because she didn't want a long-distance relationship, and partially because it REALLY wasn't working out, you know with the whole psycho thing. Then, she poofed her merry butt to Japan, and met up with Joey. They're currently dating."

"And Reala was before ALL this?"

"Yep."

"…wow…Way to hold a grudge…this crappy fanfic just turned into a crappy soap-opera and I learned more than I ever cared to about Pen's messed-up love life."

"You asked. By the way, what REALLY set the powder-keg off with her and Marik was that she saw him shortly after with BAKURA." Link slapped his knees.

"And now my ears are bleeding."

* * *

"Alright, dork, it's time to duel!" Marik finally got fed-up and drew out his duel disk.

"I couldn't agree more…yay, musik!"

"What!" Marik looked over his shoulder and found a familiar little green-red-and-black beast using his bunny ears as helicopters. "Ah, perfect." Marik struck his pose.

"Three musical numbers in this friggin' chapter?" Clive facepalmed.

"GO GET 'IM, BABY!" Joey called from his spot on the sidelines.

"Wow…this is going to be super-special awesome." Yugi munched his popcorn.

"Wait, so like, that's not a chick?"

"If you want to fight me-"

"Oh, I love that movie!" Pen jumped up and down giddily and flapped her wrists.

"Ha! You're not the brightest!"

"You won't know what hit you in the slightest!" Pen retorted, posing and playing her first monsters. "I summon Billy Shakespear, Harry Potter, and Hello Kitty in attack mode!"

"And I summon Mega Ultra Chicken! Me and my fire balls, my dark magician chick!"

"Hey, that's my card!" Yugi called indignantly. "My pretty magician girl!"

"I am talking the talk 'cuz you know I'm slick!"

"Yeah," Pen scratched her nose. "s-l-ICK!"

"Fireballs, Mega Ultra Chicken! Take this Nerd down! Let's show Fandango what we're all about!"

"That doesn't rhyme, you know." Bakura crossed his arms.

Pen staggered as her monsters' life points were significantly lowered. "Ok, I've got to win this or…suffer some stakes that you haven't answered me on."

"Oh, if I win you have to come with me and Bakura we need you to carry out our plans for our dark associate."

"What would that be?"

"Kidnapping his bride-to-be."

"…Srzly?...ok, fair enough. At least you didn't make it the obvious option of going out with you again." Pen drew some cards from her deck. "What happens if I win?"

"If you win, which you won't, you all walk away with your lives and I'll stop being awkward and answer your invitations to video games and ice cream every weekend."

"Radical, dude. Would it really be so hard?"

"Seriously, would it?" Bakura gestured, waving the lighter dangerously close to the cowering minions. "Pen's pretty cool for a bat-crazy Mary-sue."

"SHUT UP!" Marik glared. "Make your move, Pen."

"Alright…I play the spell card, Star-Crossed lovers! This special-summons Romeo and Juliet to the field, and increases Billy's attack and defense by ten-fold! By sacrificing them to the graveyard, the conclusion of their story ends all tension between their families and makes the tragic play a cash cow, also increasing Shakespear's attack and defense. Now, Billy, attack Dark Magician Girl!"

"Foolish fool! You activated my trap card, Reflecting Mirror!"

"You know how rendundant that name is, right?"

"I said shut up, Bakura! Anyway, that reflects your oh-so-powerful attack back atcha, as well as the effect of your spell card!"

"But that means that-!"

"Yes, all literary cards in your deck and on the field are now destroyed!" And with a killer light show as they shattered, so they were.

"No! Grover Underwood! Inu-Yasha!(manga version)! Frankenstein! Dracula! Etcetera other! Grr…." Staring dramatically, Pen looked at the remaining cards in her hand. "Internal monologue!...I only have my dated internet pop-culture reference cards left…wait! I can still do this…I just have to remember everything before Kahmelion put me through fangirl rehab…Ok, Marik! Here it comes! I play to the field, Internet Troll-"

"OMG! THIS IS SO LAME! YU SUCK!"

"Kuribo!"

"Also my card." Yugi displayed his epic pouting maneuver.

"Do the Lalalalala~!"

"and Kesha!"

"Your love, your love, your love is my drug!"

"And lay two cards face down, and end my turn."

"Foolish fool! Dark Magician Girl, attack her Internet Troll!"

"You just activated Internet Troll's special ability, dilweed." Internet Troll leaped forward without thinking and caught fire. You could call it flaming. "Troll, attack Dark Magician Girl!"

"OMG! DMG'S DO HAWT! WE TOTALLY MAKE OUT ALL THE TYM!"

Being so grossed out, she didn't even stand a chance. We feel genuinely sorry for her.

"How can you do all this!" Marik shouted. "You're breaking tons of rules!"

"Screw the rules, Marik, I'm a certified mary-sue!" Pen crossed her arms. "Maybe next time you THINK before ya'll go all gangstah on my minions and homies?"

"Please don't bring Jaden into this." Yugi once again interjected from the sidelines.

"Alright, then, Ultra-Mega Chicken, attack her life points directly!"

"Also not so fast!" the other card rose slowly and dramatically too. "My spell card, rule 63 Gun!" When equipped to Internet Troll, it can change the gender of all cards on the field. Hello Kitty is now Harold Kitty, Kuribo is…a female Kuribo, and Internet Troll is RABID FANGIRL!"

"No! Now I have to refer to it as Ultra-Mega HEN to do anything! What the –wait…what about Ke$sha?"

"Oh, she's in defense mode. It doesn't effect cards in defense."

"YOU SUCK! You daughter of a-"

"Now now, this is a K+ fanfic."

"This is also a YUGIOHABRIDGEDREALATEDDREAM you ninny!" Marik looked at his hand.

"Now, my turn, and I send Rabid Fangirl, female Kuriboh, and Harold Kitty to the graveyard to make Kesha and this new card I dug up and put in face-down position ten times as powerful. And now I end my turn with a classic 'I know something you don't know' smirk."

* * *

"You guys realize Marki hasn't just killed Pen yet? No ultra-mega chicken attack, it's like he's not even trying in this duel. He hasn't played any other cards besides Dark Magician Girl, Reflecting Mirror, and Ultra-mega. In our series, Pen would be dead now, and that would be censored out of the screentime by 4Kids." Yugi griped.

"Yah, dude, and this duel is going, like, a lot faster than usual." Duke concurred.

"Maybe we should tell Pen not to be so upbeat. Peppy mary-sue forced enthusiasm..."

* * *

"Alright, I have a cheeky grin which means I'm very sure of this next card!" Marik put the monster on his disk. "I summon to the field a monster that even you can't face. You'll never be able to defeat it!"

"Orly? What is it?"

"YOUR MINIONS!"

"HOLY SHAZ!"

Bakura shrugged, capped the lighter and tossed the two into the ring. "Terribly sorry, but he's paying me ten bucks."

"It's cool, homie."

Marik laughed. "It seems now you have a choice. You can either attack these two, TRY and take a blow at my life points, or explode if you so much as TRY and scratch Ultra-Mega Hen!"

"You underhanded son of a toot." She shot him the 'srzly?' face.

"Yes, so I am…I see your clearly giving into my underhanded tactic, so PHANTOM! THING! Attack Pen's life points directly!"

Pen's eyes widened as the plushies went totally ninja on her. Thing was slashing a sword left and right, and Phantom had boxing gloves! "Guys! NO!"

"We're sorry, mistress! He's being an evil deuce, we have to obey him!" The attack went on. It was very dramatic and a huge tear-jerker. I dare not today say what it felt like to a: be attacked by my own plushie minions, b: be attaced by friggin' PLUSHIES, and c: falling into an over-used dramatic plot twist. I also couldn't say what was more embarrassing.

"It's ok…minions…I…forgive, you…" As her life points clicked down dangerously near zero, she hit the ground, near-fainted. Somehow terribly injured in a DREAM about a CHILDREN'S CARD GAME where flibbin' NON-TANGIBLE HOLOGRAMS are used to represent monsters. Marik laughed evily and uproariously.

"You're finished, dork! Ultra-Mega Hen, attack this pathetic excuse for a fan."

"SQWAAAAAAK!"

"Any last words, 'heart-breaker?'"

* * *

Kahmelion turned to the audience. "You know, I'm usually just watching it all go down and not really caring or paying that much attention to Pen's 'battles,' and this duel made less and less sense by the minute, but as an awesome ball of fire hurtled right towards my friend, I wondered what would become of it.

Would this be our last adventure? Would I have no one to force me into art trades and keep me busy? Would I never again swim in the backyard pool and sip some Dr. Pepper while we just enjoyed life? Sure, Pen is Bat crazy, but we have a relationship as friends. It's not like I don't care about HER, just not some of the crap she does. Would this be the last question I ever asked?...When would the reunion special come to ? Would she be dead, or just severely injured?

Then, as Marik laughed, I noticed a smirk on my friend's face. That's when I remembered….

She's a main character of this show, there's going to be a twist that'll save her life."

* * *

"TWO LAMMAS IN A TINY CAR!"

"What!"

The fireball hit, but she did not burn. The smoke just wafted off, and she smiled the signature doofy smile as they stared in awe.

Tristan called from the sidelines. "How can that be possible! It's like something converted that ball of fiery hate and bitter sadness into love and happy joyfulness!"

Pen reached back into her hair and behind her neck, loosening the slip, and pulled over her head-

"Hey, is that one of those nail and wire cross necklaces that are so popular nowadays?" Bakura leaned on Marik's shoulder nonchalantly.

The YuGiOh and Layton teams stood up, and rushed to Pen. Yugi examined the necklace. "How is that possible! You should be a lifeless shell by now!"

"I'm impervious to the power of the God cards because I don't BELIEVE in the Egyptian Gods. I'm a CHRISTIAN, foo!"

"BOB-OOOOOOMB!" Phantom and Thing fistbumped.

"What!" Marik did a double-take. "This is impossible! How can this be!"

"Open your eyes, and maybe you'll see! Ke$ha, attack Ultra Mega Hen!"

"DON'T STOP, MAKE IT POP! DJ BLOW MY SPEAKER'S UP TONIGHT!"

"NO!" Marik cried out angrily and Ultra-Mega shattered to itty-bitties. "How is this happening?"

Bakura cocked his eyebrows. "Well, she is a mary-sue in addition to being a main character."

"Shut up, binkey boy!"

"Now!" Pen activated her face-down card. "Dr. Octagomopus! Attack Marik's life points directly!"

"IMMA FIRIN" MAH LAZAR! BAAAAAAH!"

"NO! I'm almost dead!"

"And that activates my spell card-"

"Wait, you put another card down against the rules!"

"CARAMELLDANSEN!"

"NO! IT'S EVEN MORE ANNOYING THAN KE$HA! MUST…DANCE….LIKE….MORON!" As Marik got his groove on, he clicked away to zero, and the duel was over with dramatic explosions. Team Layton, The Duelers, Team PaperWyngz, and Link cheered from the sidelines.

"Did you kill him?" Bakura walked over to the fainted body and poked him with a stick.

"Nah, man." Pen crossed her arms like a gangstah. "He'll wake up in the morning feelin' like P-Diddy."

* * *

"Well, Pen," Kahmelion sipped on some Dr. Pepper. "You defeated pure evil in a children's card game, humiliating him, and once again resorting to violence resulting in an unconscious dude.….bum bum bum…bu-bum bum bum bu-bum."

Pen joined her. "Bum bum bum. Bu-bum bum bum bu-bum!

And another one's gone, and another one's gone, another one bites the dust!

Hey, it's gonna get you too, another one bites the dust!"

The group circled around the body-giving it a sizable girth- and watched as Pen walked right up to the guy. Pen reached out her hand to him.

"Hm?"

"Come on, man, get up. I know I didn't mash your potatoes too hard, it's just a card game."

Taking her hand, Marik did get up, and he looked at the ground. "So…uh…guess you won…congratulations."

"Thanks." She crossed her arms and tapped her foot. That WASN'T the end of it. "Well?"

"Ok…" he sighed. "Maybe I should just suck it up and not be so awkward."

"There, was that so hard?" Bakura untied the minions, who ran to their mistress. "It'll be fun."

Pen smiled and straightened her fedora. 'There, now, that's a lot better than Reala EVER did. You can be cool sometimes for a psycho. Now, let's hug it out."

"You're going to give me a hug?"

"Sure, man!"

"PEN, DON'T" Yugi yelled, but it fell on deaf ears. The millennium rod's blade was now in Pen's back.

She paused. She looked at the rod, she looked at the smirk on Marik's face. Gathering her thoughts, she turned to her team, and with a completely straight face said:

"…I am slain…" And then vanished.

Clive, Luke, Layton, Link, and Kahmelion drew their weapons, and the others got out their duel disks. It was an uproar.

"What'd ya do that for ducebag!" Joey punched Marik right in the face.

"And how POINTLESS was that!" Kahmelion shouted, slicing him across the belly with her sword while Joey and Link forced Bakura to the ground and held him there. "If you killed Pen, she'd just wake up! NOW what use is she to you!"

"Look!" He said, coughing up some blood. "It's nothing personal! She's not the only victem here!"

"What do you mean by THAT!" She shouted, kicking him in the face. This is probably the most graphic scene I've put in this fic.

Suddenly, Ishizu stormed onto the roof. "STOP! If you do away with him, then he'll be in the same place as your friend!"

A cricket chirped. All eyes were on her. People had feet reared to kick and fists reared to punch. It was a full-on riot with the DVD player paused.

"You're on a second level! If you die here, you go to LIMBO!"

Kahmelion, from where she had a fist raised to go all gangsta on Marik's face, got a look of dawning. "Oh yeah! I remember that! She's stuck in limbo now!"

"What? That doesn't make any sense!" Bakura called from where he was tied down. "Marik, you lied!"

"No duh!"

"But seriously, why wouln't she just wake up in the first level like she would wake up if she died on that level?"

"Because SHUT UP!" And Ishizu ran back into the building.

"Does this mean we have to go in after her?" link called over to the Professor from where he had Bakura pinned down.

"I should say so! We have to save her in any case, and this really jeapordizes the mission with R." He replied.

Marik looked up. "Wait, what? R? That's the one who-" POP! And Kahmelion punched him.

"Come on, guys, we have to go in after her." She said. "Anyone queesey about this?"

"it's unsavory, but I'm not staying in THIS level." Clive got his weapon. "Are we jumping or what?"

"I have 4Kids' invisible guns." Bakura offered.

"Ok, nothing violent! This is still a K+ rating." Kahmelion gathered her thoughts. "Well, not all of us can be there. We need to keep the cast size manageable."

The Professor adjusted his fedora. "I believe Myself, Luke, Clive, and You should go regardless. Link, she's your friend. Joey, seems only fair if you're dating her and Link's your cousin…still not sure how that works interdemensionally, and the Minions DEFINITELY need to go regardless. By the way… Bakura, Marik-"

"What?" They responded in unison.

"I'm going to give YOU the chance to redeem yourselves. You also have some serious explanations due."

"Sir, we've done worse, and-" Marik looked up at Kahmelion's fist…and even moreso her FACE. "…Ok, we'll do what we can." And so they jumped.

* * *

The waves crashed. Bakura hauled himself up, and shook himself off, also giving Marik a hand. The others slowly got out of the surf. They'd reached some distant place at the bottom of subconscious. The beach ahead of them gave way to forest, and mountains floated in the night sky. You could see odd structures everywhere.

Kahmelion got out of the surf, assisted by the Progessor. accepted. She was happy to be in her regular clothes now, in any case. All was quiet.

The minions shook themselves off and pulled Joey and Clive's forms, face-down, out of the surf.

As Link and Luke also got to the shore, they searched the beach. Pen was nowhere to be found. The heroes, following tell-tale size-ten footprints in the sand and then through the forest.

The tracks stopped at a stone fountain, surrouned by stone-framed, ornate wooden doors, each with a crest.

"Welcome to your, imagination land!" A fruitcake of a minstrel, lute and all jumped through the trees. "I am your imagination man~!"

BUM BUM BUM, TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 3!

* * *

Next time, on Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists

Big Finale the MUSICAL:

Our heroes, on the verge of the third level, have been sent to LIMBO!

-gasp- Ohnoez!

"Miss Kahmelion, I think that this is what R was talking about!"

"What, Professor?"

"The forced bride the villains are talking about must be the person that R said they cared about!"

"It does make sense…wait, I think I thought of something!"

Will they stop the wedding? Is there more to this soap opera than they realize?

When did it stop being random and start being just lazy and crappy?

Why am I asking YOU all this?

Tune in next time on The Big Finale the MUSICAL.

* * *

"For the last time, J-dog, I refuse to duel you." Pen crossed her arms.

"So, I win by default!" Jaden already got his duel disk out.

"Curse my inability to walk away from a challenge…alright you're on." She got her disk out.

"Time to spit some rhymes!"

"Yugi warned me about this." She facepalmed. Wasabi-Ed turned up the jams.

"A'ight listen up,

hey Pen, I heard 'bout chu, goin' around the multiverse

I gotta say, that's pretty tight man, but your mary-sue factor couldn't be worse.

So you win every fight, it all works out for you,

But If I saw a bat-crazy girl like you, I wouldn't know what to do

Either!

Your plans make so sense, girl how do they even work?

You must be desperate or something, two of your boyfriends were total jerks!

You never think things through, and please don't playa hate,

On me for dis, but you're so fugly, how'd ya get so many dates?"

"Oh, so you think you're some big shiz, huh? You don't know who you're dealing with."

"Lay down the law, mistress!" Phantom called from the sidelines.

"Ha." Jaden put his hands on his hips. "I'd like to see her try."

Pen smirked. "check this out right here.

Ya'll, your show is just a profit-mining spin off,

The only thing people draw about it you guys with your tops off.

It's really dry.

There's so plot, only flashing lights and drama

And it's so repetive.

Oh MY!

The only thing lamer is that thing with the llama

Just makes me rather take a sedative.

Well Jaden, ya'll shouldn't talk about us mary-sues.

Just look in the mirror, you'll find a big marty-stue!

A winged kuribo? It's adorable but a rip-off.

Maybe the internet trolls have a right to go-off

On this crapfest, this boring spawn

And you guys really should mow your school lawn.

J-dog you got nothing, I'm kickin' your butt.

I know this next part doesn't rhyme, but you're really out of your luck.

Even my Candlejack card wouldn't take you away, so don't talk to me about a date.

In a minute you'll have to change from J-dog, to Jaden the Late."

"A'ight, ya minions are sissy,

your cards are dated and annoying

listen here little missy,

you really shouldn't be toying

with all this,

this flawless

awesomeness

lawless

and how can you be shameless

goin' 'round doin' crappy stories for the internet

You gotta be the saddest, most selfish, self-centered brat I ever met."

"…That's it. I play Scott pilgrim, Kim Pine, and Stephen Stills to the field with the spell card Threshold."

And so a lesson was learned. Rock will always beat rap regardless…dawg.

"Word, mistress." Phantom said, poking Jaden's unconscious form with a stick.

Clive walked onscreen waving the team PaperWyngz pennant. "Ya…go, us.

Special thanks to KeepSmilingOn for the Thoroughly Modern Millie idea."


	7. Chapter 7

Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists

Chapter 7

The Big Finale the MUSICAL

Part 3: No Animals, Vegetables, or Minerals were Harmed in the Making of this Chapter.

* * *

"Lalalala-WHOOP!" Splat. And so the imagination man tripped and fell right into a pile of spaghetti. Eyes turned to Kahmelion.

"What? It's limbo, we can imagine stuff…also that guy was making me laugh to hard."

"Well, that should come in handy a lot during this chapter, but let's only use it this once and disregard the ability to do absolutely anything for the rest of the chapter." Clive sat on the edge of the fountain.

:D

The team looked around them. The doors loomed around them in the circle. There was some sort of crest at the top of each arch.

"Hey, look Fluffy! It's shiny!"

"Marik, remember our talk." Bakura walked up to one of the doors. Joey in the meanwhile was trying to kick another one of the doors down.

"Uh, Joey? You try the actual doorknob?" Kahmelion got another Dr. Pepper out of Thing's head.

"We need to think of a plan…" The Professor took up his usual thinking pose. "Miss Kahmelion, how big is Limbo?"

"Huge."

"Well then, there's no time to lose." The Professor assessed the situation. "Ok, we should split up."

"Don't you remember the last time we split up, Layton?" Clive crossed his arms. "It was only ten minutes ago."

"Yes, but this is even more ground to cover. We may not know what could appear, but we're not going to get much done if we're just one group."

Kahmelion got everyone's weapons out of Thing's head and passed them around. "Puzzle Lance, Riddle Rapier, Dagger, Ninja sword for me, Joey, you can have this baguette and some oranges, and I think we're good."

"Don't we get anything?" Link gestured to himself, Marik, and Bakura.

"You have a sword, he has a hidden shank, and the limey one has effing ancient Egyptian lazer beams!"

"Ok then."

"Question!" Joey raised his hand. "Why is my weapon a flippin' piece o' bread!"

"Joey, you got the most powerful weapon of all. Especially the oranges."

"How? How are produce gonna help me defend myself!"

"Shut up, and just go with it." Kahmelion downed her can of Dr. Pepper. "Alright, Professor. What's the split-up plan?"

"Do we get a montage like in Scooby Doo, too!"

"No, Luke."

"Aw…"

"anyway-" The Professor continued. "There are 5 doors here."

"Each leading to a different place 'round these here parts." Kahmelion remarked.

"And there are ten of us. Kahmelion, Thing, you're on team 1. Clive and Phantom, team 2. Myself and Luke are team 3, Link and Joey are team 4, and Marik and Bakura are team 5. Everyone pick a door, we'll meet back here when we're done searching. Any questions?"

…

"Team 2 rules!"

"Can I trade places with Kahmelion?" Clive pointed at the midget he was settled with.

"No." Any so they all went to their respective places. Embarking though each door, they set of to search for their missing crazy person…all except…for Melvin and Florence.

"You actually going to search for Pen?"

"No." Marik rolled his eyes. "I can't believe they trusted us on our own! Come on Fluffy, we have crap to do!" Marik put two fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly.

There was a thud.

Then a louder thud.

Then the ground shook.

Then a squack.

"CHICKENS!" Bakura fell backwards on his bum. "Bloody heck, Marik, what's with the giant effing chickens?"

"Mr. Tweetums got bigger. Come on, we have to report back." Marik climbed up and helped his evil partner mount as well. "Hi ho, Tweetums!"

"SKWAAAAAAACK!" And off they went.

* * *

Pen woke up, the fog around her almost as thick as the fog in her head.

" Si desea hacer una llamada, por favor, cuelgue y vuelva a intentarlo..." She looked around herself. "Why's the sky on the ground?" After another few minutes of assessing the blood rushing to her head, she came to a simple conclusion: she was very happy she was back in her regular blue jeans.

"How'd I get upside down? Where am I? Why am I talking to myself!" Pen wiggled around and tried to get upright, but to no avail. Her anles were tied fast to the tree branch, and she was no gymnast. She tried swinging herself up, and almost got it, but still couldn't hang on. After about half a million times, she finally managed to grab hold of a loose end of rope-

"HAHA! Gotcha!"

-and her weight hanging on it pulled it out and the knot was undone, and she went tumbling down.

"WHO THE EFF TIES THEIR HOSTAGES UP WITH A SLIPNOOOOOOOO-OW! OOF! OUCH! CRAP! DANGGIT!" Hitting every branch in the worst way all the way down, she finally landed with a wet, muddy SPLAT at the bottom, face-down in the mud.

"That's gonna leave a mark in the morning." Picking herself up, she donned her fedora, which had falled out of the tree previously, and not suffered NEARLY as many injuries. Wiping some of the muck off of her plaid over shirt, she trudged through the murky mire and black, dead trees. Did she know where she was going? Heck no. She just wanted to get out of that dark, smelly place.

Pen's ears perked up…she thought she heard a grumble. There was a sound of something slithering through the mud, and then swimming through the bog. Rearing it's ugly head back, standing up, teeth snarling, an vicious, bloodthirsty crocodile rose from, the water and-

"Acutally, dear readers, I'm technically an Alligator mississippienus." He said, adjusting him monocle, and roared right in Pen's face, perhaps permanently back.

"…dude, you have some serious dragon breath." She reached in her pocket, thankfully the contents of which hadn't been touched by the mud. "Gum?"

"Why, thank you, miss."

"NOW DIE!" Pen reached behind her and pulled a big fallen branch from the muck. "I have a STICK!"

* * *

"Alright, Thing, status report."

Thing, covered in straps loaded with grenades. He got back to back with Kahmelion, black band tied around his head and guns cocked like a little commando…aw, isn't that cute?

"Alright, we're currently surrounded by…TREES…it's DARK outside…and I hear TALKING FLOWERS."

"Hey, we're not just any old flowers! We're WILD flowers!" High-pitched voiced cried up indignantly. Thing knelt down to face the little blossoms.

"Yeah? What's so WILD about ya?" And growling and snapping they leaped on him with all the viciousness of a pack of angry wolves. "AAAAAH! NO! HELP! AAAH! STOP!"

Kahmelion facepalmed. "Alright…why does this look so familiar?...granted everything in this fanfiction is based off something else…is that…poetry?"

Kahmelion turned around, Thing and the Wild Flowers stopped mid-violent massacre, and they listened. An eerie, hoarse voice dripping with venom sounded like a whisper of wind through the forest.

"Twas brillig in the slithy toves, did gire and gymbel in the wabe. All mimsey were the borogroves, and the momewrathes outgrabe."

Kahmelion joined the eerie voice in it's song. "Beware the jabberwocky my son, the teeth that bite, the claws that catch…beware the jubjub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch." Thing listened.

"Is it me, or is that voice getting louder?" As he said this, the flowers all scattered off of him. He stood up by Kahmelion, and kept his grenades at the ready.

"He took his vorpal sword in hand, long time this manxome foe he sought. So rested he by the tumtum tree and stood a while in thought." Distinctive thuds of very very BIG footfall resounded, and the ground began to shake. Wielding her longsword, and Thing getting ready to light it up, Kahmelion continued the poem. "And as in uffish thought he stood, the Jabberwock with eyes of flame, came whiffling through the Tulgey wood-"

And a monster so vile I can't begin to describe it in this fanfiction ripped through the trees and fell upon out heroes with a roar shaking the world-

"And burbled as it came!" The Ran, Thing tossing grenades back like there was no tomorrow. When he ran out, it was time to kick it into high gear!

"Thing! Don't you have any more ammunition!"

"I might, but I'm too scared to check!"

"Well that's brilliant!" She rolled her eyes as she ran. "Wait, I got it!" Pausing, to pick up the minion…she was also picked right up off the ground over 40 feet in the air. The beast snarled and hissed, rank breath and saliva flying into Kahmelion and Thing's faces.

"…Ah, screw this." Smashing the fiend's face in with a large book and finding what she was looking for in Thing's head, she yanked out the jet pack, slapped the helmet on over her fedora, and away she went.

"Kahmelion! Isn't that a door over there!"

"No, it's a pretty pony!" She snapped back. "Come on, Pen's not here or she'd have been fighting the giant scary thing!"

* * *

Clive, still not sure how in the world he was able to breath underwater, swam with Phantom through the deep blue. Passing many giant fish and gliding through a whole mess of kelp beds, they scanned the area for Pen.

"Man, if mistress Pen hasn't been here already, she needs to see this!" Phantom did a loop-de-loop and continued gliding through on his back.

"Why?"

"She LOVES swimming. Now she'd be able to swim all she wanted to and not come up for air."

"I see." Clive gazed around. It was so peaceful. The sunlight sparkled and whatnot through the water and all sorts of wonderful, relaxing, beautiful drivel to describe this place. "I hope she turns up soon…I almost miss her voice saying something stupid and making me laugh just a little bit…almost."

Phantom frowned, and glided over to Clive. Hugging onto his back, he whined aloud, "I miss my mistress!" And started sobbing the best a plushie with no tear ducts could do underwater. Not really knowing what to do, Clive patted the minion on his back on the back. "Um…there….there?"

The fish scattered. A moan sounded through the waves.

"What's that?" Clive turned around, floating. "A whale?"

"Dunno, sounds like it." Phantom hung on tighter, and shook with fear as a giant, red and blue abomination emerged from the kelp beds, and came right for them!

"SWIM AWAY!" Clive turned around, full-pedal, Phantom kicking his stubby little legs with all his might, but to no avail. Yep. As the giant maw shut, they were whale food.

* * *

Tons of unfinished structures sprawled across the gaping valley they were in. Joey and Link searched every work of construction for Pen. So far, the only pen around was the one on the contractor's abandoned table. Machines were unattended. It was quiet…too quiet."

"It's qiet…toooo quiet." Joey poked around some more of the buildings.

"Hey, Jo? Maybe we should look over the tops of the dangerous, perilous scaffolding too."

"Nyeh! Why would we do a stupid thing like dat? We could get killed!"

"It sounds like something Pen would do, though, doesn't it?"

"nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-we should go."

"I thought so, Mr. "Night who says _Nyeh."_

When they reached the top, the top of every stinking pile of scaffolding, they still found nothing.

"Now dangit! Why can't we find her and leave and be done with this cruddy fanfiction already!" Joey leaped down from the scaffolding, Link following on the ladder. "GOSH! This makes me so ANGRY!"

Link reached the bottom and put a hand on his cousin's shoulder, which was flicked off.

"Don't you touch me!...Nyeh…so angry, you might call it rage…"

"Remember our talk! Zelda's castle's west wing still hasn't been completely fixed! You went to therapy for this!"

"Rage that is specifically located in the westernmost county of Long Island New York…"

"Don't do it!"

"Alsoknownas BROOKLYN!" He kicked the beam in front of him and the structure started to crumble. "NYEH!" Grabbing his cousin, they ran clear of the demo zone as the whole building came tumbling down.

"Well…maybe I should stop doin' dat…"

"Ya THIN-WHOAH!" As they were speaking, the backhoe they'd hunkered down in reved up with a mechanical roar and lifted them right up into the sky.

"Nyeh!" Joey tried to get up, but the constant rumbling made him fall right back into his seat. "What the EFF is going on!"

"I don't know!" Link tried to unsheathe his sword, but as soon as he got his weapon out, the shaking made him drop it right out of the shovel and it landed in the ground far below.

"So we're stuck with a baguette and some oranges?"

"Looks like it, cuz…"

"…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

* * *

They'd been trekking through this terrible crystal maze for hours. There were puzzles around every corner, and you had a new puzzle every few feet. It was just like all the other games where they keep staling to get to the boss or anywhere cool and it frustrates the crap out of you and you have to look up answers to the puzzles online…not that…I know that from experience or…anything…ehehe…moving on!

"So, you are trapped in a mansion. It's storming outside and the power's out. You come across a door. Blue door or yellow door?"

"Blue." The Professor responded to the hulking beast in front of them.

"Ok, you come across another set of doors. Black or white?"

"White."

"Now you are at three doors. One says death my machine gun. One says death by alligators. One says death by electric chair. Beside them is a sign that says: 'or stay in the mansion and starve to death.' Which do you choose?"

"Ellectric chair. If the power's out, then it won't be on and you can go away."

"NOOOOOOOOOO-" kaboom.

Layton shattered the crystal blocking the door out of the place.

"Well, professor, you have to admit this place was pretty cool, despite the evil crystal riddler and the constant threat of monsters jumping us."

"Yes, my boy, but it seems Pen was nowhere to be found here either." The Professor opened the door, and disembarked from the maze, only to be run into by Kahmelion and Thing.

"Professor!" Kahmelion helped the man up. "You made it!"

"Luke!" Commando Thing leaped onto the boy and hugged him. "I got one of the biggest scares of my life, man...had I possessed internal organs, I would have wet myself."

"…quite." Luke set the Plushie down. "So, why do you sound so surprised, Miss Kahmelion?"

"Oh, no one else has made it yet. I think they may all be dead." She scratched her nose absentmindedly.

"Dead!" The Professor and Luke looked panicked.

"Maybe. They've dropped off my radar."

"Radar?"

"Yeah." She pulled a beeping device out of Thing's head. "For 'safety reasons,' I had tracking chips installed into their underpants."

"…Miss Kahmelion, if you have a tracking chip on Pen, why didn't you just use that in the first place?" he tried to keep his gentleman's composure and not to raise his voice, but instead he ended up ringing out over the entire creepy, dark meadow they were currently in.

"I forgot."

"You forgot that you could find your best friend and put a resolve to this fanfiction already?"

"Now where's the fun in that?" She adjusted the tracker's frequency. "Besides," She said, as they walked along the forest's edge of the dark plains. "We already forgot that we could imagine our way out of any situation here-as we mentioned in first few paragraphs of this chapter, and we forgot we also had a giant iner-demensional atlas as mentioned in the very first chapter of this fanfiction."

"Hm…touché."

As they walked farther and farther, the blip grew. "Hey, it says here all the characters are right over at-" and she was "cut" off by a shuriken as it flew through the air and hit the tracker, then embedding itself in a tree trunk, and shattering the tracker to bits and pieces! "HOLY SHIZNIT!" The group found themselves, where there had only been them before, they were now completely surrounded by an army of ninjas!

"Oh, great, JUST what we need! Ninjas!" Kahmelion drew her sword, and Layton and Luke also brandished their weapons. Thing was hiding by attatching himself to Kahmelion's back like a cute character backpack…gee, what a great fighter…

As they scrapped and fought and made loud, unnessesary noises while they hit things, the situation got worse and worse.

"Miss Khamelion!"

"Yeah, what of it?" She shouted, slicing through a ton of ninjas and bashing many of their heads on.

"About your radar! I think we might be about to drop off of it!"

"Before we die, can we sing a musical number, Professor?"

"Luke, I don't think now's the best time!"

"But Wasabi Ed's already here and playing!"

"…Might as well." Kahmelion did away with the foes nearest her…"Wait, what? Do I honestly have to start this?"

"Pen would do it, but she's not here currently!" Luke got a ton of the buggers with his dagger.

She sighed. "Alright." She rolled her eyes as the spotlight shone. "I'm really wondering where all these special effects are coming from.

Gotta keep one jump ahead of the shuriken

One swing ahead of the sword!

We do this crap only when we get really bored,

(that's every day.)"

"One jump ahead of the longbow," Luke ducked and leaped through the ninja crowd,

"That's all, and that's no joke. Can't stop until someone's shin is broke." The Four of them leaped up into a nearby tree, as the ninjas leaped up in the ones around them. It was a shame the jetpack was busted.

"Riff raff!" "Alley Cats!" "Scoundrels!" "Take that!" They shouted and tossed deadly projectiles at the group.

"Just a little break is all we ask guys-" Kahmelion tried to reason, before a kunai made her hair about an inch shorter.

"Rip them open, take your honor back guys!" They replied as they jumped right into the tree with them like little black-masked squirrels.

Our heroes dropped out and broke out took off across the meadow away from the army of assassins. "We can take a hint, gotta face the facts. We've gotta find out friend Pen!"

BOOM!

Kahmelion, Layton, Luke, and Thing turned their heads to see the ninjas had their attention currently directed to another source of uproar. Stading, head reared back and roaring was a GIANT. FRIGGIN. OTTER. It looked like something from Marzipan City. It was big, green, and covered in an argyle pattern. They looked closer. Something smelled crazy. As they strained their eyes, they saw on the back of the huge semi-aquatic mammal their friend. The very reason they had gone through all the trouble of effing monsters and NINJAS for crying out loud, laughing her head off like a maniac and covered in mud. As the beast ran through and lay waste to countless warriors, it stopped at the group, it's webbed paws skidding to a halt and tearing up the grass.

"COME VITH ME IF YOU VANT TO LIVE!" Pen said, offering a hand to help up the group. Soon, they were off.

"My good friends! Good to see you!"

"We've been looking for you for hours!" Kahmelion took a Dr. Pepper out of Thing's head, despite the bumpy ride. "What the H, man?"

"Where's everyone else?"

"I don't know. We came in with Joey, Link, Clive, and Phantom too. We're all that's left."

Pen's face fell…then it hardened into a determined scowl. "Where did the underwear tracker last pick them up?"

"Somewhere over thataway, towards that huge castle in the distance!" Kahmelion pointed over Pen's shoulder to the structure in the distance. It was lit up from the inside with some sort of eerie glow, and there was a downright macabre look to it. "You're covered in filth, by the way. Where have you been all this time?"

"Aw, crap, I know where we're going…Appa, yip yip-I mean, Zagnes, tallyho!"

"Ay, captain!" She responded.

"Did this otter just talk?" Professor Layton cocked an eyebrow.

"Duh, man." Pen retorted. "What kind of otters have YOU met?"

"…It's good to have you back, miss Pen."

* * *

CRASH! The giant otter and it's charges broke right through the palace wall like delicious cheese crumbles. Pen and the team dismounted, and she struck her dramatic leader red power ranger pose, finger jabbed towards whatever foes may be in her way, the minions imitating their mistress, the rest simply with their weapons out, rolling their eyes with an ecpression that said 'is this almost over?'

"TEAM PAPERWYNGZ IS HERE, SO SURRENDUR NOW, SUCKFACES!"

The peculiar assortment of audience turned to face her. There was Ratigan, Maximillian Pegasus, Doofenshmirtz, Mojo Jojo, The Lobe, Joker, Jack o Lantern, you name a villain and he or she was there. All of them were sitting on some sort of benches. There was a long aisle, a black carpeted aisle dotted with petals of- leading up to a twisted black altar. Standing at the pedastal was Jackal, dressed in a pastor's robe and an orange and red stole of all things, and Reala, dressed in a black and red tux with a signature grin.

"Ah! The more the merrier! Someone get the good Professor a drink, and find a good seat for the friends."

"What's all thi- HEY! WATCH IT!" Khamelion shouted as they were all lifted from the ground, even the otter! As they reached the ceiling, they found out just what had happened to their friends. "Joey? Clive?"

"Phantom!"

"Thing!" The two plushie minions floated over and hugged eachother. "It's been terrible!"

"I know bro, I know!"

Clive made his way over to Kahmelion. "Kahmelion! You're here!"

"What's going on?" She repeated.

"Just look!" He replied, pointing below them. Kahmelion could see one thing- Joey was gnashing his teeth so bad there was hardly any tooth left.

Reala continued, floating on over to Pen, the only one not up with her friends stuck to the ceiling. "Pen, I'm so glad you could make it to your wedding!"

"What do you mean, 'my wedding?'" She snapped, brandishing her hammer. Reala waved his hand, and it flew up, hitting Link right in the face.

"AGH!"

"What the H man!" Pen yelled in his face. He simply smiled and took her hand. Pen promptly slapped it away.

"Fine. Have it the hard way" He turned, floating his way back up the aisle. "Maestro, it's time!" Waving his hand, Wasabi Ed opened his maw and the music spilled out. Pen somehow lost control of her legs. She struggled, she tried to fight it, but the force was too great. She ended up stumbling right onto the altar, and some invisible force pinned her feet there. "urg…what the…Oh, Hi Jackal."

"Hey, Pen." He waved. Reala hissed at him to stop it. The music got louder, and he took up the microphone.

"Evil council! I'd like to thank you all for coming for my wedding. Now I can rub it in all your faces that I am the ONE guy out of you who ACTUALLY got the girl today."

The crowd mumbled mixed curses.

"Uh, dude? I'm fifteen! I can't get married! I'm not legal!" Pen put her arms up in an X across her chest.

"Silence! Now, for my new bride, I'd like to sing a little song before we start."

"Can I please go? We're on a bit of a tight schedual here."

"…stop the music!" Sound the record skip sound effect. "What?"

"We have a mission, if you must know! R's counting on us!"

"…" Reala paused. A smile spread across his face. He tried to hold it in, dear lord he tried, but he just could NOT hold it in. "Psh….HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHA! You're so gullible! You really didn't notice?"

"Notice what? …STOP LAUGHIN AT ME, JERKDISH!"

"No, hahaha…no, I'm going to leave this to the Professor." All eyes turned to the ceiling.

"Um…hello." He tipped his hat. "I see Don Paolo's here. Nice to see you, Don." The guy with the devil-horn hair waved from the audience. "Anyway, I believe I can shed some light on this Pen." He got into his normal thinking pose. "I had some suspicions from the start, but it now seems incredibly clear."

"Get on with it, sir!" Pen called up from her spot. "What's the point?"

"Well, the figure who employed us was called 'R,' and both the groups who were out to kidnap us also said they were kidnapping their employer's bride as well. Also, do you remember that there was never a checkpoint in the second level? That would imply that we were never supposed to reach a third level, but we were obviously not finished with our mission, or R and who ever he was talking about would already be there."

"But that still doesn't explain how Reala is R." Luke interjected. "But once we got here, it all became clear."

Layton continued. "Yes. Now that we are IN limbo, THIS happens. All of our travels looking for Pen have led us all to this very event, where YOU are trying to force her to marry you."

"Nix the 'trying' part." Reala shrugged.

"Also, remember R's monologue to us?" The magical flashback bubble loomed over their heads. "'Anyway, I have called you to investigate a matter of great urgency. If I am not quick and clear about this, and if the operation doesn't go as planned, someone I care for may be gone from me forever.' Now, does that sound like anything?"

They still didn't get it.

The Professor sighed. "If the operation didn't go as planned-that is, if his scheme didn't work and we didn't get here, someone he cares about- his ex-girlfriend Pen- would not be here for him to force into marriage."

Pen put on her 'srzly' face. "Wow…I feel like a PROFESSIONAL idiot now…" Pen scratched the back of her head.

"Quite." Layton again adjusted his hat. "Really, the only thing they didn't do was scream it in your face."

Reala laughed. "Ahahaha…alright, now, maestro-" The music resumed. "Now, you have a choice pen. You can marry me, and your precious friends can go. Or, you can refuse and you all go into the lava pit." Jackal whispered something in his ear. "Oh…wait, people, I'm being told we don't have a lava pit…oh well, the shark pit will do." He said, pressing a button on his microphone, which opened the aisle behind Pen and right under her friends on the ceiling, revealing a pool filled with snapping teeth. Reala cleared his throat as the music got louder once again.

"Would you beg, if I asked you to beg?"

"…no."

"Would you flee, from my awesome might?"

"I'd really like to be, but I can't move my feet, dillweed." She said, indicating her mud-caked, trapped vans.

"Would you cry, if I broke your kneecaps."

"…srzly?"

"May I devour your soul tonight?"

"…" THAT shut her up. Her eye twitched.

"Would you tremble if I cut your face?

Would you scream if I sprayed you with mace?

Now would you die for the one you hate?" He saw Pen raise her hand. "It's a rhetorical question, now die." The music picked up as the show continued.

"I can be your villain baby.

I accentuate your pain.

I will toture you forever.

I will take your breath away" And now for verse two of this odd song for a wedding yet totally fitting for a psycho.

"Would you swear, that I would never succeed?

Would you fight? Would you save the day?

Am I insane? Have I crossed the line?

Well, that's a good question, let me ask your friends-oh wait! I'm about to murder them!" He waved his hand, and they fell about a third of the way down to the floor, screaming before being caught again by the same invisible force that had held them up earlier. Pen gasped, and tried to rear back her foot to kick, but remembered those were pinned down too.

"I can be your villain baby.

I accentuate your pain.

I will toture you forever.

I will take your breath away." The music slowed as Reala came even closer to Pen.

* * *

"OHMIGAWDOHMIGAWDOHMIGAWD!" Phatnom hugged Thing closely.

"Neyh…we're all gonna die here at the hands of that flamboyant fruitcake who's marryin' my girlfriend and I never tasted cantaloupe!"

"Wait, you dorks." Kahmelion focused her gaze on the altar. "If I can just reach Pen's hammer and throw it far enough to reach Pen without knocking her out…Layton!" she hiss-whispered to the other end of the line of characters. He looked up. Pen's hammer was right next to him. Getting the idea, he reached as far as he could, grabbed ahold, and passed it to Clive right next to him. Luckily, everyone was so focused on Reala's hideous song they didn't notice as they passed the hammer down the line, one character at a time.

"Come on!" Kahmelion waved it forward. "I don't want to sit through any more of this song!"

* * *

"Oh, I just wanna control your brain. I just wanna control your mind.

Oh yeah.

Am I insane? Have I crossed the line?

Didn't you just ask me that? You're friends are almost dead, by the way." He raised his hand again, making the team drop another third of the way to the floor, closer and closer to the shark pit. They almost dropped the hammer! And with only a few more passes to go.

"I can be your villain baby.

I accentuate your pain, that's correct!.

I will torture you forever.

I will take your breath away.

Now he was getting into it like some prima-donna. "I can beeee your villain!

And I accentuate your pain.

I will torture you forever!

I will take your breath away.

I shall take your breath away.

I can be…your nemesis." Reala finished his song, and grabbed Pen's hands in his. She tried to yank them away, but his grip was too strong! Also, he had some sharp clawed hands. The two turned to 'Pastor Jackal.' "Alright, honey, let's get this done."

"Wow…you really are creepy."

"At least now you won't be able to run away. You'll be legally mine forever." He laughed.

"Can't you just move on and see other people? Also, if you're going to get legal about it, I'm not really old enough to marry at all. Also, you can't force me to marry you against my will, and-MPH!"

"SILENCE!" Reala clamped his hand around her mouth, ignoring her indignant, muffled cries. "Now, can we get on with this?"

"You really ARE crazy, bro." Jackal, aka Captain Obvious.

"We've established that already! Get ON with it!"

"Um…ok…Do you solemnly-"

* * *

Kahemlion finally had the hammer in her grasp. "Aw, crap! They're almost to the idos! Thing, we have to make it look like a plan, so when he kills us anyway, get the titanium canoe out! Everyone, get in!... I just have to make this shot at just the right moment…"

* * *

"I do, whatever." Reala rolled his eyes. "Now can we move on to her!"

"Ok, Pen?"

Pen bit down on Reala's hand, freeing her mouth for the time being. "NONONO-MPHMHMMHM!" Reala seethed. Then, remembering that old Tim Burton movie, and hoping one of his guests didn't kill him after the ceremony for rip-off, he uttered a perfect imitation of Pen's voice.

"Hi, I'm Pen Fandango, and I'm of sound mind. This man right here is the man I want, boy I love that man of mine."

"O…k…" Jackal twitched, wondering how Reala was able to do that and also thinking how creepy it was. "Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you Nightmaren and wife. You may kiss the bride, I guess."

"Pen!" Kahmelion called from her place on the ceiling. The hammer flew through the air…dramatic slow motion…come on, make it! Make it!

"Make it! Make it!" Kahmelion clenched her fist, as did the rest of the team.

"Make it make it!" Jackal hissed from the pedestal, earning a slap in the face from Reala.

"mkmmmmmt. Mkmmmmmt." Pen mumbled from Reala's hand. How long does this slow-mo sequence last? Drawing her hand out from Reala's grasp, reached out, and lo and behold caught it! "YES! IN YOUR FACE, JERKDISH!" She turned to face Reala, who she punched. Turning to Jackal, "I'm not of legal age. This marriage is not in accordance with my respective religion. This isn't even a church. I never agreed to it."

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you annulled. You may beat the crap out of the groom."

"Thanks man. Also, the ice cream and video game day was reschedualed to St. Patricks's Day, in case you didn't get the message. Wear green!"

"Definitely!"

Snarling, Reala waved his hand. Screaming, the team dropped, but they were able to deploy the titanium canoe in time. With an OOF they were bruised but safe.

"AHA! Clive raised his finger in the air. "I Believe the tables are now turned back to the main character's favor!"

Pulling herself out of the people pile, she rowed her way to the altar. Hopping out, they all took defensive position.

Pen stood over her ex. "You're an embarrassment to nature, do you know that?"

"I just wanted to be happy!"

"What about my happiness? I wonder why we even went out. I also wonder why you can't just let it go." She put her hand on her hip and leaned on her hammer.

"Excuse me!" Clive pardoned himself through the line of the team. "Why DID you two go out? He's a twisted, psychotic, abusive maniac for crying out loud!"

"It was a phase. You may not believe this, but I was once a villain myself."

"Seriously!"

"Yeah, man." Kahmelion put a hand on his shoulder. "We both were."

"But, we were more in it for the fun than actually being evil. I could never do that crap. I'm super-good now!" Pen gave two thumbs up and a doofy smile. "It comes with the whole Christianity package. Love of Christ, Man." Once again looming over Reala, she mused…"So, what to do with him?"

"Nyeh, we could use the as of yet unseen super friendship combo power strike." Joey offered.

"Good idea!" Link agreed. "Everyone line up!"

The super-cool music sounded as they all went.

"INTELLIGENCE!" Kahmelion struck with her ninja sword.

"WISDOM!" Layton attacked with his rapier.

"DILIGENCE!" Luke threw his dagger.

"SANITY!" Clive rushed with his lance.

"CHIVALRY!" Link slashed his sword.

"BROOKLYN RAGE!" Joey kicked with all his strength.

"HEART-lol go planet!" Pen, minions on her back, delivered a huge blow with her hammer. Crossing all their weapons… and Joey's foot…in the air, their voices joined, all pointed to the foe.

"FREINDSHIP, FOO'!"

And in a blast of sparkles and happy, he was a pile of red glitter on the ground. They paused. Then, who should bust through the other, un-shattered wall but a giant chicken.

"HYA!" Marik called from atop the poultry, fist in the air. Bakura, holding on tightly to his partner so he wouldn't fall off, looked at the scene below.

"Aw, come on!" Marik dismounted. "We MISSED the entire flipping thing! I wanted to be the one to reduce the flamboyant clown into a pile of dust!" … "You can let go of me now, Florence."

"Well, Pen, seems you certainly dodged that bullet."

"Psh-yeah! Instead of waking up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy, I'd be waking up in the morning next to THAT." She pointed at the pile that Jackal was currently sweeping up into a special little dustpan.

"Wow…good thing nightmaren can't die." Kahmelion sipped her Dr. Pepper.

"How is that a GOOD thing?" Clive wanted so desperately to know.

"Anyway, thanks, guys!" Pen shook Bakura and Marik's hands. She held on a bit to Marik's. "You're coming over for ice cream and video games on St. Pat's SO HELP ME GOD."

Meep. "Ok, understood."

"Or Fluffy gets it."

"Don't worry." Bakura interjected. "I'll drag him if need be." They both remounted the ginormous hen. "Peace out, losers!" Marik put on his Ray-Bands, and they busted through the one wall left intact. Yes, here at Team PaperWyngz, we believe doors are boring. Bustin' in that junk on giant poultry is WAY better means of entry.

Pen waved as they left. Clive facepalmed. Kahemlion once again looked like she didn't care. Joey was in the middle of hugging Pen. The group turned around to face the audience of cutthroats.

"So…what do YOU propose we do now?" Luke was half-asking the Professor, half-asking Pen.

"Same thing we always do. Insight a riot." Kahmelion acted like it was obvious. Pen, in the meantime, went berserker, hammer ablazein'.

"SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY!"

After a while of brawling and scrapping, the team was able to escape in the confusion. Once they were out of the castle, they boarded their giant otter and took off across the meadow once again.

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 4!

* * *

Next time, on the fanfiction with a really long title!

It's time to get the heck outta here. I really don't know how else to put it.

Let's go rock and roll!

Pen is out, PEACE!

* * *

Bakura: Marik?

Marik: yeah?

Bakura: Where exactly are we going?

Marik. Crazy. Let's go! Hi ho, TWEETUMS!

GIANT CHICKEN: SKWAAAAAACK!

* * *

Ok, since we're so full of ourselves here, new event:

Send in your favorite Poof Chronicles Quotes! I see tons of those funny demotivational posters everyone's making in the future!

Ishizu: Hey! Give me back my necklace!

But why? I wanna see if I ever get married.

Ishizu: because shut up.

Be sure to keep submitting suggestions for songs you'd like to hear on a future Poof Chronicles. We've got the final chapter pretty much covered, but we'd always love to hear some fresh tunes, yo…aw, crap. Jaden, did you write this!

Anyways~!

Send in dares and questions you'd like to ask any of the cast as well.

And one last word before be go, we're still taking votes for our next destination of Poof Chronicles. Seriously…no one's voted yet. The choices are:

Hero 108

Smurfs

Generator Rex

Deltora Quest

See you next time.


	8. Chapter 8

Poof Chronicles 1: Professor Layton and the Peculiar Artists

Chapter 8: The Big Finale the MUSICAL

Part 4: Thnx 4 th Mmrs

* * *

Our heroes galloped away on the back of Zagnes. They flew across the dark plains, until-

"WAIT!"

SCREEEEEEEEECH! And they came to a sliding halt. Pen dismounted.

"…I…have NO idea where we're going."

Clive facepalmed. "That's never really stopped you before, you know." The rest of the team slid off the otter down the back and off the tail.

"Yabba dabba doo!" Phantom and Thing stood up like Fred Flinstone, and then epicly failed by landing on their heads.

Kahmelion looked around. "We have to find some way out of here…my best guess, we need to exit the USUAL way." She drew her ninja blade.

"Ooooh…" Pen got wide-eyed. "Just like emo kids…"

The Professor sighed, and looked around. "Bugger…there are still some ninjas."

"I GOT IT!" Pen said, fist in the air. 'WHEEEEEEEE~" and she ran right to them "Ninjas! Who wants a hug!"

* * *

Layton, Luke, Link, Joey, Pen, Kahmelion, Thing, and Phantom woke with a start on top of the mall.

"Hey, we're back here!" Kahemlion said, and then saw what she was back to wearing. "…aw, shiznit! Stupid Rose Blush!"

"It's PANK!" Pen once again had her signature doofy smile.

"Alright, we can't jump. That'd put us back in limbo and there'd be an endless loop." The Professor turned towards Kahemlion. "How do we get out of here?"

"Why does everyone ask me about this crap?"

"Because YOU'RE the one of us who's most totally fanatically in love with the movie." Pen scratched the back of her head.

"…touché. Alright, we have to sit here and wait for a kick."

"A kick?" Clive started. "They have to kick us!"

"No, a kick is that moment when you get that sensation of falling and wake up. Someone has to give us that kick from where our bodies are sleeping."

Link but in. "Ah! I had Zelda organize one for us in a minute or two from now!"

"Yeah, and Serenity had one ready for us!" Joey gestured to him and all his friends. We're all back at the game shop!

"Wow…I really wish you could come with us, boo." Pen got on the puppy-dog eyes.

"I know…" Aw great, Joey's doing it too…is that the sun setting over the horizon? "I wish you could come with us, toots, but we're gonna hafta split for now."

"This St. Pat's for video games and ice cream?" Their hands were clasped.

"You know it-OW, IN THE HEAD!"

Kahmelion walked over to them to pick up her thrown shoe. "Alright, break it up you two. This is getting too mushy."

* * *

"AUGH!" bonk. Link fell off the bed, and undid the plugs from his head. "Zelda, that was a bit too much!"

"Help me get the others up, honey."

"I don't wanna go to school today!" Luke grumbled. The Professor and Clive simply picked themselves off the floor, The Minions rolled their mistress Pen off the side of the bed, and it took them forever filled with cold evil eyes for them to get Kahmelion up.

"Ok, ok." Pen sprang up. "Now, how the heck do we get back to the party ship!"

Kahmelion sighed. "I'm NOT jumping through that window. I may look it, but I am NOT EMO." The minions nodded in unison. "It's just so…I can't do it!" Luke shuddered. Clive facepalmed. "It is quite depressing." The Professor adjusted his hat. "Then we need so somehow get a kick from the real world."

"How are you going to do that?" Link cocked an eyebrow. "We have a kick in about another few minutes from The King."

"I just remembered something." Luke snapped his fingers.

"What?" Clive and the rest circled around him.

"The advertisement had a warning that the boat had a tendency to backfire at incredibly randomly convenient times!"

* * *

Ka-POP! POW!

All of them hit the floor and bonked their heads.

They got up and looked around. Was it real?

Yes, they were back on the boat alright. It was quiet. As the dramatic music played, they looked into eachother's eyes. A newfound respect and overall overwhelming feeling of having done such a huge adventure in such a small time…smiling, they got up and left their rooms, out onto the deck and into the beautiful rising sun. They'd been asleep all afternoon and were now up at the buttcrack of dawn. Yep. We stole the spin top sort of thing and the loaded dice from the original movie, we're stealing that part of the ending too.

"Hooray for us~!" Pen twirled around, happy as a lark. "Man, it's early."

"I'll say." Kahmelion slumped over, dead to the world. "When we get back to your place, I'm out like a light."

"You're going?" Clive adjusted his hat.

"Yeah." Pen said, picking up Phantom. "That whole dream thing got me thinkin'. I've had my fun here, it's time to move on. I gotta go home sometime. I DO have a life."

"No more fighting evil monsters?"

"At least not here. Not for you guys."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, this isn't our native demenion. We're anomalies, so in trying to find out what the crap is wrong, the demensions we go to go outta wack and cause all sorts of other anomalies."

"…So, all the undead attacks were basically your fault?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah, pretty much, but we DID manage to solve the 'un' part, eh?"

"…I'm going to KILL you!"

The team gathered on deck. Staring at the beautiful emerging morn, it was time for Team PaperWyngz to tumble on home.

"I'm going to miss you, Miss Pen." Luke hugged the two girls.

"Aw, we'll miss you too, Luke." Pen beamed. "Only Miss Pen?" Kahmelion twitched.

"I must admit, it was never dull with you and your minions around." The Professor adjusted his fedora. "I…do wish I knew where my hat was, though…"

"Oh! That reminds me!" Phantom ran over to his friend and fellow minion, undid the drawstrings, and drew out a large tophat and two blue newsboy caps.

"Our hats!" The Professor knelt down to take them from the little plushie. "How did you-?"

"Oh, I took them and hid them in Thing's head as a practical joke."

"…Quite…well, thank you at least for returning them."

"I'm going to miss you too, Professor! Sometimes I enjoy sanity!" Hugs.

And so, the PaperWyngz team got ready to disembark. Joining hands and getting ready to poof, though, Pen looked…weird. Was that…a FROWN?

"What's up?" Khamelion sipped some Dr. Pepper.

"Yeah, what's wrong, mistress?" Phantom and Thing Clung to Pen's pants legs.

"It's just…" She sighed…"He was nerd's best friend…"

"Don't worry…" Kahmelion patted her back, not really showing much emotion, more like 'Gawd let's just get going already I wanna watch Coffee Prince!'

Then, there was a crash from the other side of the ship! It sounded like something fell and upset the garbage cans. They looked overhead as a green and black dog flew with foot jets. Then, they looked towards the source of the clatter to see a green, black, and red cabbit running right to them and barking.

"Wasabi Ed?" Pen broke from the group. "Wasabi?" The little monster kept running to her. She got all teary-eyed. Running forward, she dropped to her knees and met him halfway, the creature jumping into her arms. "WASABI!" She hugged it close to her and would have never let go if she didn't have to. "Boy, how did you get back?"

"PUDDING!"

"I love you too." Getting up, she once again rejoined her group. Wasabi Ed opened his maw and cranked his tail like an old-fashioned gramaphone. "You wanna do one last musical number here?"

"No, I WANT to go." Kahmelion shot here a death glare.

Clive facepalmed. "Not another one…" as the minions danced in delight.

"Come on, Clive, it'll be great! It's the perfect way to end this fanfiction."

"You don't have to be so dramatic. It's not like we're never going to see eachother again…are we? I mean…you do have a warping plushie…right?"

"Ah, don't worry, Clive. I'll always be with you…And even as I wonder, I'm keeping you in sight!"

"Oh no." Kahmelion facepalmed. "Might as well."

"You're a candle in the window-" Clive started.

"On a cold, dark winter's night."

"Wow, Kahmelion, that was pretty good."

Thing and Phantom stood back to back for the duette. "And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might!"

"Whoo…that's a little high for me." Pen cleared her throat. "And I can't fight this feelin' anymore!"

"I've forgotten what I've started fighting for!" Professor sang out.

"And even if I have to crawl upon your floor!" Pen sang, Phantom repeating backup.

"Come crashing through your door!" Luke stepped in time with Professor, and they all joined in:

"Baby I can't fight this feelin' any more~!"

Clive slid forward like a rock star and let it out, not fighting his feelings anymore. "BABY I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING ANY-

MOOOOOOOORE!"

"WHOO!" Pen waved a lighter while he did his solo "Hooray for plagarizm!"

"Alright." Kahmelion waved for them to hurry up and rejoin the circle and rolled her eyes. "Ok, let's get out of here before you rip something else off. This whole story is pretty much parodies from some other thing…you're not very original, Pen."

"Oh, I know." She waved dismissively and sported a doofy grin.

"Wait!" Clive shouted.

'What now!" Kahmelion was foaming at the mouth. Seriously ticked off that it was now 2 seconds into Coffee Prince already and she WASN'T. Watching. It.

"Take…take me with you!"

"…M'kay." Pen gave a thumb's up

"I'll tell you, I won't take no for a-wait, what? No kidding?"

"Sure, dude." Pen smiled. Kahemlion facepalmed and took out some Dr. Pepper to alleviate the stupid.

"Well…I was going to make a dramatic speech and everything…I even had notecards…"

"You JUST found out we were leaving but 5 minutes ago." Kahmelion rolled her eyes.

"So, I can realyy go with you two?" he tipped his hat.

"You FOUR!" Phantom indignantly corrected from the Pen's leg.

"Sure! You just have to wear the initiation hat."

"What's the initiation hat?"

NOM!

"Wasabi Ed."

And so, with a creature biting on his scalp, Clive joined hands with the teenagers. They all waved goodbye to the Professor and his Apprentice on the docks. With a might "SQUID," that was the last moment Layton and Luke would encounter Team PaperWyngz…for a little while at least.

* * *

"Wow…" Pen looked around the empty, blank background onstage. "Well…looks like that's it for Poof Chronicles 1…"

"Yep, thank goodness…" Kahmelion flipped a page in her book and munched some munchies.

"We had a ton of adventures and got through all of them."

"Pretty much."

"We fought every monster..."

"Totally."

"And effing CLIVE joined our team…"

"M-hm. Looks like it. You should be happy about THAT."

"The story's concluded…"

"Halleluya, yes."

"FOR NOW!" She grinned like a moron with the classic awesomeface.

"What the crap, Pen! NO!"

"But this SUCKS. I'm BORED…AGAIN."

"Can't you just let it lie?"

"HECK FRIGGIN' NO! Thing, pack your head! Phantom, get ready to poof! Wasabi Ed, get me a funky groove!

Come one, let me see ya shake a tail feather.

Do it riiiiiight, shake it shake it baybeh!"

Kahmelion sighed, then turned to the audience. "This is the bat-crazy idiot I have to deal with. At least she's on MY side and uses her powers for good. Imagine Pen if she used her powers for EVIL." Dramatic music and close-up dramatic shot.

"Anyway, thank you for reading." Pen paused from her rant, arms laden with all sorts of weird machinery.

"Pen, what IS all that stuff?"

"I'm having sculpture class with Mr. Spencer."

"Carly's brother?"

"HECK YESH!" and ZIP, off she went.

Kahmelion facepalmed and got herself some Dr. Pepper. "Well, yeah, thanks I guess to all…like…FOUR of you people who actually read this. Please vote on our next destination and yadda yadda. Poof Chronicles lives, I guess!"

"VIVA LA POOF!" And so Pen clinked her can of lemonade with Kahmelion's can of pop and they chugged their age-appropriate drinks.

* * *

Seriously. Thank you to the people who have read and liked our story. Even the people who have read and didn't like our story. You're all the reason this is my most popular story. I love every single one of you, and I'm going to stop here before I get even more sappy. God Bless you, and peace out.

-With much delicious cheese,

Pen Fandango.

PS: Goodnight and Happy St. Patricks's day. I hate snakes, so this holiday takes on even MORE importance to me. Wear some green or you will find Wasabi Ed in your closet ready to nom on your leg~! Toodles.


	9. UPDATE!  INFO ON POOF CHRONICLES 2!

"BREAKING NEWS BULLITEN

For those of you actually reading this spoot fest, my mistress Pen Fandango is now pleased to announce the first chapter is now up of Poof Chronicles 2! It's in the Transformers/Beast Wars section under Cartoons and is rated K+. It does take place in Transformers Animated if it helps you follow. Please check it out and remember this is fanfiction it's not SUPPOSED to be original or get any mony or violate copywrite laws. Thank you for supporting our low self esteem."

Phantom panted and set the papers down. "Wow…reporters talk FAST….how was my first try at announcing, Mistress?"

"Superb, mah minion. Now make me some muffins."

…

Anyway, Poof Chronicles 2 is now up. It's called "The Dorkcepticons."


End file.
